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mickey84
member
being able to "afford" being a SAHM (unpopular opinion maybe)
mickey84
member
I love being a SAHM! DH and I sacrificed things here and there to be able to afford me not having to work. We never even considered putting DS in daycare, because for us it wasnt an option.
What frustrates me though, is how some people whine that they wish they could be a SAHM, but they say that they just cant afford it. Then in the background of their siggy pics, I see
beautiful homes
BOB strollers
the latest toys (Sophie, Bumbo, ect.)
I know there are exceptions, like having debt or whatever...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: being able to "afford" being a SAHM (unpopular opinion maybe)
I think the more a person wants something, the more they are willing to work for it.
I wouldn't this applies to everyone, but there are definately people who could afford it, but it would mean a lifestyle change, and that just isn't something they are willing to do.
I PPH this post.
I am a SAHM living in SOCAL with a husband who brings home around 55K a year. And there are people on here who cant believe how we afford to live. It is possible if you make the right sacrifices and really want to do it. We have hardly any debt and IMO have a wonderful life. But its true that it wont work for everyone.
I am soo with you on this post!
ETA: btw the number one reason we can afford for me to be a SAHM is because daycare/childcare costs here would outweigh what I could ever bring home in my field. That is a big deal. ;(
Well, beautiful homes are not free.
The bumbo is like $40.
And when you expand the cost of the BOB over a year it really isn't that big of a hit to your salary.
Plus you can't compare one time payments for things like fancy strollers to monthly bills. I purchase "nice" things here and there but I can't afford to be a SAHM because we can't pay our bills on one income.
I see what you are saying, but at the same time one never knows another's situation. What I mean is that in some places those big beautiful homes are pretty inexpensive. Those toys can be purchased used at consignment shops. I have a lot of hoity-toity name brand clothing.....thanks to the rich woman who lives in my area and is my size. She donates all of her stuff to my local Goodwill when it is out of season and I snatch it up. Haha.
Plus, I don't think you can really compare being able to afford a Bumbo, which may have been a shower gift, to being able to afford daycare. One is, what, 30 bucks and the other is hundreds.
i agree
How do you know those things weren't gifts? Or how do you know that the person can't afford to stay home (as in, can't afford their mortgage, car payment, school loans, whatever ? their expenses) so they have to work and with that work comes the disposable income to ALSO be able to buy nice things for their LO.
It's very black or white thinking to say that because you see that someone has nice things they can afford to be a SAHM.
This.
Oh yay I was the one that posted this in the unpopular opinion post!
DH works part time because he is going to school. I make a decent amount of money, enough to live comfortably.
So lets see... if I was a SAHM we would be living off of DH's part time income and wouldn't be able to pay our bills. There is no way, no matter how many sacrafices we made that we would be able to afford living off of DH's income.
I totally agree with you. It takes SACRIFICE! We live on my husbands $17/hr pay check... don't ask me how we do it! We use ONE car that's already paid off, go out ONCE a week, have phones that are 3 years old, have NO cable, we don't buy christmas or birthday presents for anyone, including eachother. It's not an easy life. You have NO idea how badly I want to buy things for LO from Etsy, buy myself things from Macys, buy a new car, buy an IPhone, but we just can't. It's more worth it to be home with my baby.
Its the little things that add up...!
Obviously beautiful homes arent free. What do you mean?
The stroller we have is a used Evenflo stroller and travel system. The lady had it for a year and a half, and we got it on Craigslist for $80!
DH and I have no debt other than our mortgage. We share a vehicle. Often i take a taxi or when he is on his 5 days off i use the car for my errands on those days.
Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks
With us, we hadn't planned on having any children and bought our home 3+ years before I found out I was pregnant. Even then, we could have purchased a more expensive house at the time, but were conservative and bought the smallest house in the neighborhood. With the housing market the way it is in FL, we would take an 80k loss on our home if we were even able to sell it. Not an option.
As far as other material items go (toys, stroller, etc), most were purchased by friends and family as gifts, not by us.
It's funny you should mention this topic. My DH and I were discussing it last night. Yes, we could make it work if we cut out everything. However, we enjoy our lifestyle and love to travel and want our LO to share in these experiences with us. It would be extremely difficult to do with me staying at home. It's a trade off, I guess.
People could have purchased these homes before they had their LO. And with the way the housing market is there is no way that selling it and moving would be a good idea so that they could be a SAHM.
Oh i know! I got tonnes of nice things as gifts too, and sales, ect. But I'm talking about in general. Its even IRL, when i talk to people. They talk to me about being a SAHM and in so many areas of their life i see them spending $$$$! I just dont get it!
Are some people just ashamed to admit then, that they want to work and have their LO in daycare? Thats fine - i dont care! If you have a special talent and/or love your job, then its great for society that you contribute like that. But then stop complaining that you cant AFFORD it!??! ugh.
DING DING DING DING!
For us, if we mad major cuts we could probably live paycheck to paycheck and I could be a SAHM. However, we would be giving up things like building our savings, contributions to our Roth IRAs, extra towards our mortgage principle, starting C's college savings now, etc. IMO our financial security is incredibly important - we're not living in the lap of luxury but paycheck to paycheck is just too risky for my taste and I think it's especially too dangerous with a baby.
I'm not one to go around saying I wish I could be a SAHM all the time. Our reality is what it is and we make the best of it.
This exactly. Excellent Point!
That's what i'm talking about!
You can only say this is true based on the COL where you live.
We for one have a nice house because we both work, can afford the nice stoller because we both work, take our kids on vacation becuase we both work, have the fun toys because we both work. We can go out once a month because we both work.
If I were to SAH like I want to we would have to rent, no vacations, no extras. No quality of life and no life experiences for our children.
And even with us both working it is tight to afford all we want.
ETA: FWIW I buy most things at consignment including clothing. Our cars were purchased used (can not live with one in this area) and we do not have used phones...my salary also pays for my education and will allow our kids the best private education, public school here is not good so really there is not a choice for us on that front...and I get 60% off that and financial aid.
I too carry the benefits and do max FLEX.
And out daycare for 2 is $20k/year.
holy heck! where do you live?!
Did you just quote yourself and agree with what you said?
I live on Long Island. I commute to work and LO would be in daycare 12 hours a day for five days a week. Regular full time daycare in this area is 1200 a month for the extra hours it would cost that much more.
Or perhaps she thought she replied with an AE and was agreeing with the AE but forgot to log off?
Bwahahaha- that would be awesome.
It's not so black and white, that everyone who wants to should be able to stay home and if you're not staying home, then you are valuing things above your child. That's really unfair. So I have a Bumbo and a decent house (though not extravagent at all, although it was expensive because the market was insane when we bought). And I want to get a BOB. Clearly I am a crappy mother.
I work because I like my job and because we need my salary to pay the mortgage. Not because I love the thought of putting my baby in day care. We live pretty frugally but have a bit of a cushion for some luxuries, and we're also cutting out a ton of stuff now that we have a baby. Ideally, I'd love to work part-time to get the best of both worlds but I could never afford day care on a part-time salary.
THis is definetly personal and depends on where you live and how you live. I say all the time I woudl love to be a SAHM but its just not doable for us. Thankfully I have a year off paid & that I can go back part-time. I also will be ableto juggle my shifts around DHs enough that only my mom or ILs will have to babysit and L will not have to go to daycare.
DH and I make the same amount of $, if we sacrificed and cutback we could probably make ends meet with just his income but as a PP said I amnot willing to risk living paycheck to paycheck.
Yes we have a beautiful home, but we work hard for it. I grew up in a single parent house hold, we were POOR. My mom was awesome and did so much with us I didn't realize how poor we were till I grew up. I want more for L, I want to travel with him. I want to be able to go out, have nice things. I want him to go to a headstrart preschool program and to be ablet o tplay sports and an instrument.
My income allows for these things. It also allows us to have a retirement savings and education plan for L, etc. that beign said we are making cutbacks so that I can work PT. A lot of L's clothes coem from consignment, we drive a hand me down vehicle, we use coupons, shop sales, budget, etc.
I do think its importnant to recognize that not everyone can SAH even if they cut back.
I think it's really crappy of you to make a blanket statement about that - some people, no matter what, cannot afford to SAH. Yes, on appearance it looks like we have a nice house & nice things, but all of that is from my income. My DH is in graduate school and makes a measly $25k a year so, no, I cannot afford to SAH. With my income we can afford our cars, our house, and nice things but there is no way for me to SAH. Also, why does this need to be justified to you? Why do you care? Some moms actually enjoy their jobs and don't mind working. SAH isn't for everyone.
I'm glad you were able to cut back
& to make things work for your family - but this isn't the case for everyone. Comments such as yours REALLY bother me - you're making it seem as if every mom has to SAH to be a good mom. I work and I am a great mom!
DH doesn't make enough to cover our monthly bills. By bills I mean things like the mortgage, utilities, groceries, and my student loan debt. Not fancy vacations or dinners out.
It's really our mortgage that does us in-our house is not fancy, but it's in a town with a great school district, so it was expensive. If we sold it now, we would take a big financial hit due to the market's downturn.
We've thought about DH staying home since I make more money, but he likes his job much more than I like mine, and he has more job security (I wouldn't be surprised if I get laid off in the next couple years).
Why judge others when you can never know their full story?
I don't mean to be a biitch, because I know that you enjoy working and I think that's great. You aren't saying you want to stay home but can't afford it, so this isn't really directed at you, per se. However, just to touch on the whole "paying for college" thing in general, my kid won't be doing to college until he's 18. I'm not going to be SAH while he's in school, so that still gives me 13 years to save up for his education. I also know that I'm in a position of being lucky just because of the country that I live in--we have awesome government savings bonds where they donate 40 cents on the dollar of everything we save for his school, and a child tax credit of a couple hundred bucks a month that we choose to put towards his education as well. Also, tuition in Canada is cheaper than tuition in the U.S., I realize that as well. But sometimes people IRL tell me they could afford to SAH but they need to save for their kid's future, and I think it's BS because if they sat down and looked at it, it's totally doable to do both in this country.
Ditto this, but change VA to MI and change 1,700 to 1,400. I carry our insurance and my H is self employed. We live a very frugal existence. Until last year, my H drove a 13 year old vehicle. We aren't poor by any means but we could not afford for me to stay home. And I really don't want to anyway.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption