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I am sad and angry.... :(

Cow-girlCow-girl member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

II just heard the news that someone I know, who was due two weeks after me that was on her way to the hospital to possibly have her baby.   It ripped my heart out and I almost started crying right then and there.  I was heartbroken..  I wanted to yell "It should be ME.  I should be ready to deliver, not stuck trying again.  I should be on my way to the hospital." 

Alright now I am in tears.  I dont think it would be so hard to deal with if it wasnt so close to Grace's due date.  I am so down today..  I didnt know it would be this hard.  I just dont know how to handle it.  I dont want to be a jealous person.  I dont want to feel this way. 

I have been so strong but today I am just broken.  I couldnt be strong tonight.  I am sitting here in tears.  I am trying to remember to be thankful for what I do have, but it doesnt take away the pain of what I should have. 

Im sorry Im such a downer tonight, Im normally so positive, but I am just so upset tonight.  I want to go back to being the person who is happy for others who have babies, not someone who bawls at the thought...   I just needed to share this with people who understand...

 

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Re: I am sad and angry.... :(

  • AMG06AMG06
    I'm so sorry you are having a rough night. You are allowed to break down and have bad days. You've given me so much support in the few days that I've been here and I can tell that you are a strong person. I will be praying for you! ((HUGS))
    Andrew James born 7/9/10 @ 7:13pm - 7lbs 14oz & 20in Baby #2: EDD 11/2/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
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  • priya&peterpriya&peter member
    Oh!  cowgirl, I am so sorry to hear that you are having a bad day because your daily inspiration posts really have helped me so many times.  I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.  It isn't fair that you aren't welcoming little grace into your home and life right now.  I just know though that she is at peace right now and that you will regain your strength again.  Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way.  It doesn't mean you are a jealous person.  It is just something that is incredibly hard to go through.  big hugs to you!
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  • Cow-girlCow-girl member

    imagepriya&peter:
    Oh!  cowgirl, I am so sorry to hear that you are having a bad day because your daily inspiration posts really have helped me so many times.  I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.  It isn't fair that you aren't welcoming little grace into your home and life right now.  I just know though that she is at peace right now and that you will regain your strength again.  Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way.  It doesn't mean you are a jealous person.  It is just something that is incredibly hard to go through.  big hugs to you!

    Aww you made me cry.  Thank you so much for your kind words..  You were definitely a comfort to me tonight.  God Bless you! 

     

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  • DebbieJS77DebbieJS77 member
    :( I am so sorry you are having a bad day. You are right though that we do understand and you are not alone. My best friend who was due 10 days before me had her baby this week. That should be me! We have to stay hopeful for the future that it WILL be us someday. Our time will come (and hopefully sooner rather than later....) Hugs!
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  • vkbaby09vkbaby09

    First of all, don't feel bad that you're down - you have every right to be!  It's hard to not be hard on ourselves for having these feelings.  Our society is such a move on and up one that dealing with grief is hardly acceptable for a short amount of time after a loss, let alone as long as someone in our situations need.  It takes a long time to not be bothered by little things and even then something as huge as somebody you know having a baby can and does trigger immense emotions.  You're sweet, little Grace is not with you and should be!  You have every right to feel bad about that.  You also have every right to be jealous of this other person...and everyone who is able to have healthy babies.  I'm so sorry you're having a rough night.  I really hope you feel a little better tomorrow at least.  It's just so hard...

    ((((((((big hug))))))))))

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  • Rachel&JoeRachel&Joe
    Sweetie I am so sorry.  I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.  You are such an amazing person.  Do not feel guilty for being jealous.  I pray that your angel baby in heaven gives you the strength to get through this.  Big hugs to you today. XOXO
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  • KAG30KAG30

    I am so sorry that you are having a sad night. 

    My friend is due any day now and I know that I am not going to be able to go see her and her baby for a while.  I feel so bad, but I know she understands.  I also know that what happened to me has made her even more thankful that she and her baby are still ok and will love her baby even more. 

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  • KelleyBeanKelleyBean member
    Of course this is a hard day for you and that is ok. No matter how much we want to be, it's impossible to stay up and positive all the time. Everything will be going along and then something like this hits you and rocks you to the core. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Grace and I hope we are all holding sweet babies of our own in 2010.
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  • MrsMSGMrsMSG member

    I know.  My c-section was supposed to be next Thursday. I had a girlfriend give birth last Friday, and one today.

    Sigh.

    m/c feb 07 ~ m/c twins oct 08 ~ Duncan Thomas: born to heaven 5/19/09 - m/c jan 11

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  • smileychic10986smileychic10986
    I am so sorry today is a rough one for you.  You're are always such a strong person, it's okay to feel down like this sometimes.  You have been through what no parent should ever have to live through.  I need to thank you for always being such an inspiration to me.  Your morning posts always help me so much, knowing others are hurting like me, but that there is hope for the future.  I wish I had the words to say to make you feel better.  You are a beautiful, wonderful mother.  And I pray that one day, soon, you will have another little one to share that love with.  I am sorry you don't have little Grace with you today.
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  • monica92603monica92603 member

    don't worry.  we don't have to be strong and positive everyday.  let's face it....we have some really sucky days. 

    a good friend had her baby Monday.  We were excited to only be due a month apart.  Yesterday I got to look at all her pictures of her and her little girl from the hospital on facebook.  It's not fair and I'm not even going to pretend that it is.  This is her 3rd.  Another friend told me today that she is having her second.  It just flat out sucks that all of my friends are having their 2nd and 3rd children and I haven't been able to have one.

    BFP #1 5/10/06 ...m/mc @11.5w 6/29/06 D&C 6/30/06
    BFP #2 10/29/08 ...stillborn via c/s @41w 7/20/09
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    missing my baby everyday
    BFP #3 1/20/10 My angel's little sister Grace Madison was born September 8th 2010 @37w. We're so blessed! Thank you angel for getting her here safely.
    BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
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