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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
hilwithonelary
member
don't know if I really belong here
hilwithonelary
member
but right now I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Yesterday, I found out that I lost one of my twins. I knew it was a possibility since they were discovered so early (8w 6d), but I just never thought it would actually happen to me. Worst of all, DH is deployed, so I had to find out all by myself.
Right now I just don't feel excited about this pg at all. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I should be thankful for having any baby at all. I'm afraid that for the rest of my life, every milestone my baby reaches will remind me how there were supposed to be two of them. How can I balance being sad for Baby B while being excited for Baby A? I'm just so confused.
My mom tried to help, but she kept saying things like "God has his ways," and "Now your baby will be able to grow big and strong" and "Wouldn't you rather have one healthy baby than two with problems?" I took a day off work today, and she advised me to have a good cry, take a nap, and then "put all of my sad feelings away." I don't think I can get over being sad in 24 hours. I don't think I should have to either.
I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful to any of you ladies who have experienced m/c. I truly can't imagine the pain you must have. I just didn't know where else to turn.
Hilary
This discussion has been closed.
Re: don't know if I really belong here
Just my opinion, but I definitely think you belong here. You have suffered a loss. Even though you still have one baby left, the loss of the one not surviving is still a loss, and you are grieving.
There is someone else on this board (I'm sure there are more, but this is the one I am most familiar with) that lost one of her twins at approximately 17w. She is still pregnant with the surviving Baby B. From what I had read, she experience many of the things you are going through. Let me know if you want me to PM her so you can get in touch.
So sorry for your loss. So happy for your surviving baby. Good Luck!
I'm so sorry for your loss. If you find comfort here, you definitely belong here. I would caution you to be careful though and balance it with a happier place too, only because there are so many heartbreaking stories here. It would be easy to focus on the negative and the scary, and you've got a little miracle to be focusing on and thinking positive for.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you'll post as much as as little as you want to. Sending good thoughts for your little fighter!
I would very much appreciate it if you could PM her for me. Thanks so much.
I lost one of my twin girls at 36w5d and she was delivered stillborn. This board has been very helpful so please come here when needed.
It's very hard - I love my little girl but I still miss her sister. There are resources for multiple losses. We do try to focus on the positive but I still have my down days and milestone events are difficult.
I recommend that you check out CLIMB (Centers for Loss in Multiple Birth). They offer resources for loss of one or both twins. You also might want to talk to your OB about some counseling or resources as well.
You're in my prayers.
You ladies are so amazing. Thank you so much for your support. I only knew I was going to have twins for 2 weeks before I found out I lost one. I can't imagine going further into my pregnancy only to lose one or both of them. To offer your support after the losses you ladies have experienced shows tremendous kindness.
Today has been better. I've been able to look at my ultrasound pictures without crying and instead look with amazement at my baby's tiny little body that is starting to actually look like a baby. DH has been able to call a couple of times, and it's helped to talk to him.