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Multiple IVF Girls

kristin_mariekristin_marie member
in Infertility

I have a family friend who just got a BFN on her 4th IVF.  They haven't told anyone about their struggles.  The only reason I know is because we ran into each other at our RE's office.  I already talked to her the other day and told her how sorry I am but at this point I don't really know what to do.  I don't want to keep bringing it up to her but I do want her to know I am thinking about her and am here to talk if she needs someone and I just want to make sure she is doing ok.  So what do I do?  Did you mind when people asked you how you were doing or would you have rather people just not bring it up?

Thanks!

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Re: Multiple IVF Girls

  • LCB34LCB34 member

    I have only had one IVF but, after we got the m/c news my best friend sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a nice card that just said "Thinking about you and DH during this hard time.  I am here when you need me and are ready to talk/ vent."

    It was probably the most thoughtful thing anyone did for me during that time because it let me know she cared but wasn't in my face when I just wanted to be alone.

     

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  • njdcgirlnjdcgirl member

    Sorry about your friend...that sucks.

    A note or email just saying that you are still thinking about here, and are available to talk anytime she needs to would be nice.  Maybe plan to have lunch or something, but let her bring it up, and do most of the talking.  Sometimes I really want to talk about it, and other days I just don't.  Depending on my mood, I either open up, or just say "it's going..." and change the subject.  I'd say to follow her lead. 

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  • kimberickimberic

    I did not want anyone asking me about anything, but I'm like that anyway. If I choose to talk about it, I will.

    I did get a nice card from a friend. I thought it was the sweetest thing and it really helped to know that she was thinking of me.


    *Excessive scar tissue, blocked tubes*hypothyroidism*
    IVF #1 BFN 10/07
    IVF #2 w/ICSI & AH*C/P 5/09
    Beta #1-33 Beta #2-50 Beta #3-10
    FET 9/9/09*Transferred 2 Blasts*BFP!
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  • TryingtogetpregnantTryingtogetpregnant member

    I would probably send her a card to let her know you're thinking about her. Give her a few weeks to grieve over it and then ask her to go to lunch. I know I didn't want to talk to anyone for weeks after we had our m/c and IVF BFN's.

     

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  • yodasmistressyodasmistress member
    I think the answer to this is very individual.  I *wish* people inquired how I am doing from time to time.  But I know many people don't like to be asked.  I don't think there's a one size fits all answer here.
     
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  • lovemymonkeylovemymonkey

    imageyodasmistress:
    I think the answer to this is very individual.  I *wish* people inquired how I am doing from time to time.  But I know many people don't like to be asked.  I don't think there's a one size fits all answer here.

    ditto this, at least the part about everyone being different. For me, by IVF #4, I just didn't want to talk about it. You've already said you were sorry, that would have been enough for me.

    After 5 years of TTC, 3 IUIs, 5 IVFs, 2 FETs, multiple losses and an adoption that wasn
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  • KoCoLoCoKoCoLoCo
    That is sweet of you...I did 5 plus a frozen, but to be honest, after 3 I stopped telling people.  I think it is awesome enough just to ask how she is doing, I think it would be great to have friends who care like that.
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