Don't want to talk to friends?

ShellShockedMama · September 2009

So here's a side effect that I wasn't expecting and am not too proud of.

I hate my friends. My friends with babies especially. How irrational am I?

I guess I should clarify, I know don't "hate" them but I just want to avoid them. I don't really want to talk to anybody, with DH being the execption.

Here's an example: a friend of mine will be visiting next month. I haven't seen her in two years and she's bringing her baby who's almost a year and I have never met. Instead of being excited, I'm dreading it. I'm dreading pretending to be happy, dreading meeting her child (first pregnancy, got pg first try and no problems--not that I'd ever ever ever wish problems on anyone), just dreading it all.

I feel like a miserable crappy person.

Sigh.

Nikkicole007 · September 2009

I am so sorry and it's understandable that you feel this way. I actually felt the same way, but once I was around those friends, even those with babies, those kinds of feeling sort of melted away.

I hope you find away to get peace with the situation. I'm sure your friends would understand if you're just not ready right now and that's perfectably reasonable. Take all the time you need with you and your DH.

kbfny7 · September 2009

I feel like this very often. I have a good friends who is about 6 months pregnant. We are very close, but after my m/c I just don't want to see her, I have only talked to her on the phone. She has been so supportive and really does not talk about her pregnancy to me, only if I ask her a question. I just do not want to see her baby belly. DH thinks that I am being silly but I just can't face her yet..Like you I don't want anything bad to happen, but I also don't want to pretend to be overjoyed. Your not a crappy person, just a person with normal feelings and emotions...and your not alone in that

Tlucey · September 2009

The feeling is mutual. My DH's friends wife is due in just weeks, initially I was jealous, but shouldn't have been because we weren't TTC at the time. Then the babyshower came and I thought I was going to have a tough time, but didn't, now with her due in a few weeks and wanting to hang out as she'll be on maternity leave soon....I don't want to even see her, but I'm sure once they hear of the news she'll probably understand.

Another friend who got pregnant around the same time, she just had her first u/s and is 7w0d and her DH posted the u/s pic on FB yesterday...I cried. I'm happy of course..but I don't want to see anyone or speak to anyone yet. I just found out yesterday that there was no heartbeat and will have the D&C surgery Monday.

I'm glad we're all not alone in feeling this.

Hope0910 · September 2009

I feel the same way. It has been two weeks since I miscarried and have not seen anyone yet. My DH went out with his friends today for the first time and suggested I call my friends. I am very close with my girlfriends, but for some reason I do not want to hang out with them. I am feeling sad sitting home alone by myslef while he ie out, but for some reason can not bring myself to pick up the phone to make any plans. This sucks.

kamile78 · September 2009

What you are feeling is absolutely normal!!! Don't beat yourself up for feeling like you want to avoid friends, babies...If you need to reschedule your friend's visit for your mental health, DO IT.

I had a missed m/c and d&c. Close friends told me don't be afraid to feel whatever I am feeling. That is the best advice. I sympathize with you and praying God grants you and DH peace of mind and best wishes for trying again. Wink

monica92603 · September 2009

oh yeah, totally normal. I still don't really feel like talking to people and it's been 2 months tomorrow. I like just hanging out in my house and avoiding the world.

My friends have been awesome though. The ones that I have not spoken to will send me a text every week or so to check in. I am fine w/ texts, emails and facebook, but don't call me! I won't pick up and they know it. The ones I have spoken to will not let me sit in the house and drag me out every now and then. They don't think it's "healthy" to hide in the house and they are probably right.

Don't feel bad. This is a time to think about what you and your H need. If you're not up to the visit, explain it to them. I'm sure they will understand.

Imanurse03 · September 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard! You are totally normal. I feel the same way. I got a shower invite last week a few days after we found out about my 3 loss, a c/p. I RSVP'd and said I couldn't come because we were going to an OOT wedding. A total lie but I really don't care. I just can't face going to the shower. Esp since this friend hasn't been supportive with my IF issues and m/cs. I am so jealous of my pg friends and co-workers. They have what I want and can't seem to have. I really feel like I'm a bitter, angry person now in my life. It's a horrible feeling and I hope that one day these feelings will lift.

I hate going to church, the mall, etc. nowadays. You run into pg women and babies EVERYWHERE! It is so hard.

Hugs to you. I think it's ok to avoid people in your life with kids or who are pg.

lhcooper · September 2009

I feel exactly the same way. In my case it's less friends I'm about to see and more friends on FB. In the past week, *two* friends my age (I'm 38 and just had a D&C last week) have delivered perfectly healthy baby girls and (naturally) posted their pictures on FB. As a kid-lover (obviously), it's hard for me to find myself feeling bitterness, envy, even rage, about these sweet babies and my friends' good fortune. I try to remind myself that--especially since these are friends I haven't seen in years--you never know what's gone on behind closed doors. For all I know, these same people had miscarriages themselves in the 4-6 years in between their first children and their second. I'm not saying that applies to your visiting friend, of course, but it's something I've been thinking about even when I see parents I don't know out and about with their children. After all, once we *do* have a child and are out and about with him/her, chances are some woman who just had a M/C will be looking at us with the same feelings. At any rate, I'm just gritting my teeth through it all, but I certainly think if you feel uncomfortable about your friend's visit, you should tell her so. A real friend will understand.

angelsmile · September 2009

It's normal. Maybe I had a "vaccine" against feelings like that about people who already were pg or had babies...but my sister was pg before I was so it was always kind of something that had to be dealt with.

But people getting pg after me pissed me totally. I would be honest with your friend and tell her that you are so excited to meet her and her little one, but you hope she can understand that you may be a little socially awkward and you hope she bears with you. When the time comes, your natural feelings may take over and hopefully you will be able to blessedly just enjoy that moment for a bit.

Whatever you feel you aren't wrong.

Want a personalized experience?

Don't want to talk to friends?

Re: Don't want to talk to friends?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

Don't want to talk to friends?

Re: Don&#039;t want to talk to friends?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: Don't want to talk to friends?