update on our nap situation the other day

GretchenlovesMichael · September 2009

not sure if you will remember but a few days ago i was about to come out of my skin over our nap situation. here is the OP.

i tried a few new things for the nap after that - some i'd tried before and some new: nursing them together and trying to transfer them to the bed with me between them, attempting to lean precariously over them nursing them both which elicited big goofy smiles from both of them, holding them together while they cried b/c they were so overtired, wearing D on my back while nursing M, and on and on. and the bottom line is that i couldn't do it any more. i was starting to get angry at them which is completely irrational. so i took a break. i walked away. and D cried herself to sleep. it seemed like 8 hours but it was about 17 minutes (and i went back in every few min to tell her i loved her and i was so so sorry but mommy just couldn't do this for her right now because mommy had to help her brother). and i sobbed and sobbed on the phone to my sister who told me that it was better to have to cry for a few minutes one day than to have a mom who was insane with frustration and not emotionally available as a result.

she napped for an hour after that. M had nursed to sleep meanwhile i think (honestly it's sort of a blur). and then, here's the thing that is completely insane. first of all, she woke up smiling as if nothing had happened, where i was convinced she would refuse to make eye contact or otherwise appear severely damaged. and then she proceeded to sleep for 10 hours that night without a peep. where her norm is 4-5 hours, and her RECORD was 8 hours, which happened twice in the past 5 months. and she has slept like that both nights since. i have no idea what that's about. i really hope she hasn't "learned hopelessness" after one nap where she cried herself to sleep... i don't know what to think. the whole thing is just so confusing. in one way i am sick to my stomach that i could let my babies cry and yet she seems to have sort of "learned on one try" at this point.... i miss her at night, to be honest. part of me wants to bring her to bed regardless but that's obviously not what's best for her, if she is sleeping well and well-rested and happier as a result (which already seems to be the case.)

anyway. i just wanted to tell you guys what happened after that post that day, and i hope i don't get flamed for being honest and posting about this here... i wasn't going to, i was so ashamed about the whole thing, but i also wanted to share my experience in case it helps someone else even a little bit.

thanks again for your help, and for listening.

papagena · September 2009

Your LO crying for 17 minutes (which is hardly anything when you're still showing her you're there) is SO much better than you being so stressed that you're angry at them (I know irrational - but I've been there too!). So happy it worked so well for you!! I'm such a better mama when I'm rested and don't feel overwhelmed. Your DD hasn't learned hopelessness - she's learned some independence, which is a good thing. Hope things continue to go well - sounds like this is definitely a more livable situation for all of you. (hugs)

GretchenlovesMichael · September 2009

thanks so much papagena. i feel like a huge failure in so many aspects. i really appreciate your response.

ncbelle · September 2009

Hugs mama - I think your sister is absolutely right. Sane mamas are good ;-) And you were still right there for her. Plus it sounds like the outcome has been positive for both of you!

webMistress0609 · September 2009

Hopefully things will get better for you - I mentioned in your first post I have a high needs nap fighter, & I cannot imagine having two of him. I can empathize with how awful you feel - DS cries until he gags in the car, & I end up hysterical. I just stay home most of the time unless DH can drive so I can sit in the back w/ him to keep him happy. Hearing him cry is like torture. I wish I could offer some helpful advice, but like the pps said, you've got to stay sane, & you're doing an awesome job.

mrsjbaker06 · September 2009

Hugs Gretchen. I have no advice as I am still trying to handle my one high needs baby, but you are NOT a failure. I have no idea how you do it all and am amazed at how you AP twins! Like others said it is better for your DD to cry a little and you to get some rest than for you to lose it trying to be Supermom.

ErinMSB · September 2009

Don't feel like a failure! Most of us struggle with APing just one baby. You're doing a fantastic job with TWO!

And it's nice to know that your DD was smiley and happy afterward. That's always one of my fears too. That she'll remember and hate me for it. It's good to know that they're forgiving little people.

And I appreciate your honesty. I understand exactly how you feel. I'm sitting here tearing up right now because I've been so close to my own breaking point with DD. It's hard. It's really, really hard. So try to enjoy the good sleep you're getting. God knows you've earned it. And a few good nights' sleep might leave you rested enough to give you the perspective you need.

GretchenlovesMichael · September 2009

you ladies are the best - thank you so much for your support.

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