Apparently I hold my baby too much...

acia · September 2009

MIL informed me today that I should "put the baby down" more during the day (like in a swing or bouncy chair), rather than holding her or wearing her so much. She said that if I don't start now, I'll never be able to put her down because she won't know how to soothe or entertain herself.

I was of the mindset that keeping DD close to me was building a bond and a secure relationship so that DD would feel safe spending time on her own (when she's developmentally ready) and trust that I'll be there if she needs me. But now MIL has me questioning things....

How often do you "put your baby down"? Do you see it as detrimental or helpful for baby's development and/or attachment relationship?

flutiefrostie · September 2009

I put him down on the floor to play quite a bit, but I do that because he likes it, not because I think he has to. If I hold him for too long, he starts trying to squirm out of my arms. He's an independent kid, and I feel like I would be a bad parent if I ignored that part of his personality. However, if your LO likes to be held, hold her as much as you want! She will still learn to soothe and entertain herself.

IselaCid · September 2009

I wore and held Joaquin ALL the time. He just didn't want to be put down. He is now very very social and independent. Isela on the other hand doesn't like to be held and worn as much. Sometimes she is much happier in the moses basket or swing, sometimes not...do what feels right for you and your baby...ignore everybody else

EmmieB · September 2009

Do you do tummy time?

I think it's important to have a balance, but at this age when she can barely hold up her own head I wouldn't worry.

Just make sure she's getting enough tummy time/floor play time to work out her muscles and then don't worry about it after that.

HTH!

EcoBaby · September 2009

Um, your baby is 3 weeks old. You are supposed to hold her!

At that age, I really don't remember how much I put him down, but my philosophy was to not fix what wasn't broken. If he was happy, I kept doing what I was doing. I would put him on the ground to do tummy time and stuff like that, but I wouldn't put him down just for the hell of it. I would also put him down while I ate, showered, fed the dog, etc.

emlady · September 2009

I probably hold my LO less than most APs. He's pretty vocal about needing his me time, off my body. If take him out of the carrier, he is either in a swing/chair watching me do whatever, or on the floor or bed looking at bookcases or fans or the like. I'm not too worried (anymore) about holding him too much or little because he's pretty much calling the shots. He's happy alone a lot earlier than I expected when pregnant, I planned on having him in arms a majority of the time for as long as we both were happy.

IselaCid · September 2009

EmmieB:
Do you do tummy time?
I think it's important to have a balance, but at this age when she can barely hold up her own head I wouldn't worry.
Just make sure she's getting enough tummy time/floor play time to work out her muscles and then don't worry about it after that.
HTH!

Wearing your baby works the same muscles as tummy time, so you don't even have to worry about that much!!

jebuell · September 2009

Send your MIl This Article. It was written by a Grandmother who is concerned about her Grandchild's development so she buys a sling to help the parents carry the baby because research has shown that baby wearing DOES NOT spoil the baby and the benefits can be great. It's written by someone who raised children during the period of time when parents were told carrying spoils the child, so she might be able to relate. Maybe.

Scientific facts are lacking, but can give her a place to start.

habsoilers · September 2009

I don't think it's possible to hold a 3 week old too much. I'm sure your MIL is just echoing the prevailing parenting theories of her day but really, a baby that age needs to be held and kept close just like you said. I would ignore your MIL on this one.

NDwife07 · September 2009

EcoBaby:
Um, your baby is 3 weeks old. You are supposed to hold her!

At that age, I really don't remember how much I put him down, but my philosophy was to not fix what wasn't broken. If he was happy, I kept doing what I was doing. I would put him on the ground to do tummy time and stuff like that, but I wouldn't put him down just for the hell of it. I would also put him down while I ate, showered, fed the dog, etc.

Exactly what I was going to say!

Maybe it'll be a concern in few months, but at 3w, hold her!

GretchenlovesMichael · September 2009

at that age i held them almost constantly (well mostly b/c they were nursing constantly

but yeah, your MIL is wrong IMO. you will know when your LO is ready for more independant play. at this age she is barely out of the womb, and there is no such things as too much holding. i would trust your gut

charlatti · September 2009

EcoBaby:
Um, your baby is 3 weeks old. You are supposed to hold her!

At that age, I really don't remember how much I put him down, but my philosophy was to not fix what wasn't broken. If he was happy, I kept doing what I was doing. I would put him on the ground to do tummy time and stuff like that, but I wouldn't put him down just for the hell of it. I would also put him down while I ate, showered, fed the dog, etc.

Ditto all this. Three weeks = hold the baby!

jen_and_tom · September 2009

EcoBaby:

Um, your baby is 3 weeks old. You are supposed to hold her!

At that age, I really don't remember how much I put him down, but my philosophy was to not fix what wasn't broken. If he was happy, I kept doing what I was doing. I would put him on the ground to do tummy time and stuff like that, but I wouldn't put him down just for the hell of it. I would also put him down while I ate, showered, fed the dog, etc.

This. And, I found that both Grandma's were more than willing to be the warm body holding dd! Now that DD is 17 months she still loves physical interaction with adults but absolutely does not lack independence. She is very social and confident to be away from me.

SMCbride2b · September 2009

IselaCid:
...do what feels right for you and your baby...ignore everybody else

This, exactly! Tell your MIL in a kind but firm way that you appreciate the advice, but that you are the mother of your child and you know what's best!

LoveEeyore · September 2009

Do what works for you. I can't count the number of times I heard that- about holding her (I rarely put her down), cosleeping, feeding on demand, wearing her, you name it. She is a happy, confident, and independent 21 month old who is full of love and gentleness for her baby siblings. I am so grateful that I followed her cues and my heart. I miss the snuggles- she only has time for 2 or 3 quick ones a day now!

Do what feels right, and even though it's important to have an open mind, trust that you're the mommy and you know best. Even if she hits separation anxiety. Don't doubt. It pays off when it's mostimportant. PLus, it happens so fast- own the moments!

ncbelle · September 2009

Kiddo has always been worn or held a lot - as a newborn, he was very rarely in a swing or bouncer - in part because I love wearing him and in part because he wasn't happiest there.

I still wear him a lot but he is very clear about when he wants down. And he doesn't particularly care to just be held unless you are moving (he never sits still!). He also now is quite happy to play by himself - not for long periods of time, but certainly for as long as any 8 month old might be expected to do. My point is that he doesn't always need me there and he can entertain himself.

As for physical development, we were never super regular about tummy time because he wasn't a fan as a newborn. I'm a big believer that babywearing promotes physical development as well as emotional development. Kiddo has always been very strong and was a fairly early roller, sitter, crawler, and puller-upper - we'll see about walking.

In the end, do what feels right to you. Everyone will offer advice and much of it will make you second guess your choices. Go with your heart and your gut and you and your baby will be just fine.

Sniffer2.0 · September 2009

flutiefrostie:
I put him down on the floor to play quite a bit, but I do that because he likes it, not because I think he has to. If I hold him for too long, he starts trying to squirm out of my arms. He's an independent kid, and I feel like I would be a bad parent if I ignored that part of his personality. However, if your LO likes to be held, hold her as much as you want! She will still learn to soothe and entertain herself.

This. And Jack doesn't like it when I wear him at home that much because he wants to play. He likes being worn more when we're out of the house.

erinkate23 · September 2009

You can't "spoil" a newborn. This might have to be your mantra to your mom.

If your daughter wants to be held, she wants to be held. She was "held" 24 hours a day for 9 months just 3 weeks ago - any time away is a big deal right now.

Good luck!

Manalyzer · September 2009

hold your baby and go with your gut. Seriously, I don't get this mentality that you have to put a newborn down or you'll spoil them.

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