Just be thankful you were able to get pregnant

JerseyBeachGrl · September 2009

I apologize if this comes off as a bit harsh, but I can't hold it in any longer. Everyone that is complaining or unhappy about the sex of their baby should just be happy you were even able to get pregnant. Many of my friends are unable to have children and I, myself, have gone through miscarriage after miscarriage, failed insemination after failed insemination, injecting myself in the stomach with hormones with four needles a day. Thankfully I was finally able to get pregnant on my own--after doctors told me it would never happen. Another friend of mine gave birth to a baby girl, and sadly the baby died 5 hours later. I just think everyone has to look at what they have and be grateful. It may not be your ideal family, but at least you have one....

Dani11 · September 2009

I agree Yes

This is why I still feel so guilty for being so unhappy about being pregnant for a couple of weeks. I was hoping for a longer honeymoon. I am thrilled now, and feel terribly because there are so many people who would love to be in my position.

BubFlink · September 2009

Amen!

I also had various miscarriages and after 2 years was finally able to get pregnant. It's very sad to read about people that are "devastated" by the fact that they're pregnant with a boy versus girl, etc.

LovinTim912 · September 2009

Agreed.

I have a friend at work who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at a young age, and from the chemo and everything, she can't have children. ?I was also told that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant either.... and we did it on our own- and seriously consider this baby our little miracle! ?But it totally drives me NUTS when other pregnant women at work complain about how uncomfortable they are or ?the gender of the baby. Get over it! You are pregnant! Sheesh.....

skylined21 · September 2009

i think everyone is so happy and overjoyed to be having healthy babies ... i think it's just in human nature to be a little sad to not get what you want (re: gender) ... but i do not believe that in any way takes away from the love they have for their child and i also do not believe anyone here took for granted getting pregnant

CapitolBaby · September 2009

Amen siser

kciriello · September 2009

Agree and see your point...but I don't think gratitude regarding pregnancy and gender preference are necessarily mutually exclusive. I think it's very possible to be both extremely grateful to be pregnant and also hopeful about gender. Just my 2 cents.

Mrs.KLF · September 2009

I'm absolutely thankful that I got pregnant so easily, but I don't think that means I'm not allowed to complain when I'm feeling like crap or having a bad day.

It's BS that just because someone else can't get pregnant, I'm not allowed to feel upset or irritated by something in my pregnancy.

lilmel6 · September 2009

I completely agree. DH and I tried for a long time and had to go through fertility treatments as well. I can understand the periodic complaints about aches and pains and so on, but to hear people that are not happy with what their having just ticks me off.

Lola'sDogMom · September 2009

skylined21:
i think everyone is so happy and overjoyed to be having healthy babies ... i think it's just in human nature to be a little sad to not get what you want (re: gender) ... but i do not believe that in any way takes away from the love they have for their child and i also do not believe anyone here took for granted getting pregnant

Um, this. People aren't wishing their baby was dead or that they didn't have one at all.....

kiki_1218 · September 2009

I agree!

I used to honestly think I'd cry if I found out it was a boy. Now I'm sitting here waiting for my appointment with a genetic counseler and an u/s after my quad screen came back with an increased risk of down syndrome. All I want is healthy baby and don't care anymore if it is a boy or a girl. I can't believe I was so selfish to care what I had.

madameprimm · September 2009

People are allowed to have a preference, but most people are happy with either from what I have seen here. Our TTC wasn't nearly as difficult as a lot of the ladies I've encountered here, but I can understand both sides. The only people who may not be "thankful" are the ones found on the GD board over at InGender.com, and in that case I'd agree with you 100%. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with having a gender preference as long as you know where to draw the line.

hterry85 · September 2009

You are so right. I think in the middle of everything it becomes easy to get caught up in gender, nursury, etc. But to their credit, most of the woman who post about gender disappointment also talk about the extreme guilt they have for feeling that way. Not that that would make it feel any less petty to someone simply longing for a baby, but I think you get what I'm sayin!

aegrimm · September 2009

skylined21:
i think everyone is so happy and overjoyed to be having healthy babies ... i think it's just in human nature to be a little sad to not get what you want (re: gender) ... but i do not believe that in any way takes away from the love they have for their child and i also do not believe anyone here took for granted getting pregnant

This. 100%.

I do not take my pregnancy for granted. I would also like to point out that they are FLAME FREE Friday confessions for a reason.

Mrs.tlcS · September 2009

I will never ever ever begrudge someone their disappointment in an unwanted pregnancy, gender disappointment, or disappointment in a birth experience.

Never.

I am truly sympathetic to the struggle some women have to get pregnant/stay pregnant and to those who have unhealthy/premature children. But their struggles have zero to do with the struggles other women are facing.

madameprimm · September 2009

hterry85:
You are so right. I think in the middle of everything it becomes easy to get caught up in gender, nursury, etc. But to their credit, most of the woman who post about gender disappointment also talk about the extreme guilt they have for feeling that way. Not that that would make it feel any less petty to someone simply longing for a baby, but I think you get what I'm sayin!

That is a very good point. I don't think I've seen anyone with Gender Disappointment, even extreme cases, not express at least some guilt about their feelings.

whit022109 · September 2009

i agree to an extent. just because a person was hoping for one sex over another doesn't mean they aren't thankful to be having a baby. ive always grown up wanting a little girl. now that im having a boy, im still very excited.

Mrs.LisaP · September 2009

I AGREE!!

Some people (like myself) dont have the luxury of just being able "try" and get pregnant. Most women take pregnancy for granted, and really its a gift.

NiniJ55 · September 2009

Agreed!

It also took me a while to become pregnant and it was really hard on us (I too did insemination after insemination and was taking daily injectables - albeit only once a day).

We are just so happy to be pregnant that we genuinly do not have a preference for boy or girl.

CKLee1107 · September 2009

I can't honestly imagine the feelings of someone who has TTTC or gone through IVF or any of the other processes because I've never been there. I can see their point of view in this though. However, I can't say I agree 100% with the OP either. I still have that momentary pang of regret that I am not buying a bunch of cute little boy clothes....I even wanted a girl this whole time. Its a pretty natural response to feel something over a small lost dream even if its temporary.

Now "devestated" is a whole different story! I even can't stand the people who can't feel blessed at all that baby is healthy and on their way because of the gender. However, I personally have only read one post using that word myself and it was a second-hand posting. It was a bumpie's friend who was going through the let-down and we can't be certain that this was accurate wording of her feelings....

angiegail78 · September 2009

Mrs.tlcS:

I will never ever ever begrudge someone their disappointment in an unwanted pregnancy, gender disappointment, or disappointment in a birth experience.

Never.

I am truly sympathetic to the struggle some women have to get pregnant/stay pregnant and to those who have unhealthy/premature children. But their struggles have zero to do with the struggles other women are facing.

This exactly.

Everyone feels disappointment at times over things that other people wish they had. That doesn't mean that they aren't entitled to have those emotions.

JinglesChic · September 2009

I was told that I was not ovulating and therefore thought I was infertile when I got my BFP (not planning but obviously not preventing). I was also upset when finding out it was a boy. But it sometimes it takes some time for the shock to set in, whether it's from the sex or just finding out you're PG. These ladies who are posting usually just found out the sex within the past 24 hours, so please give them some time to get used to the idea. I would get upset if it's been a week or more because it's not the baby's fault. But let's be real, even though we all say all we want is a healthy baby, many of us would have a preference. And most of us hear from friends/family "Oh, it's definitely a ______" so we tend to have some sort of expectation of what the sex is. Pregnancy (as well as our mindset) is not always puppies and rainbows so please don't flame others for being in shock. I am sure that they will love their babies as much as those who were ecstatic about the sex from their big u/s once their LO is here. I already do.

melody921 · September 2009

I agree completely. I have never understood why people care about the gender of their baby. Just hope the child is healthy and that you will be able to provide what he or she needs to thrive.

vmgetl · September 2009

skylined21:
i think everyone is so happy and overjoyed to be having healthy babies ... i think it's just in human nature to be a little sad to not get what you want (re: gender) ... but i do not believe that in any way takes away from the love they have for their child and i also do not believe anyone here took for granted getting pregnant

This exactly. Everyone has different circumstances and I don't think anyone is taking for granted being able to get pregnant, I think it is scary about the unknown- for example, I am having a girl. I am thrilled about it because I can relate to a little girl because I am a girl. My husband was not so thrilled at first when we found out because he was looking forward to a little boy that he could play football with, coach basketball, ect. He was bummed because he didn't think he could relate to a little girl. Never once was he not excited that a baby was coming, he would have just preferred a boy so he could relate better. After seeing a dad and baby girl in BRU the other day, the little girl was giggling like crazy at her dad, he was like now I AM SO EXCITED to have a little girl! He just needed to see another dad with a baby girl to make him realize he will be ok with a girl.

I'm so sorry for your losses, but like you, I have had 2 m/c's and it was hard getting pregnant on us. That doesn't mean we don't want our baby any less because it is a boy or girl. We will love our baby the same no matter what.

Tinkx123x · September 2009

Mrs.KLF:
I'm absolutely thankful that I got pregnant so easily, but I don't think that means I'm not allowed to complain when I'm feeling like crap or having a bad day.
It's BS that just because someone else can't get pregnant, I'm not allowed to feel upset or irritated by something in my pregnancy.

AMEN!!!! I am sick an tired of having an off day and then some people just b!tch at me to feel lucky I'm even pregnant.

Brittni Rimmer · September 2009

Couldn't have said it better myself. I find after reading all the posts about people who went into preterm labor and then lose their children makes all the complaints anyone has seem so stupid and trivial. Especially over gender disappointment. I'm just thankful that this pregnancy has gone so well (as well as can be expected).

Yes, I've had m/s. Yes, I feel like sh!t most of the time. But at least I know my baby is healthy and I'm thankful that I haven't had any problems thus far.

ibis · September 2009

I'm kind of a soft touch, so I try to feel sympathetic to people who have gender disappointment or uncomfortable pregnancies. But after losing my first pregnancy, it's hard for me sometimes not to get my hackles up when I read those posts - that's why I almost never respond to them.

When I was sitting in the waiting room of my OB's office, waiting to go talk to her about miscarriage the morning that I passed all "tissue" at home, there were two pregnant women there complaining about how they couldn't even sit through a movie anymore without having to go pee. I was so incredibly angry and devastated. I was crying my heart out IN PUBLIC because I couldn't stop, and they were bittching about needing to use the bathroom. I try to remember that moment and that there are always other women out there going through what I went through.

kreeper611 · September 2009

madameprimm:

hterry85:
You are so right. I think in the middle of everything it becomes easy to get caught up in gender, nursury, etc. But to their credit, most of the woman who post about gender disappointment also talk about the extreme guilt they have for feeling that way. Not that that would make it feel any less petty to someone simply longing for a baby, but I think you get what I'm sayin!

That is a very good point. I don't think I've seen anyone with Gender Disappointment, even extreme cases, not express at least some guilt about their feelings.

I agree with this. I'm sure people who complain about anything pregnancy related do it as a snap reaction. I know when I complain I quickly remind myself that I've had a really easy pregnancy and I was very lucky to have no issues actually getting pregnant. I try very hard not to take that for granted, but sometimes I'm in a sh!tty mood because my feet are killing me or my back hurts. So I complain.

It in no way lessens my sadness for some of the loss I've seen on blogs in the last 2 weeks - specifically a fellow 2nd Tri bumpie. I pray for her every day to find peace. But I also complain every once in a while about something.

Jen1231 · September 2009

I thank god everyday that I was able to get pregnant and haven't had any big complications in my pregnancy. There are a lot of people that take life for granted. We lost a good friend in December and he was only 22 years old, both of my grandparents have aleady passed away, and my best friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she cannot have kids of her own. You just don't know what can or will happen and should never take life for granted.

littlemaybaby · September 2009

While I certainly understand the sentiment of your post (DH's sister is infertile, so we are always very careful about being either too excited or complaining too much about pregnancy) - you are telling people that it's not okay to feel a certain way.

Feelings of disappointment are natural in a variety of situations - and it doesn't mean that you aren't a grateful person for the big picture.

If I got a crappy raise at work, I would be disappointed. It doesn't mean that I'm not thankful to be employed.

If DH says something stupid or insensitive, it disappoints me. It doesn't mean that I'm not thankful to have a very caring partner to share my life with.

If something goes wrong with our house and the repairs cost a fortune, I'm disappointed. It doesn't mean that I'm not thankful to have a home to live in.

I don't know a lot of women who say, "I'm so mad I'm having a boy/girl that I wish I hadn't been able to get pregnant in the first place."

People should feel guilty about having NORMAL emotions.

For the record, this is our first child. He's a boy. Is there a part of me that wonders what it would be like to buy dresses and plan for dance recitals? Yes. And if this child had been a girl, there would be a part of me that would wonder what little boy things I might miss out on. Totally normal feelings. And it doesn't mean for one second that I am not the most grateful person on Earth for the little man I have inside and for everything I hope to be able to give him in his life.

Edit:

People should *NOT* feel guilty about having NORMAL emotions.

ELPB · September 2009

I don't think anyone is ungrateful if they have a complaint.

LittleMamaB · September 2009

I apologize if this comes off as harsh, but your troubles trying to conceive do not have anything to do with what I am and am not allowed to be disappointed about.

Your feelings do not minimize mine. Feelings are not something one can control.

I am so more than sick of this stupid comment. Being disappointed about not ever having a daughter does not make me ungrateful for my three beautiful boys. It makes me a fukcing human being. Get over yourself.

esmith1 · September 2009

How about you don't try to tell other's how to feel?

hterry85 · September 2009

madameprimm:

hterry85:
You are so right. I think in the middle of everything it becomes easy to get caught up in gender, nursury, etc. But to their credit, most of the woman who post about gender disappointment also talk about the extreme guilt they have for feeling that way. Not that that would make it feel any less petty to someone simply longing for a baby, but I think you get what I'm sayin!

That is a very good point. I don't think I've seen anyone with Gender Disappointment, even extreme cases, not express at least some guilt about their feelings.

Glad to see we agree on something Wink

madameprimm · September 2009

hterry85:
Glad to see we agree on something

LOL Shhh.... we are totally BFFs Wink

Tinkx123x · September 2009

LittleMamaB:
I apologize if this comes off as harsh, but your troubles trying to conceive do not have anything to do with what I am and am not allowed to be disappointed about.
Your feelings do not minimize mine. Feelings are not something one can control.
I am so more than sick of this stupid comment. Being disappointed about not ever having a daughter does not make me ungrateful for my three beautiful boys. It makes me a fukcing human being. Get over yourself.

::Claps::

I'm glad someone else could say it better than I would of

anhella · September 2009

Mrs.KLF:
I'm absolutely thankful that I got pregnant so easily, but I don't think that means I'm not allowed to complain when I'm feeling like crap or having a bad day.
It's BS that just because someone else can't get pregnant, I'm not allowed to feel upset or irritated by something in my pregnancy.

I totally agree.

I mean honestly if this is the line of thought no one should be able to complain about anything, because someone is always going to have it worse than you.

Oh you have the flu? well just be grateful it isn't cancer, and shut up about not feeling well.

blessedinthewest · September 2009

Mrs.KLF:

I'm absolutely thankful that I got pregnant so easily, but I don't think that means I'm not allowed to complain when I'm feeling like crap or having a bad day.

It's BS that just because someone else can't get pregnant, I'm not allowed to feel upset or irritated by something in my pregnancy.

Yes

getnmarried910 · September 2009

skylined21:
i think everyone is so happy and overjoyed to be having healthy babies ... i think it's just in human nature to be a little sad to not get what you want (re: gender) ... but i do not believe that in any way takes away from the love they have for their child and i also do not believe anyone here took for granted getting pregnant

Yes I agree. I don't know what we're having, and while I'd love another girl to put in frills and bows again, I won't be disappointed if we have a boy and I won't love him any less. I don't take getting pregnant for granted at all.

TMs1stBaby · September 2009

I'm so tired I barely want to even respond to this. But here goes. I get pregnant easily, that's putting it lightly. Anyway, first I was upset and disappointed when I found out I was pregnant with a third baby. Yep, and guess what, the fact that friends are having difficulties in their lives in no way makes me feel bad that I was not happy to be pregnant. Second, this will be our last child and if it is another boy, I will be disappointed, because I want a daughter. And guess what I don't give a sh!t if that offends you either. This is my life and I am allowed to decide when I want to be disappointed. It has nothing to do with you.

hokiefan04 · September 2009

I couldn't agree more! We have also been through a loss and although we were extremely grateful during that pg, this one is soooo much sweeter and we feel so blessed. I get kind of annoyed when people ask what we want, because I just want a healthy baby, boy or girl doesn't even matter!

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