Thank you Dear Annie!

RFBsbride · August 2009

I love reading advice columns. I read several everyday. Today in "Annie's Mailbox" which was started after Ann Landers passed away, this is the letter that was printed. It sounds like a letter any one of us could've written. Thank you Annie for getting the word out!........

Dear Annie: I am in my early 30s and happily married. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for four years. We achieved pregnancy once, which resulted in a miscarriage. Meanwhile, our friends are having babies left and right. I no longer can handle baby showers, but I always send gifts and good wishes.

In these four years, we have encountered both well-meaning and cruel people who say awful things to our faces and behind our backs. Our struggles have served as gossip at parties, which is embarrassing and hurtful. Here are some of the gems we've heard: "There must be something terribly wrong with you," "You're selfish for not coming to my baby shower," "Fertility treatments are morally wrong, so it's no wonder they're not working," and "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children."

How should we respond to these types of comments? It is painful to know that our fertile acquaintances don't feel our situation deserves respect or discretion.

? Infertile Myrtle

Dear Myrtle: Some of those comments are utterly reprehensible. You have several choices of response: "Thank you for your opinion," "Sorry you feel that way," "I'm sure you didn't intend to be hurtful and cruel" and the all-purpose "I can't imagine why that's your business." If you have not already done so, please contact Resolve (resolve.org) at 1760 Old Meadow Rd., Suite 500, McLean, VA 22102 for support and encouragement.

caden · August 2009

Yes

I have to say, if someone said any of those above comments to my face they would be throat punched. I wouldn't even hesitate.

Babsie7 · August 2009

Sounds familiar - It's amazing how insensitive people can be!

I got another *wonderful* comment while we were on vacation. At my friend's rehearsal dinner her family started asking us when we planned on starting a family. My husband and I had recently decided to tell people that we are trying (after over 2 years of trying and not telling people). So my friend's dad starts ranting, "I don't understand when people say they are trying... what does that mean?" and continues loudly, "I barely had to look at a women and she got pregnant!" Here I am sitting next to my DH with MFI and had no idea how to respond to his comments. I just laughed it off but I was pissed! I really could have used Dear Annie - thanks for posting!

nikinikinine · August 2009

I agree with caden. Throat punching is definitely in order.

Although we had "friends" say to us "we're praying for you" as they roll their stroller onto our lawn. The whole approach is completely condescending. Like oh, we hope someday you can be as lucky and happy as us.

We're not lepers or dying of cancer. It's just taking us a bit longer to have a baby. Life won't end anytime soon. Quit your sh!tty praying already.

Mrs.AmandaMqn · August 2009

caden:
I have to say, if someone said any of those above comments to my face they would be throat punched. I wouldn't even hesitate.

Ditto. I am at the end of my patience with people who are jackasses.

cheekyali · August 2009

reprehensible is right

SheWoreScarletBegonias · August 2009

Yes Yes for Dear Annie for printing that!!

My favorite reply is "I can't imagine why thats your business"-- I will certainly have to tuck that one away in my memory for the next time someone makes a dumbass comment!!

Thanks for post this!

hopecounts · August 2009

Awesome response!

Want a personalized experience?

Thank you Dear Annie!

Re: Thank you Dear Annie!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards