I'm here... and my update

MSC03 · August 2009

Hi all. We got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon and I came over and lurked yesterday for a minute, but I wasn't feeling up to chatting and since I mostly talk to the work day girls, I thought I'd just wait to see you all.

We had a beautiful, peaceful little girl Saturday around 5 p.m. She was 12 ounces and about 10 inches long and for 21 weeks, she had chubby little cheeks, her dad's nose, and my facial structure. For as much wrong with her as there was on the inside, she really would have turned out to be a beautiful little girl.

We named her Jude, after the patron saint of lost causes. We decided to use the name whether it was a boy or a girl because it just felt the most appropriate.

I'm not gonna lie, it's been a lot to wrap my head around. I really didn't have a miscarriage--I had a baby who just couldn't stay.

I can't thank you enough for all of the support. Really, it's meant a lot to me to know that so many people across the miles were rooting for us, were happy for us, and now are sending their love.

Feel free to ask any questions that you may have--I am pretty comfortable with answering them.

heather_09_15_07 · August 2009

I am so sorry.

Glowconsin · August 2009

I just read your blog and now I'm trying to hold my shiit together at work. You are a beautiful, lovely and strong woman. Peace be with you, dear.

shanmoyer · August 2009

*hugs* MSC - you are quite possibly the strongest woman that I "know" and I am very proud to say that I know you.

jdeats12 · August 2009

My heart goes out to you. **hugs**

AMYfromKY · August 2009

I am so sorry MSC. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

MrsW722 · August 2009

I'm so sorry. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.

ladipale · August 2009

Again, I offer my condolences.

But thank you for sharing and letting so many strangers into your life.

strawbrrysmile05 · August 2009

I just want you to know that I am hugging you right now. I wish you all the best in healing.

rlscheck · August 2009

I am so sorry! Are you going to have some sort of memorial for her?

heathercara · August 2009

No questions other than are you ok? And plenty of support, compassion, and love coming to you!!

mrs.g_6708 · August 2009

I have been praying for you and thinking about you dear. I wish there was something more comforting I could say. We are here for you. (((hugs)))

imaPrincess · August 2009

MSC, I just want to tell you that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a strong woman. Glad to hear that your spirits sound high.

RileyGrace · August 2009

Your strength and courage is amazing and inspiring. Jude is beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. Continued prayers for you and your family.

ToshaGirl · August 2009

Babes I love you.

You know that.

mrslafleur08 · August 2009

I can't imagine what this must feel like. ((HUGS)) You are in my prayers.

ORAutumnBride · August 2009

I've been thinking and praying for you and your family all weekend. You are such an amazing and strong woman and I'm so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs coming your way.

Leenie_89 · August 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. Jude is a lovely name, and she was clearly very loved.

Mrs.PinkPearls · August 2009

I am so sorry.

MSC03 · August 2009

ladipale:
Again, I offer my condolences.
But thank you for sharing and letting so many strangers into your life.

I guess I've always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't hide my emotions and I don't run from them. I also just feel that this is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens.

And by talking about it, I feel better, other people are able to understand better, and those who go through it are able to connect and better identify with their own emotions.

williaw · August 2009

((HUGS)) I will continue to pray for you and your DH.

DaniSev · August 2009

Words can't express how sorry I am. My thoughts and prayers will stay with you.

JMRau · August 2009

I'm so sorry again MSC. Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

MSC03 · August 2009

rlscheck:
I am so sorry! Are you going to have some sort of memorial for her?

We had a blessing at the hospital with our family and she's being cremated. We're not planning anything further, but if the need arises, we'll do it. But for now I think we're okay.

grace28 · August 2009

God bless you and your family:)

Joyous1106 · August 2009

I am humbled by your strength, your grace, and your composure during this trying time. Thank you for honestly sharing with us what has happened and how you all feel. I wish you peace; my prayers and love continue to be with you and your family. ::big hugs::

sarah0925 · August 2009

You are such an amazing woman, I am amazed at your strength. I am so sorry for your loss and will continue to send T&P's to you and your family.

ashleyc42 · August 2009

I really admire how strong of a person you are. It gives me so much hope you have no idea. My mother had a very similar pregnancy six years before I was born. I dont really think she ever really moved on and it still is a major impact in her life today.

This has always been a looming fear for me becuase i didnt want to ever be like her. I have always tried to convince her that you have two healthy chrildren that you are ignoring because of the loss of another.

You give me hope that if i am ever in that situation I will not sink into a rut like my mom. You have shown me you can see the brighter side and keep your head held high. You are truly amazing and I wish the best for you and your future!

k-mart · August 2009

I am so sorry. She sounds like she was a beauty. You will all be in my prayers.

Rachelilly23 · August 2009

I was reading your blog, and have to say how much of a strong and beautiful woman you are, one to be admired by so many. Thank you for sharing your story- I'm continuing to pray for you and DH, your family, and for peace for your sweet little girl.

sazzette · August 2009

Your strength amazes me.

You know that i love you and I'm here for you.

Xo

Kie310 · August 2009

(((hugs)))

rssnlvr · August 2009

I'm so sorry. What a lovely tribute to your sweet baby girl, Jude. I will keep her, and you and your DH, in my thoughts and prayers.

MSC03 · August 2009

heathercara:
No questions other than are you ok? And plenty of support, compassion, and love coming to you!!

Let's break this one down.

Physically: The outside of my hips hurt like hell from laying on my sides because of the epidural. I will never, ever ever have an epidural again. I was a natural labor advocate before, but I'm a true believer now. I just couldn't do it this time because of all of the drugs they had to pump into me this go-round. And my epidural spot is a little sore, but it's getting better.

Emotionally: I cry. I cry when I see someone for the first time, I cry when I think about how much I love and miss her, and I cry sometimes at just random stuff. It hurts. But I feel like we're taking care of ourselves, I feel like we're moving through this as best as one can, I feel totally supported, and I know we'll get through it. So at this point, I'd evaluate us under the circumstances in the "we're okay/we're good" category.