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Adoption
Adoption advice
New to the bump board. My husband and I have considering adopting in the next few years since I am unable to have children safely myself due to serious complications. I would like to hear any experiences on the process from people that have gone through it. Trying to understand the processes better and what are the best places to call and get more information on this topic.
Our family will most likely not like that we are adopting, my husband is the only male on his side and they are hoping that we a baby instead of adopting. That aside, I would appreciate any advice, since I don't have too many people to turn to.
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Re: Adoption advice
First, you have to decide which type of adoption you're interested in. The three main types are:
International
Domestic
Adopting from the Foster care / foster to adopt
There are women on this board from all three of these options who would jump in at a moment's notice with any question or concern that you might have. Many of the women on this board have blogs that you can follow along, and read their experiences. I'd recommend researching all of these options as much as you can, because, in the end there's one that will fit your family the best. There are alot of great books out there, adoptions for dummies is a good place to start.
Good luck, feel free to stay around, ask questions. Welcome!
Hi and welcome.
Experiences are going to vary widely, because there are many ways to adopt: through foster care, domestically, and internationally; through an agency, an adoption law firm, or facilitator. A good start may be to get a beginner book like Adoption for Dummies or the Idiot's Guide to Adoption. They walk you through the different types of adoption and help you decide what would work for you and your family. There is no wrong way, just what works for you.
You may also want to check out some websites. Adoption.com, adoption.org, and resolve.org come to mind. You can also see if any agencies in your area have seminars, webinars, or teleconferences. We did one through resolve.org, and also one through a local agency. Both very informative if you're just getting started.
You may be surprised about how family reacts. For everyone who has an issue with family, there seems to be someone else pleasantly surprised at their relatives' reactions to the thought of a new member of the family, no matter how they come to be in the family.
Check in often, and ask lots of questions. It's a great group.
Welcome.
We are adopting and my DH is the only male on his side of the family. Our child will carry the name on if that is the concern. I might be surprises at how people act when they see that this is what you really want.
Welcome!
Read through the past several pages, you will see that a lot of common/starting out questions are asked - you might glean some insight there including posts about beginning books/websites.
Perhaps your family needs to be reminded that the ultimate goal of what a family entails is unconditional love and support. What good is a family, IMO, if they can't love and support you in life - even if they are related biologically. There is a lot more to life and family than the color of our eyes, the shape of our nose and the color of our skin. What we pass onto our children in the way of memories, beliefs, morals, traditions will be what your children talk about in the future (biological or adopted) not 'oh, I'm so glad I have my mommy's nose'. KWIM?
You have to live life for you and your husband - doing what makes you happy. Your life, IMO, would not be very fulfilling if your family puts conditions on their love and support for you and the life you want to lead.
So that's my pep talk to you. Be bold. Stand up for yourself. And live life fully!
You would be amazed at how most people will follow your lead. If you approach adoption with confidence and excitement instead of being passive and hesitant when you discuss it with your family - then chances are they will see that there isn't room for their unsupportive opinions.
And, I would find support groups in your area. A lot of times they are offered through fertility - adoption counseling centers. While it might sound like 'not your style' to go to a support group - you will find, in most cases, a few other couples who have the same questions, the same backgrounds and some of the same issues with regard to their journey to parenthood. It can be a nice place to vent and get support if your friends/family in your every day life are not there for you.
Good luck!!
I agree with all the PP's. I just wanted to say welcome and GL!
This - we've also dealt/down the line will deal, with the issue of unsupportive family. (My in-laws don't yet have a clue of our plans, for various reasons, but my fam is aware and on board).
I think what happened with my fam was, we told them our plans after years of thinking/processing/debating. What we saw was their gut "I never expected this and now you are telling me this is how it's gonna be" gut reaction. If they love you and see that this is what will make you happy, you'll be surprised how fast they come around - in my family's case, with minimal convincing/arguing/coercing.