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Naming the baby

toriwctoriwc member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Someone either here or somewhere else suggested a pregnancy loss website to me, which was very helpful.  (And of course, I cannot recall which one right now).  One thing that I was not sure of though was the insistence of giving a name to the baby, no matter how early the loss.  While I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with doing so, it made me wonder if there is something wrong with us for NOT naming the baby.  We have a girl's name chosen, and are between two boys names, and neither is gender neutral, and DH really doesn't want to do it at all.  Anyone else like us?  I totally get why to do it, so please please please no one think I think there is anything wrong with it.
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Re: Naming the baby

  • HolanchiHolanchi
    We had a late loss, so we had already had the babies named for several weeks.  I probably wouldn't have chosen a name if it was an early loss, though, before finding out what we were having. 
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  • stacieann15stacieann15 member
    We had an early loss (8 weeks, the baby stopped growing around 6 weeks). We did not name the baby. I felt weird about naming the baby when I didn't know its sex. All of this depends on YOU and what you feel is best. Don't feel bad for not naming the baby.
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  • vkbaby09vkbaby09
    Don't feel bad about not naming your baby.  I didn't name my early loss either until after I had my later losses.  I read in a couple different books that people named their children something that's not a conventional name after their loss whether it be a nickname they used for it or something else.  I decided that I wanted to name my four earlier losses so that I could write letters to them as well as Colin and Ian.  I named them Sun, Earth, Wind and Water.  It's a little hard to explain.  I didn't talk to my DH about it before I did it, I just decided one night.  I've told a few people, but don't necessarily think about them with those names a whole lot.  I also did find out the sexes of three out of the four that I lost, but still chose to not give them "real" names.  It's a very personal decision with no right or wrong answer.
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  • MixiePixieMixiePixie
    We didn't name our baby either.  I was 13 weeks when I found out so we hadn't decided on anything for sure yet (and we weren't going to find out the gender).  We had just been calling the baby X, because I was signing cards from me, DH and X - and it stuck.  I still just call her X, and honestly, I kind of like it.  It gives her an identity while still maintaining some mystery.
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  • amandaoooooamandaooooo member
    I think everyone goes through the grieving/healing process their own way. Naming is a personal choice, nothing wrong either way. We decided to name Avery because it made me feel better.  This was our first pregnancy and I almost felt if I did not name the baby it would all feel like a bad dream, not real.  Naming the baby made it feel concrete to me, if that makes any sense at all. I have a name to hold on to, to say it makes me feel closer to Avery.
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  • babygirlpriestbabygirlpriest

    DH and I lost twins. We'd picked out first names but hated each other's choices for middle names. Because those names happened to be spiritual in nature and because we would never have actually used those names if they were born, we named our babies Grace and Angel.

    But I don't think there is anything at all 'wrong' in not naming them. You two should do exactly what feels right for you and helps you heal.

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