Loss of a twin...

TAGolden · August 2009

My husband and I were devastated to learn that one of our precious baby girls had passed away. We got the news two weeks ago today. I understood it was a high-risk pregnancy, as our twins were identical (they shared a placenta), but it's so frustrating because the doctors can't even tell me why this happened.

It's only been two weeks, but I'm back at work today. I'm trying desparately to push through and be strong for my other precious lamb, but it is incredibly hard. The dichotomy of two of the most intense emotions one can feel (the crushing devastation of a loss and the joy of being pregnant)...

Is there anyone out there who has had a similar experience? Please tell me how you made it through!

sunnymel · August 2009

I don't have anything helpful other than just to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember another nestie was recently (within the last 2 weeks) here and going through the same thing, I'm sorry I can't recall their name. Hopefully that person will see your post though.

Sending you big <hugs> and I'll keep you in my T&Ps.

Mel

babygirlpriest · August 2009

Another nestie posted here or on the TTCAL board in the last week or so (but that might have been you).

I can't totally relate. I lost identical twins (both of them) two weeks ago today also. Though I would do anything to have just one of them back, I can't imagine how conflicted your emotions must be right now and how difficult it is to feel the joy everyone expects of you.

I loved the 'specialness' of having identical twins. My poor kids would have been dressed alike till they were 30! My future dreams involved TWO cribs in the nursery and having to buy a DOUBLE stroller. My father (from MN) bought matching Minnasota Twins onsies... all my dreams for the future involved TWINS.

And though I'm desperate to get pregnant again and finally start our family, I'm terrified that I will be disappointed and depressed because my ONE baby isn't the TWINS I was supposed to have.

I know my challenges will be nothing compared to what you are having to deal with and my heart hurts for you. But maybe knowing someone can kinda, sorta, a little bit relate helps.

vkbaby09 · August 2009

I'm so sorry for your loss. I unfortunately lost all of my multiples, but know that even if you still may have one with you, you still experienced a loss and should grieve as such. There are at least four women on here that have lost at least one multiple. Hopefully they'll chime in. I believe there's also another board possibly on MOST that is purely for your situation. How far a long are you? ((((big hugs))))

MoMandA · August 2009

There is someone on the multiples board who is carrying twins where Baby A died and Baby B is in utero. I'll look and I am so sorry.

here4u · August 2009

My twins were fraternal, so they weren't sharing anything, but I lost one of my girls at 21 weeks 3 days. The Dr.'s didn't know what to tell me as far as how my body would react. I was able to stay pregnant for exactly 6 weeks after that, and then I delivered them both and the other girl is healthy & fine. Your situation is much more delicate, what have the Dr.'s told you so far?

TAGolden · August 2009

babygirlpriest -

I am so sorry for your loss! I totally understand what you mean by the "specialness of identical twins."

I can't blame you for being terrified. I don't know about you, but losing the baby makes me have so many doubts and I sort of don't trust my own body now. Does that make sense?

Again, I am terribly sorry. And thank you so much for your reply. We're not alone in this...

TAGolden · August 2009

vkbaby09 -

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's devastating either way, whether you lose one or all..

I am just about 28 weeks now. Hanging in there for my little girl. Thanks so much for replying. It helps to know I'm not alone in this.

TAGolden · August 2009

here4u -

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm happy to see that your little Sophie is well -- she's adorable!

The doctors don't have too much information. He doesn't know why it happened, but they'll monitor me more closely now and continue to treat it as a high-risk pregnancy. I seem to be fine physically (no dilation, no effacement, etc), so hopefully my little girl will continue baking for awhile.

TAGolden · August 2009

MoMandA -

Thank you for the info.

TAGolden · August 2009

Sunnymel -

Thank you so much!

laurncui812.0 · August 2009

We lost one of our boy at 32 weeks 5 days. I don't know what to tell you because it is not easy. I delivered my second boy at 34 weeks and he is totally healthy. We found out that the second boy's cord was on the edge of the placenta and he was not getting enough blood. I understand that it is a rollercoaster of emotions to have but right now is when I was telling myself to stay positive and calm for the health of my other boy. It is hard. feel free to email me whenever laurncui81 at hotmail.com. I tried mostly to focus on getting my other baby there healthy and being worked up and crying all the time was not going to help him. I would contract everytime I did cry so I knew that was probably not good for him. Again, contact me whenever you like.

hilwithonelary · August 2009

I'm am so sorry! I recently went through the early loss of a twin. We found out it was twins and saw both heartbeats at 9 weeks. 2 weeks later, one was gone. Even only knowing I was having twins for 2 weeks, I was already so attached to both of them.I can't imagine getting so far into the pregnancy and then losing one. It does produce very conflicting emotions. It has been extremely hard dealing with them. I've turned a lot to prayer and music. I hope you have something or someone you can find comfort in. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

lewis514 · August 2009

Hi TA,

I had identical girls as well. We lost Chloe right at the end (36w5d) and she was stillborn. Kira is doing fine and completely healthy. They have no idea why except she was always smaller and had calcification on the placenta where her cord was attached.

It's the hardest thing ever - I told my OB afterwards that we experienced the best & worst day of our life on the same day. There's no other way for me to describe it. I still miss Chloe but Kira brings us such joy and happiness. DH and I decided in the recovery room that we were going to focus on the positive and that there was a reason Chloe didn't make it.

I post these alot but recommend you check out the following resources that may be helpful:

CLIMB - Center for Loss in Multiple Births

https://www.climb-support.org

Twinstuff forum has a loss & grief section. Here are the resources their moderator has organized.

https://www.twinstuff.com/forum/index.php?/parental-grief-resources-t55614.html

Again, I'm so sorry....

TAGolden · August 2009

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied! It sucks to be on this particular message board, and I'm so sorry for each of your losses as well. It helps some to know that we're not alone in this..

God bless all of you!

mommy_bear · August 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I am expecting twins, one of which is no longer alive, my sweet Baby A.

We went in for our 20 week ultrasound and discovered Baby A no longer had a heart beat. My life turned upside down that day. Although, the pain is no longer paralysing, it is still very hard being pregnant. I greive daily for my sweet boy yet I hold on to hope for his growing brother. I look forward to delivery where I will meet my surviving Baby B yet, dread it as I will have to say goodbye to my sweet angel. Such conflicting emotions are incredibly hard.

I have found incredible support from www.climb-support.org. They helped me get through weeks when I could barely put one foot in front of the other.

I am here for you if you want to talk. Just say the word! (you'll find me on the 35+board most of the time)

Kari

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