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Pregnant after 35
Peppernut
Don't feel bad!!!!! You would be doing them a BIIIIG disservice to rescue them. They will muddle through and make better choices next time.
I would offer them emotional support and tell them how proud you are of the way they have handled X,Y,Z - find something even if you have dig deep - and give them some tips on living with one (or no) vehicle. I would also try to let them know that you don't view giving up (i.e losing) a car as a failure, just that they have reset their priorities...
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Re: Peppernut
Thank you!
I did call, and got kind of what I was afraid of... I was hardly able to squeak out that we couldn't afford to help, she just had a meltdown over the phone.
She tends to get easily overwhelmed, and tiny glitches tend to become ordeals. She started out getting weepy about the financial thing. Then, as I tried to help her regain perspective by suggesting selling the car, the second house they are building out on land they own near Yosemite, or even renting out rooms in their house, she escalated into a complete blubbering fit about how hard things are for them right now.
Sigh.
My older sister emailed in the thread she wrote asking for assistance, saying she supposed she could borrow against her home equity loan to try to help. Bleargh.
A tiny bit of background anger here on my part - Back when I was in college, I got myself into credit card trouble, like so many kids do. In retrospect it really wasn't a lot of money, but for a kid trying to pay her own tuition, room and board far from home it was huge. When I asked the family to help ME, they offered to buy out my share of the family furniture for what I now realize was a fraction of what it was all actually worth. I lost my right to heirlooms and family antiques for less than a thousand dollars, and still lived on ramen and meals from my waitressing job. The IDEA that my older sister would borrow off her home equity to help my little sister with her extra CAR, free and clear, just enrages me.
Help me, I don't want to be so bitter!
There are parallels for me to so I totally get the bitterness. For me, it has helped to remember that it WAS better for me (emotionally/developmentally) even if it was harder. I also have noticed that I parent differently than my brother who was more like your dependant sister in this story, and I think my sons are better for it.
Also, if your older sister wants to be stupid and put house HOUSE on the line for a CAR... more power to her. You already learned your financial lessons about independence and debt, maybe this is the time or her to learn hers, because one of your sisters is going to learn something, its jsut a matter of which one. Either way, you will be able to sit back and raise an eyebrow if and when she gets that handed back to her on a platter. I guess what I am saying is you can't control other people's actions and, anyway, you are the one better off for the the life lessons you have learned.
When it comes to the "stuff", I start to go down that road myself - but I remind myself that heirlooms, antiques and what-not are great but can be gone in a second, personal growth is part of a personal/spiritual path and is much more enduring. If someone has to live with knowing they screwed over a close family member - that is their cross to bear. I for one, would not be able to enjoy my ill gotten gains and even if they do, they know what kind of person it makes them... That is just how I handle the "slights" that crop up.