I am a hater

AlisaS · August 2009

southernbelle82:

AlisaS:

Pot, meet kettle.

If me listing the reasons I choose to stay home is the same as someone saying they hate people for being SAHMs...then so be it. I don't see anywhere where I passed judgment on anyone...those are just the reasons that are important to me and what guided my decision. Like I said in another reply, I never had a job I loved and didn't love my career.

If you want to judge me for my personal reasons that I stay home...go for it. I don't judge you on your reasons to work. I don't judge my mom for having to work.

OK, think what you want.

When my kids are grown I will be happy that I was an interesting enough person to have discovered goals/passions/interests outside of "raising" my kids. And, I will be proud of the fact that I was a good role model and an adult who made a contribution to the world other than just being a SAHM.

southernbelle82 · August 2009

AlisaS:
When my kids are grown I will be happy that I was an interesting enough person to have discovered goals/passions/interests outside of "raising" my kids. And, I will be proud of the fact that I was a good role model and an adult who made a contribution to the world other than just being a SAHM.

Wow. I love how you think SAHMs aren't interesting, have no goals or interests and do nothing important with their lives. You must not think highly of daycare providers either...since all they do is watch after kids. Confused

AlisaS · August 2009

southernbelle82:
AlisaS:

When my kids are grown I will be happy that I was an interesting enough person to have discovered goals/passions/interests outside of "raising" my kids. And, I will be proud of the fact that I was a good role model and an adult who made a contribution to the world other than just being a SAHM.

Wow. I love how you think SAHMs aren't interesting, have no goals or interests and do nothing important with their lives. You must not think highly of daycare providers either...since all they do is watch after kids.

The fact that you don't get that I am being sarcastic makes any other reply a major yawn-fest. Sleep

southernbelle82 · August 2009

AlisaS:
The fact that you don't get that I am being sarcastic makes any other reply a major yawn-fest.

Didn't sound sarcastic...sorry if I misread. Yawn away.

Just to set the record straight. I do not judge nor look down on WMs. My original post was to the OP and her blanket statement of hatred for SAHMs.

IrishBrideND · August 2009

southernbelle82:
Jaylea:

LOL. Here it is, folks! The someone else raising your kids card.

Way to go. Now you're just as big of anass as you think the OP is.

I simply said why I choose to stay home. My reasons. My experiences. I don't look down on my mom for sending me to daycare...nor other moms.

Well if you didn't know the connotation of that phrase and how its used by people at times to put down moms who work, now you do . I don't think you meant it that way, but its a phrase you should avoid.

14years · August 2009

southernbelle82:

When I'm old and my kids are grown, I'm going to remember being there for them when they were little.

I'll find comfort that I was the one raising them and teaching them.

Just to make sure it's clear, I think these are the parts that upset WMs, because it implies that we aren't there for our kids and that we aren't "raising and teaching them." I am sure you think your DH is there for your DD and raises her and teaches her even though he presumably works outside your home most of the day. We are, too.

I really don't think you meant any offense, but these are sort of the "nuclear words." SAHMs have their hot button phrases, too, of course, and I always try to avoid those and be mindful of what I am saying when I talk to my SAHM friends.

FWIW, almost everyone here disagrees with the OP.

southernbelle82 · August 2009

14years:
Just to make sure it's clear, I think these are the parts that upset WMs, because it implies that we aren't there for our kids and that we aren't "raising and teaching them." I am sure you think your DH is there for your DD and raises her and teaches her even though he presumably works outside your home most of the day. We are, too.

I really don't think you meant any offense, but these are sort of the "nuclear words." SAHMs have their hot button phrases, too, of course, and I always try to avoid those and be mindful of what I am saying when I talk to my SAHM friends.

FWIW, almost everyone here disagrees with the OP.

I really didn't mean any offense at all...I think I just worded it poorly. I've heard from so many WMs that they love their job. They love their career and couldn't imagine staying home. Well I never loved my job or career so for me it's not worth going back into the field...unless I had to financially.

Of course I know WMs 'raise' their children. My mom did...but so did the daycare that I was at. They had me 10 hours a day so they were doing a lot of the teaching in my early years and my mom did miss out on a lot...that's where I was coming from.

It hurts on either side to have someone put you down (or hate you like the OP) for your decision.

IrishBrideND · August 2009

southernbelle82:
14years:

Just to make sure it's clear, I think these are the parts that upset WMs, because it implies that we aren't there for our kids and that we aren't "raising and teaching them." I am sure you think your DH is there for your DD and raises her and teaches her even though he presumably works outside your home most of the day. We are, too.

I really don't think you meant any offense, but these are sort of the "nuclear words." SAHMs have their hot button phrases, too, of course, and I always try to avoid those and be mindful of what I am saying when I talk to my SAHM friends.

FWIW, almost everyone here disagrees with the OP.

I really didn't mean any offense at all...I think I just worded it poorly. I've heard from so many WMs that they love their job. They love their career and couldn't imagine staying home. Well I never loved my job or career so for me it's not worth going back into the field...unless I had to financially.

Of course I know WMs 'raise' their children. My mom did...but so did the daycare that I was at. They had me 10 hours a day so they were doing a lot of the teaching in my early years and my mom did miss out on a lot...that's where I was coming from.

It hurts on either side to have someone put you down (or hate you like the OP) for your decision.

If you think day cares also raise kids, then you have to also think that teachers (preschool, kindergarden) raise kids as well. So either way, then, someone else also ends up "raising" your kids (hence why I hate that phrase). As a teacher, I don't think I 'raise" kids. I teach them. I make sure they are safe. But I don't raise them. Their parents do. No matter how I slice it, their parents see them more than I do (unless they don't live with their parents, obviously).

Again, I know you didn't mean it like that Just explaining.

southernbelle82 · August 2009

IrishBrideND:
If you think day cares also raise kids, then you have to also think that teachers (preschool, kindergarden) raise kids as well. So either way, then, someone else also ends up "raising" your kids (hence why I hate that phrase). As a teacher, I don't think I 'raise" kids. I teach them. I make sure they are safe. But I don't raise them. Their parents do. No matter how I slice it, their parents see them more than I do (unless they don't live with their parents, obviously).

Again, I know you didn't mean it like that Just explaining.

Oh I get your point too. But in a way, I feel that teachers do help 'raise' kids. Not 'raise' in a parental way...but you're teaching them, helping to develop their minds and form them into the adults they're going to be. Same goes for daycare providers. In the early years before school, they're enforcing lessons parents are teaching, helping to develop new skills, nurturing and providing care to the little ones.

Like I said, there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't understand why the OP hates women who choose to do that themselves full time.

ETA: and really 'raise' isn't the right word I'm looking for...

Again...sorry if my wording offended anyone. That was not my intent at all.

IrishBrideND · August 2009

I don't get the anger, either. The working mom/SAHM fights make me sad. I don't get why women are so b!tchy to each other about things like this. I think both sides get out of line and I just don't get it.

southernbelle82 · August 2009

IrishBrideND:
I don't get the anger, either. The working mom/SAHM fights make me sad. I don't get why women are so b!tchy to each other about things like this. I think both sides get out of line and I just don't get it.

I don't get it either. It's really sad. Neither is better than the other and neither works harder than the other. It's just different. Different goals, different wants, different needs, different personalities, etc.

14years · August 2009

southernbelle82:
IrishBrideND:
I don't get the anger, either. The working mom/SAHM fights make me sad. I don't get why women are so b!tchy to each other about things like this. I think both sides get out of line and I just don't get it.
I don't get it either. It's really sad. Neither is better than the other and neither works harder than the other. It's just different. Different goals, different wants, different needs, different personalities, etc.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.

katydid2007 · August 2009

southernbelle82:

Meh you can hate on us all you want. When I'm old and my kids are grown, I'm going to remember being there for them when they were little. I'm going to have those memories of seeing all the firsts. I'll find comfort that I was the one raising them and teaching them. No job or career is worth missing this time, to me.

My mom HAD to work and she still regrets having to put us in daycare. She missed out on so much.

Wow. I'm so sorry I even read this. I'm not even going to get into it, as others already have and there is no point in beating a dead horse. Mean, mean, mean.

southernbelle82 · August 2009

katydid2007:
Wow. I'm so sorry I even read this. I'm not even going to get into it, as others already have and there is no point in beating a dead horse. Mean, mean, mean.

well, I've already apologized if I hurt feelings...and said that was not my intent at all. I also think it's pretty mean to hate someone b/c they choose to stay home.

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