Community› The Bump Message Boards› 2nd Trimester
2nd Trimester
New Discussion

Does your mom complain about her spouse to you?

aegrimmaegrimm member
in 2nd Trimester

Whether or not it is your dad or your stepdad, does she complain?

My DH and I are of the camp that we don't talk to anyone outside of our relationship when we have an argument because it's not anyone else's business and no one else really understands our relationship dynamics as well as we do. 

My mom likes to b!tch about my stepdad to me, even in front of him, and it's VERY uncomfortable. I've tried politely asking her not to do that because it's none of my business and it makes me uncomfortable. I've also tried telling her a little more forcefully that I don't want to be involved in their disagreements. But she just gets angry with me and tells me that I have an I'm-better-than-you attitude. I think she wants to feel like someone is on her "side" when they have an argument but I don't play into her games. I really like my stepdad and I know my mom well enough to know that everything that she says isn't true and that she's probably at fault 90% of the time (she likes to pick at people's flaws and mistakes until they just explode). I just don't know how to get her to stop.

Currently, when she starts I just smile and look away or try and change the subject with a little humor. Any ideas, ladies?

Report Reply to Post

Re: Does your mom complain about her spouse to you?

  • karaokerampergirlkaraokerampergirl
    No ideas but I completely relate, my parents hate each other... I have no idea why they are still married.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MrsWalker81608MrsWalker81608
    My mom complains about her husband to me all the time.  I don't really like him, so it gets really awkward and I have no idea what to say.  I've asked her not to but it doesn't seem to have helped.
    When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. - Harry, "When Harry Met Sally" Planning Bio
    imageLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
  • alysson_jalysson_j
    My mom complains about my dad to me all the time too.  I absolutely adore my dad, and I too know that my mom has a tendency to blow things out of proportion.  I just try to change the subject, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, but above all, I don't play into it.
    Report Reply
  • getnmarried910getnmarried910 member
    No, my parents have never said a bad thing about the other to me or my sisters.  I'm guessing if my mom is mad at my dad she might vent to my aunt who is her best friend (and sister), but that's it.  DH and I are of the mindset that we each have one person we can vent to if we're frustrated with each other.  Mine is my best friend and DH's is my BFF's DH.  It would drive me insane if my mom complained about my dad to me.  I think complaining to children about your spouse is a BIG no!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • murfygirlmurfygirl member
    My dad died 3 years ago. I don't remember if she did or not before he died, but now that he is dead her memories are filled with just the good times LOL she always denies any fights us girls bring up that they had. I guess that's how I would be too.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickers <a href="http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h66/Murfygirl/?action=view
    Report Reply
  • BarnesoBarneso
    She does and she knows I despise him (and have since I was young... not my Dad, obviously), so it infuriates me even more that she complains to me about him.
    Report Reply
  • Anniekins214Anniekins214

    My mom did this.  She would always b!tch about my dad every time she and I were alone in the car together.  One day, I told her that I'd heard quite enough.  I wouldn't let dad talk sh!t about her (not that he ever did), and I wasn't going to listen to it any more.  I also told her that it's making me feel guilty, because I'm hearing all this stuff about my father.  If he was so awful, she needs to do something about it, or stop griping.

    Needless to say, that converstation went over like a led balloon; but it worked.  She doesn't do it anymore.  She started once, and I threatened to turn the car around.

    "Cool as Hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter."
    Report Reply
  • LovinTim912LovinTim912

    Every one in a while, my mom will *** about my dad. It always starts the same way too. ?"Does Timmy ________?" ?My sister and I giggle when she says this. ?It does get annoying, but thankfully, it's not constant so i just deal with it. ?But I NEVER *** about DH to her.... Someone once told me that doing that will change the relationship between him & whoever you are complaining to, and I never want to do that (DH has a great relationship with my family- it's weird because his relationship with his own family is very strained, yet with mine, it's very good. I don't want to ever change that because of stupid little fights.)

    IF my mom was complaining constantly, I would have to tell her to stop. ?He is still my dad, despite all his flaws, and I love him. ?their personal?relationship?problems?really shouldn't be my?business.....?

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • Anniekins214Anniekins214

    A little piggy back on what I'd said earlier:

    My favorite mom complaining about dad moment was the time she was clipping coupons and complaining about him.  I happened to look at the coupon she was clipping.  It was for lube.   Um...don't complain about him for 15 minutes while planning sexy time.  Ick!

    "Cool as Hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter."
    Report Reply
  • blambert98blambert98 member
    I think we have the same mom. Seriously! I felt like everything you described was on point with my mom. Fortunatey, I moved out of town and met and married my husband so I live over an hour away from her. My parents don't communicate with each other, instead my mom talks to me or other people to feel justified. I usually listen when both of my parents are trashing each other, but I always tell them that they need to sit the other one down and have a SERIOUS talk. They both refuse, but I feel like it should be said anyway. And if changing the subject doesn't work, I just reiterate that they should talk to each other because talking to me doesn't help or solve anything. My husband and I are just like you and yours. Sometimes I try to tell my mom how WE handle situations and she just says that I'm lucky to have a husband who likes to talk through issues. But all I can say is that ignoring her won't help...she'll do it over and over and over again. If you feel like talking to her about how it makes you uncomfortable (which I'm sure it wouldn't help to tell mine this) than I think that's the only way to go. Hope this helps!
    Photobucket Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"