How much baby responsibility does your DH take on?

MrsPatterson · September 2009

I was just thinking about things and I realized that I'm pretty much doing everything to prepare for this baby. I'm absolutely not complaining, because it's my natural instinct (and my personality, if we're being honest) to just kind-of take charge and get things done, but I realized when I was thinking about how I need to call daycares that if I wasn't doing all this stuff, it wouldn't get done.

My DH, as much as I love him, just would never think about any of this stuff (scheduling the birthing class, calling daycares, making plans for the dog for when I go into labor, etc.) I'm not saying I'm perfect because there are certainly many things that need to get done that I wouldn't have known about if it weren't for The Bump!

Does anyone have a husband who is more take-charge, or do you think it's just natural that the mom does most of the prep work that goes along with having a baby?

robinsokj · September 2009

Im already expecting to be the one to do everything

dkfitz07 · September 2009

I will do everything because I am OCD, and DH will love being along for the ride.

kristinem17 · September 2009

I wish DH worked on land so he could be hands on and assist, but as you know he works at sea... so it's ALL for me to do. It's tough, but luckily I have always been a go-getter, take charge kind of gal. One thing is for sure though, when DH gets his 8 week vacation just before due date, he will be Mr Mom big time, the whole time!

RJHarmon · September 2009

Mine doesn't do anything. I don't think the reality of responsibilty will hit him until he is actually holding her. I know he will be helpful once she arrives. I figure that he doesn't really understand what it takes to prepare for a child...so I just do it.

Eviebee · September 2009

Moms do everything. Dh may take the initiative to clean the house or change a diaper, maybe take her to the park but I usually have to ask. All DD's clothes, toys, supplies, diapers, food, everything was bought by me (or gifted). I make her breakfast, lunch and dinner, I remember to bring the diapers, snacks, toys, juice whenever we go out. I do her laundry, I arrange her babysitting, doctors appts, playdates, classes, and take her to them or remind Dh 10 times to do so. He does take care of her RESP though.

If men knew the extent of our work they would simply fall down in awe. But they like to think they do more.

MrsGhappilyeverafter · September 2009

I'm doing everything. DH is the type of person that doesn't do anything at home really unless I ask him to. He has no problem doing it, but he never thinks to do stuff himself. Therefore, I know he won't be taking charge with any of the baby stuff. I did our registry completely by myself then I showed it to him to get his opinions, but he doesn't know anything about that stuff.

PurpleK26 · September 2009

Hmmm... what has dh done... Oh yeah!

Donated his sperm to our 'project'

gallerygirl · September 2009

My husband read the Expectant Father book, so I think that has really helped him to get "in tune" with what is going on. He did visit one day care with me and anything I "assign" him, he is happy to complete. I try to keep it to things like assembling the furniture, cleaning out the baby closet, etc. that I won't be nearly as obsessive about. I would never ask him to research CD and purchase them. I think if you don't give an H anything to do, it may lead to him feeling very left out of the entire processes.

ibis · September 2009

In our marriage I am the R&D department, but DH is definitely involved and helpful. Certainly it took him a little longer to get into it, but he's taken a daddy boot camp class entirely on his own, he watched The Business of Being Born with me, he's going to interview a doula with me, etc. I do a lot of the legwork as far as talking to daycares and pediatricians, but I have more time for it and it's kind of more my "thing." He's entirely willing to show up for any appointments where he's needed and he takes an interest when I give him the info I've collected. He's just not into the hours of research and millions of pages of reading that I do.

We got a puppy together and I expect raising baby to be similar... I do all the reading and clicker training and vet appointments and so on, but he totally does his share - more than half the feedings, the majority of the exercise, and he definitely loves him just as much as I do.

crysbena · September 2009

My DH has been big into the birth plan and planning for labor. He's been pretty good about looking up classes and doing lots of research. It's almost scary actually.

But just yesterday he asked me what we're doing with baby if I go back to work. My reply was duh we have to interview daycares....and he was like, Really?

saverne · September 2009

I am doing a lot of the research and work, but a lot of that is just because our current situation- he is working full time at a new job and I am not working. We just moved into a new house and not only am I doing a lot of baby stuff, but I am doing a lot of general house organization.

But, DH has been quite involved. He has come ot every appointment, helped pick out the decor and furniture for the nursery, gone registry shopping, and will do some of the classes with me at the hospital. He is not reading up on pregnancy and birth because he is an MD and already knows much more than me, but that means I use him as my "first responder" every time I get a new symptom or have a concern.

The suckiest thing is that he is not getting any time off when the baby is first born. He doesn't like it, I don't like it. It will be stressful for me to be home all day alone at the beginning, but he will pitch in once he gets home every day.

erinkate23 · September 2009

I'm the "business" one - so all the boring stuff will be me. He does want to decorate the nursery, but daycare, doctors, childbirth classes, etc - he's just not interested.

On the other hand, he's going to be a Mr.Mom when I go back to work, and is probably more likely to be up for midnight feedings, so it balances out.

Vandy05 · September 2009

Well I am a freakin control freak beyond belief so I def took charge on most stuff, but DH did alot and if he heard a whisper of something that I though tmight be good for him to do he was all over it times 50. I think it is natural for us to take charge, I am sure our motherly instict kicks in long before their fatherly one.

pollykinz · September 2009

My DH seems to just think you bring a baby home and all you need is a few bottles and diapers and that's it. He has been good about going to ultrasounds and putting the furniture together and helping with the nursery, but I registered without him (he would've driven me NUTS as he has no patience and no idea how much stuff we're going to need) and have done all of the reading/research stuff. I found our pediatrician and he's a pain about doing any classes. We did do the infant CPR last week, but he whined about it and p!ssed me off. He does want to do the labor/birth class - surprisingly - but he doesn't think he needs to do the infant basics care class - which he DOES!! He says I can just teach him - MEN!!! Glad to hear mine isn't the only one who's a bit clueless about this whole thing. LOL

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