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I just got an earful from DH
I understand where he's coming from but he could have been less in my face about it (over the phone).
DS doesn't interact with other children normally. It's actually rare. I have one friend with a kid near DS' age. All the other kids we know are too old for him to play with, or I think they're too old because they are rougher (almost 4+). There is a LLL toddler meeting nearby once a month and there is a bf support group at my local diaper shop once a week. Both of these meeting are when he used to be just waking up or going down for a nap. He got on me though I need to take him to these meetings and that for always talking to all of you that there has to be ladies nearby that I could maybe arrange playdates with. I am terrible at starting up conversation with someone new. For those that are on here I at least have a background and something/several things in common. I feel kind of like an outcast though at these other two groups. Part of it is self-esteem. These girls get dressed up...or at least dress nicer than I do in general. I wear $3 plain men's tee shirts from Wal-Mart of DH's tee shirts if the plain ones are in the wash and jeans and sneakers all.the.time. They put on makeup and carry purses and all that other girly stuff. I can do it...well not the purse part because I can't remember where I put it last week and it's now MIA but I just prefer being casual. The purse when I carry one has my wallet and phone in it. That's it. Which is why I just carry my wallet in my pocket normally. And my mom has ingrained in me that I am constantly being judged on how I look especially when with other women (which could be partially why I don't have many girlfriends and never have) and this thought just irks me. What about who I am as a person inside? Why does it matter what I'm wearing? So, I guess I just have to deal and go regardless of how I dress and try to make sure that my personality shows through (instead of being flat out shy with complete strangers) so that I can get DS some social interaction. I don't want him to "be the bad kid in school" as DH put it because he's as socially inept as I am.
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Re: I just got an earful from DH
11 months
I'm sorry. =(
Do you have any moms/parents groups in your town? We have one that is almost entirely on-line so I joined without meeting anyone. They have tons of family activities on their calendar that are sponsored by the city/state or are otherwise free to attend. I also belong to another mom's group that is totally low key - we add stuff like play dates at the park to the calendar and whoever can make it, attends but no pressure.
If I was near you, I'd be your IRL friend. Our kiddos are close in age and I don't care what people wear.
Posts on cloth trainers/PLing
lol C is squirmy too. ?Have you been to one? ?A lot of the time they have the kids interact and jump around. ?C spends most the time finding a girl to follow around and try to hold her hand.?
11 months
I'm not sure where you are, city-wise, but try checking out The Mommies Network to see if there's a group in your area (or think about starting one?). There's both a message board and, generally, lots of events, and all kinds of people. So you can kinda get to know people online, and then meet them and have that history already
*hugs* Sorry you're having a hard time finding people in your area- it's not easy!
I have had anxiety about this but in reverse -- DH is not that social and I blew up at him once for not taking ds to a birthday party that I had RSVP'd for, got the gift, etc. for a friend of his in preschool. He forgot even though I pasted the invitation where he could not miss it, reminded him before I left for work, and practiced with ds how to be a good guest and saying Happy Birthday. I was just so frustrated that my efforts were getting pushed aside, and said pretty much the same thing your DH about kids needing interaction and outside experiences.
Don't feel like you have to dress up like other moms. If anything, they will all be looking at your kid and comparing -- it is funny how it works that way. When I take dd to Gymboree, I'll just wear any old thing but I make sure she's dressed well -- not pretty-pretty, but in comfortable clothes that will let her move around. Yet another mom commented that she always looks so cute, and more than once I have color- coordinated our outfits without meaning to.
On being shy, practice just interacting in less pressured situations, like the grocery and library/store storytimes (I know our local Pottery Barn has them once a week for different age groups...)
To be honest, I have the same issue with DS and both DH and I worry about it. I'm really pushing myself to get out there this fall/winter. Partly for him and partly for me - I can't be cooped up in the house alone with a toddler all winter again. It just can't happen.
I really thought DS would be the one at a story time screaming and kicking and running about but to be honest, he normally sits for 15-20 minutes and he's not the only kid who has trouble. Lots of them do. If he gets really bad we just get up and leave. If there was someone you went with you can just go wander around the rest of the store until the story time is over and then go back to meet them. Anything to get you out of the house is good, and the more you go the more he'll learn to sit quietly and listen. It is also an age thing - it is hard at 22 months to sit still that long but he will get better the more you take him to these things I bet.
Also, are there any library sponsored classes or do you have a local Y? Ours has classes that are cheaper than other private places for swimming and gymnastics. That can be another good resource for meeting and interacting with other kids. I don't know where you live but if it isn't too rural hopefully you can find something. If all else fails check meetup.com to see if there are any groups in your area.
I'm sorry your DH was so in your face about it. That isn't fair and I know it just makes you feel worse. You never want to feel like you're doing something wrong with your kids or not doing enough for them, and if its something you're already sensitive about its that much worse when your partner who is meant to support you is the one who points it out. Let him know he really hurt your feelngs and that you know its an issue but you need support from him in a nicer, gentler way than that.
There are a couple mom's groups but they all charge fees and they never do anything that doesn't cost money. I joined them last year and then let them cancel me out after I saw that every meetup never cost less than $20. And when we didn't have any pay coming in at all that wasn't doable. And it won't be again in December. I almost feel like I need to start my own meetup group and plan activities that are mostly budget friendly except I have no idea what those activities would be especially on rainy days and in the snow.
Ugh...I'm sorry. It may be a good idea to start your own - kind of a project. My spin off mom's group hardly ever does anything that costs money. I don't know if we really do it on purpose, but we generally meet at parks or each others' houses.
Posts on cloth trainers/PLing
I specifically joined my local Mommies Network group because it doesn't cost anything to join or belong. I know in our neighborhood group, we try to choose a variety of things- but a lot of days we just meet at the playground or the library, or go out for coffee, because SAHMs don't usually have lots of money to spare. We also have groups that go walking at the mall with their strollers or have playgroups in people's homes. Just some ideas in case you do find a group or start one! (Someone has to, right?!)
me again....
there's a bux/mont group of TMN, if that helps.
You should totally start your own. Is your house/apartment big enough to have 2 people over at once to play? We managed to get 7 moms and babies into our tiny little 700 sq foot flat, and a friend of mine did it in her even smaller flat. It is definitely a good idea. I bet there are a lot of people out there right now looking for a group that doesn't cost money and doesn't have activities that cost money. I know I skip out on any activity that has a fee. Look up what days your local children's museum have a free night or the zoos. The ones up here tend to have one day a month or one evening a month that are sponsored by some charity or corporation and you can get in free or deeply discounted. You could arrange to all meet at Border's for a story time, things like that. Go to a local playground, meet in someone's backyard for arts and crafts where you do something really cheap and just let them do finger paints or something on cut open paper bags.
Meanwhile, I should take my own advice on this! I'm always too embarassed to have people over here, though. That is why I've been budgeting so we could afford to join a couple of places for winter.... Hopefully I'll get over having people over and just do it already, though. Our place really isnt' that bad just the outside isn't great. But inside is totally fine.
I have no idea what you just said. Can you elaborate please? :-)
I thought after I posted that I remembered that you were at your IL's right now. That stinks, and I'm really sorry you don't feel welcome there. I can't imagine how frustrating that must be for you.
Definitely look into the books, zoos, museums. We're just outside of Boston and if we can go to the museum for free we can normally handle the parking if we hunt around for a discounted lot or something. Especially if its a once a month treat, you know? We're also really tight on moeny so I can totally understand your hesitation on that. But even better would be story times and playgrounds or local parks. Are there any places where you can do walks in the woods or nature reservations? Those also tend to be great for this sort of thing.
Also, a lot of classes offer a first class is free to see if you like it deal. Maybe you could hit up a bunch of those?
LOL, sorry! TMN= The Mommies Network, the free mommies group I'm a part of (and loving). Their site lets you search for groups, and says they have a group serving Bucks and Montgomery counties. I admit that I have no idea how much of a drive that would be for you, but it's worth a shot (and might be worth the distance) and thought I'd point it out. Click here for the "Buxmont Mommies" site.
Thanks. I'll give this a check. It can be a drive to those counties, but sometimes drives aren't that bad especially if it's for something that looks fun.
Our zoo (Milwaukee) is open even in the winter, and there are a few open indoor areas where you could sit with the kids/let them run around. Also, zoos are usually OK with you bringing your own snacks/drinks for kiddos (which can be budget friendly).
Considering your financial situation in the winter, maybe you could ask for a family zoo (or museum) membership for Christmas.
Here's another site listing mom's groups in Phili area. You can also use this site to start your own group if you want to.
Good luck!
i'm right there with you. i'm terrified of meeting new people, and it's all self-esteem related. i'm very overweight, so i can't wear 'cute' clothes, and i don't have designer stuff. i have super sensitive skin so i normally skip make up too. and, i have no money. story time on Friday (my at home day with DS) starts at 10. Inevitably DS will go down for a nap around 8:45 and not wake til right after story time starts.
i take him out a lot, but not to playdates and playgroups. we usually wind up walking around the mall, or the little neighborhood playground. there are kids around, and he'll get excited and wave- but i worry i'm not giving him enough interaction. and my neighbors have twins that are only 8 months older then him- we played together all the time but they're moving tomorrow :-*(