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Vent: My father and brother are class A jerks!

curlilocks1207curlilocks1207
in Blended Families

I am so frustrated with both of them right now I could just scream!

First, my brother is just an idiot. My parents divorced when he was 12.  He pretty quickly became the master manipulator and played them against each other every chance he got.  If he was on good terms with one (meaning getting whatever he wanted and having $ spent on him) he wasn't speaking to the other. He has carried this behavior into adulthood and just turned into a bigger jackass than ever. 

Right now he is mad at my mom because while he was home on leave (he is in the airforce) last time my grandma was diagnosed with a brain tumor and given 4 weeks to live so he didn't get the attention he wanted from mom. He immediately crammed himself up my dad's a$$, which my dad ate right up and thus begins my dad vent.

He is the classic case of the bio dad who married a complete b!tch and rather than stand up to her when she treats his biochildren like trash he just makes excuses for her. They both badmouth my mom and her husband at every turn so they just love the fact that they are the "good parents" in my brother's eyes right now. Mostly, I think my smom likes the fact that brother is in japan and she doesn't really have to deal with him.  Dad's favorite thing to do is whine to anyone and everyone that my sister and I don't involve him in our lives.  Sister is almost 16 and involved in a ton of school and church activities.  Dad will call her to see what her schedule is for the weekend and if he has anything planned...band, tennis, youth group, etc he tells her not to bother coming over at all. Last week my mom and sdad bought her a car for her birthday. She immediately called my dad and asked him to come over and go for a ride (she is driving on a permit so she couldn't drive over by herself to pick him up).  He told her he didn't "feel like it" that evening, but would meet her after he tennis match the next day and take her out for dinner. He never showed up or even bothered to call and she had to call my mom and wait almost an hour for someone to pick her up. But yet he will continue to whine to anyone and everyone that my sister doesn't make time This is just the most recent example of 11 years of douchey behavior.

The kicker is, somehow he makes all of it my mom's fault because she lets my sister sign up for too many activitiesConfused So yesterday my brother's wife went into labor with their second baby, brother called dad and said he wasn't calling my mom or I. Dad calls me, but his wife calls my mom to gloat about the fact that brother called them but isn't going to call anyone else so she would be calling mom with updates. My mom was just heartbroken. She has done so much for him it is just ridiculous and she will just keep doing it because she thinks somehow his bad behavior is her fault because he comes from a "broken home".  Am I the only one that thinks they are both giant douchebags?

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Re: Vent: My father and brother are class A jerks!

  • DREWLILYDREWLILY
    imagecurlilocks1207:

    Am I the only one that thinks they are both giant douchebags?

    Uh NO!!! I was thinking that they are huge asses too! And, your mom, well she sounds like a super nice lady and all, so not to knock her but she needs to put her foot down and stop trying to make up the past to her snotty little son! He is treating her like crap and she doesn't deserve it and shouldn't stand for it. There is a reason he behaves this way, because he's always been able to get away with it!
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  • FloF9FloF9 member
    Yes they're both douchebags - they have been enabled to behave like this all these years.  Not sure if your mom would have the strength to put her foot down after all these years.
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  • MrsBPOMrsBPO member

    Yes, they're both jerks.  Your brother is supposed to be an adult.  He needs to act like one.  (and OMG, this pantywaist is protecting my freedom?)  Your mother needs to get over her guilt, stat.  That guilt and "OMG, he's from a broken hooooome" that she's given in to is what has turned your brother into what he is.  She needs to get over it so he can.

    Your mom needs to cut him off.  At the knees.  Until he can learn to respect her, because he has none for anybody.  She is deserving of his respect, but until she and he both think she is, she's not going to get any.  And her heart will continue to be broken.

    I'll need to introduce your bro to my ex, so my ex can kick his arse.  As much as I complain about the ex, he would NEVER countenance that type of behavior toward a parent, especially a mother.  My ex is former military and would give him the business about duty, respect, honor, etc.  Maybe I can on his behalf, since I'm former military spouse and hold true to those same darn values.  My current DH would whip his arse physically and verbally for treating his mother like that.  My own son hasn't been forgiven yet because he hasn't apologized for something he said to me and for taking something from me without apology.  Imagine the fun we could have with your brother!  With my boys, current and ex, it's "you don't do that to anybody, worse is if you do it to family, but BY GOD, if you do it to YOUR OWN MOTHER, you are less than the lowest worm on the face of the planet."  Gotta say, I did get that part right both times.


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  • SaranSaran member
    I wouldn't say they're a$$es but the bi-product of a broken home. It sounds to me like all the family should have been in therapy when the divorce occured. Does your brother need to grow up----YES but sometimes the hurt runs so deep, it's hard to break free from the negative, dysfunctional cycle. I know you're all adults now (except the 16 year old sister) but each of you should seek out therapy to try and get to a place where you can be a healthy functioning blended family. It's never too late.
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    I feel so bad for your poor mom having to be called by 'new wifey'.  I would be so mad is my bropther did that.

    We have lots in common curlilocks my parents divorced 11 years ago and my dad is re married to a lady who runs the show.  I think dads attitude is, it's just easier to agree with her - sucks!

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  • WahooWahoo member

    Your mom is enabling her sons bad behavior.  She needs to take some tough love courses.  She is an active participant in this mess.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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