Does your family know?

CapeCodBride28 · August 2009

Do your family and friends know that you practice AP? Do they even know what it is? Our families can be a little judgemental at times and I wonder how they would respond to wearing LO all the time, co-sleeping, bedsharing etc. Did you get any side eyes?

Quazel · August 2009

We have done some explaining after my FIL said "We think you are doing a great job but are worried that you are spoiling Jaxson." I told him we follow our instincts and most of them fall in line with AP. I have a book if he is interested. He just smiled.

Mama Angelina · August 2009

Our families have been very supportive of whatever we decide to do for LO, although they raised us much differently. We try to be sensitive to their feelings about how they raised us and not act all "high and mighty" about what we are choosing as if it's superior to what they did for us back in the day. No judgment from us and none from them.

Bonzer · August 2009

yes, and i am constantly criticized and constantly defending my family

kat.in.the.hat · August 2009

my family is pretty religious so the few times it's come up, i've just said, i bet jesus was a cloth-diapered, co-sleeping, worn close to mama baby and they just laughed (but didn't bother me again.)

MStason · August 2009

My family knows and they go along with it some of they dont understand but are great about following instructions. I cosleep and that freaks my dad out. He worries I will roll on her at night. But other than that they dont say anything.

Dobie_Mama · August 2009

I don't think our family has any idea what AP is. lol They do know that we bedshare, BF'd, BW, etc. My ILs were a little judgmental over the extended BFing but my family was not. Everyone has been supportive of BWing and bedsharing. I think we get more criticism for being EF than for being AP, honestly.

mominatrix · August 2009

One good thing about our families being 3000 miles away!

My mom will occasionally ask "does she sleep on her own yet?" or "is she still nursing?" but I can blow her off most of the time.

One strategy I've learned in situations like this - - that I have to remember to employ next week when MIL is going to be in town - - -

Put an article or fact sheet or something of that sort on your refrigerator door... don't say anything about it, just put it there. People read others' fridges - - it's kind of like looking at their prescription bottles, you just can't help it... and if it's something well reasoned and well researched, you're making the argument without them even having to raise the issue.

E_sharp · August 2009

Oddly enough, I was raised pretty AP, but it wasn't intentional on my parents part. I don't know if they bedshared or wore me, but I was always with them, attended to quickly, a focus of their attention. It's pretty cool. My folks aren't hippy dippy at all (not that you have to be to be AP) but they are totally totally supportive of every APish thing we've done.

renee143 · August 2009

everyone is aware of our choices, but i don't think anyone knows there is a label

KimberJEB · August 2009

kat.in.the.hat:
my family is pretty religious so the few times it's come up, i've just said, i bet jesus was a cloth-diapered, co-sleeping, worn close to mama baby and they just laughed (but didn't bother me again.)

Oh my gosh! I totally have to use this!

I get CONSTANT criticism from my family. My MIL doesn't think I feed him enough/that I need to quit BFing by 1st bday (we practice baby led weaning).

My father keep saying "You know, they say that if the baby doesn't cry now, you'll cry later", which is just a weird comment to me.

A good friend of mine who is by-the-book baby wise, says (regarding sleep) "you'll have to discipline now or discipline later, it's up to you". I don't find co-sleeping particularly related to discipline, but...who knows?

And FIL and dad both have tried on their own to have Jack CIO. Without permission. Knowing I didn't want them to. Which is actually part of the reason that we are FT co-sleeping, rather than PT co-sleeping (which we did until DS was 10 months). My dad was over and Jack was napping and I asked Dad to let me know if Jack woke up. Apparently he did, but my dad had him cry for about 15 minutes until I came inside "b/c he needed to cry it out". I'm not sure how he was going to cry out being awake, wet and hungry, but whatever. Ever since then Jack has been TERRIFIED of his crib:-(

flutiefrostie · August 2009

My mom loves AP. She was a hippy and I was raised with most of the principles. The one thing she didn't do was wear me, but says she wishes she had so she'd have both arms free. She lived in Africa for several years and saw lots of babywearing there. I guess she just didn't have the resources to do it in the states.

Bakler · August 2009

I was raised pretty AP even though it was not labeled that. I get total support from my family. Some of my friends are surprised that I am still BF but no one have ever been crappy to me about it. I've gotten only positive responses about BW. I don't wear her all day though, only when needed.

eacabraham@gmail.com · August 2009

My MIL doesn't really get it, but she's not around much (she hasn't seen DS in nearly 2 years). With my parents, we didn't sit down and say, oh, we're following this philosophy, we're doing X, Y and Z, we just sort of told them what practical things we were doing.

My mom is a doctor, mostly working in infectious diseases, but she also has a specialty in pediatrics. The combination makes her highly approving of breast feeding (yay immunities!). Long before I had kids, I had seen my mom take steps to support other women (particularly her younger colleagues) in their nursing relationships, so I always knew that she would get behind me on that. The bed-sharing and baby-wearing just looked practical to her, and she told me once that "CIO isn't a strategy for parents who have to work early in the morning, my dear." My dad doesn't really have opinions on child-rearing technique, but he loves DS to pieces and can see he's a happy kid, and that's what he cares about.

suzymarie · August 2009

We get plenty of side eyes- but no straight out criticism. They do know that we bedshare, etc. And they think it is a mistake.

At this point I just ignore it. It still bothers me some but I have just gotten used to it I guess. At first I tried to keep things under wraps but that was too much stress!

IselaCid · August 2009

I did at first, but I'm so open about it and willing to share, only when asked, I try not to offer unsolicited advice! Plus I write about a lot of stuff in my blog and a lot of the family read it. They seem more and more interested the more confident and open I am about it.

847Christine · August 2009

Everyone pretty much knows & generally they're all supportive, but my mom thinks extended BFing is "a little weird". We're pretty EF too & get some eye rolls for being AP & EF, but it doesn't bother me.

ncbelle · August 2009

We've never used the term AP really but they know what our parenting practices are. I get a feeling they don't always approve but they would never really say anything (well, aside from my dad giving me a hard time in fun) - one they respect our choices and two they know DH and I are too hard headed to listen ;-)

I have found it hard to have parenting discussions with friends who have kids (no close friends do so that makes it a bit odder). Frequently they do things that don't mesh with my parenting style and vice versa. My brother and SIL are having a baby this fall - I'm interested to see what choices they make. I have of course gotten them several baby carriers ;-)

missmags3 · August 2009

we have not had LO yet, but we fully intend on practicing AP. my parents are super supportive as they raised us that way (to an extent - extended breastfeeding, responding to signals, no CIO, etc.) however, i am worried about how FI's family will react. im sure ill be instant looney mom... oh well, screw em.

otc · August 2009

I get the rolling eyes and sucked in breath, like ooooh, and a few laughs. My mom was a total *** about making him stay overnight at her house. I told her that he sleeps with us and nurses at night and I felt he would really miss that. She said he would be fine. Of course, I let him, mostly to get her to stop talking about it, and he screamed at her all night long. Now she doesn't ask anymore, thank god.

My MIL feels bad that she spent the money on the crib we never use, but I didn't know that we wouldn't when we bought it.

Some of my coworkers friends can't believe that I still BF, and call me a hippy or attached to much, I say really? I think I'm attached just right. One friend even used the "family farm" example, like in the 1800's, that the farmwives would have quit nursing to have the next baby. I thought no, she would still be nursing and someone would always sleep with someone as there was no heat and not enough beds. Then I counter with the caveman scenerio which is you would nurse until they have enough molars to tear apart the raw meat and you would all sleep together and carry the baby so nothing could kill it in the cave. UGH!

Thankfully, I have met wonderful moms who are just like me. I love my new friends!

habsoilers · August 2009

My mom's big thing is not wanting DD to sleep in my bed. She keeps telling me that it's a bad idea and that babies need their own space. Just the other night after I told her that DD was asleep, she asked very excitedly "in her crib?"

My sister is the one who keeps after me to let DD CIO. She thinks that the fact that DD is 13 months old and still doesn't STTN is 100% my fault because I won't let DD CIO. She tells me that when her kids were a couple of months old, she'd let them CIO because "they didn't need anything, they were changed and fed, anyway it's good for their lungs" and she always tells me I need to do the same with DD. **shudder**

cateye · August 2009

I don't think we've ever called our parenting style AP, but our families know most of our parenting practices. My in-laws are actually more accepting of it than my family. My MIL often defends us to other family and talks about how she co-slept and attended to her children like we do. In contrast, my mom often *asks* how the co-sleeping is going or whether DD is sleeping through the night yet, or whatever it is that we're doing wrong that day. . .and then tells us what we really should be doing instead. Whenever she questions something we do, I just tell them that we've done a lot of research, this is what we've found and this is what we're most comfortable with and that it seems to be working well for us. I actually think my sisters (three who have LOs within a year of DD) would all be AP parents, too, if they didn't live so close to my mom, who thinks AP is spoiling and inappropriate. They've all picked up things (baby wearing, co-sleeping, etc.). Lucky for me, I live 2000 miles away and it is much easier to ignore her input.

labellagirl · August 2009

i probably get more comments from friends than i do family - either way, most people know me well enough to expect a smartass comment if they don't like the way i'm raising my kid - when i was still nursing DD after 12 months, i had a few people comment "she's too old to still be breastfeeding" - my response of "says who?" shut them up pretty quickly

NewMommy44691 · August 2009

My family knows and I've tried to explain it to them but they think it's silly. I'm told constantly that I'm going to spoil him (no such thing at this age!) And when we've had conversations about how long I plan on BFing (at least 2 or 3 -- whenever he's ready and even once he's weaned from the breast I would really like to be able to pump and give it to him in a cup to eliminate cows milk) The fact that I intend to keep him exclusively on BM until his pedi says he nutritionally needs something else and co-sleeping (I don't plan on actively trying to get him in his own room until the summer before Kindergarten - around the same time I want to start trying for another baby - or if he shows a desire 2 sleep in his own bed be4 then) my mom just kind of chuckles and shakes her head.

DH's family live 6 hours away and I'm not the biggest fan of my MIL, we dont talk much. She knows we bedshare and thinks we will spoil him, he'll never STTN (which is BS - if you go by the definition of 5 hours he's been STTN for 2 weeks) and when it was brought up that I plan on bfing into the toddler/preschool years she just shook her head

Sunny1inTucson · August 2009

I don't know if I'm a 100% APer, but I do many of the things that fall under the philosophy.

My mom initially kept asking if DD had been moved to her crib yet. The answer was always no. We still do 30% cosleep and 70% bedshare at night. I don't know if my mom realizes we are still doing this, as she finally stopped asking...I'm sure she'd be surprised! ;-P

As for the babywearing, I bought my sis a Bjorn (she had her baby before I had mine). She never used it....so I got it back from her, lol!

Our families aren't into all the lingo, so they would have no idea what AP meant.

ETA: my mom is proud I've BF for so long, but I'm sure at some point she's wondering when I'm going to stop. And for the CDs (not AP, but others are mentioning it): MIL was cool with it; my mom was quizzical/confused about it.

mrs.baum · August 2009

I don't think they know it by that name, but most people we know, know that I am still BF and they have seen me wear him. Some family members know he does not STTN and sleeps in our bed, others do not.

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