Any one else angry?

swayze16 · August 2009

I don't mean this to come off snarky at all and I truly don't begrudge anyone their excitement and happiness, but is anyone else really angry at all the healthy, pregnant women around? I never noticed it as much as I do now. Everywhere I go...grocery store, Target, parties, etc...there are happy pregnant women rubbing their pregnant bellies and I just want to cry. I have even be unavailable for a few baby showers this summer because I just couldn't stand to "oh" and "ahh" while I felt like crying my eyes out. I am three weeks post-d&c...please tell me I will revert back to a happy-ish person soon...anyone else feel this way?

Kara5109 · August 2009

I haven't reverted back to a happy person yet. I started crying at work tonight because some women said something insensitive to me. She didn't mean what she said, but she realized that it hurt me when it came out of her mouth. Hopefully things will start to look up soon!

swayze16 · August 2009

I am so sorry. I wish people would simply not say anything unless we bring it up...I am so sorry for your loss.

Heckelsgren · August 2009

I'm not in the angry stage, but I'm sure it'll come. I just had the miscarriage over the weekend and I'm tearing up left and right. Today when I was at Target I began to cry because I passed the blue cheese in the grocery section. I love blue cheese. Couldn't eat it when pregnant and wanted to and now that I'm not pregnant I don't want to.

I think the best thing is to accept the feelings you are having and have faith that someday you'll be one of those happy pregnant women rubbing your belly and complaining about having to pee all the time.

picarona · August 2009

oh Heckelsgren, hugs to you. I experienced the same thing with coffee. I finally had my first coffee this morning and I cried because it felt like such defeat to do it.

bonnieblue1 · August 2009

I think that anger is perfectly normal. I've always heard 'experts' say its a stage of grief, and dealing with a loss like a miscarriage certainly would take you through all those stages.

I'm 9 weeks post a natural miscarriage and was almost 17 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby boy. DH and I had been trying for over three years, and naturally conceived for the first time. Upon passing the first trimester, we (regrettably) made a huge deal of being pregnant. Short of shouting it from the rooftops, we made it a public ordeal, thinking, of course, that after the first trimester we were in the 'safe zone'.

Now, consequently, I still have friends that I don't see often and haven't realized that I lost the baby. I can't tell you how many times I still get the "Wow, I always figured you wouldn't show very much since you're tall and thin but for being so far along you look great!" comment.

Most of my friends are either pregnant or just having newborns, and not being in that mommy-to-be club makes me angry sometimes. Not towards anybody I know and love that are fortunate to be down that path right now, but just at my situation. It's normal. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it doesn't mean you're not a great friend for not being over the top excited for your pregnant friends, it means you're human and you're grieving.

I know for me as the time has passed, I still feel my loss. I'm still depressed when I see a baby on TV or a woman in a grocery store (I saw a very VERY young teenager far along in her pregnancy and of course thought to myself 'there's no way she deserves to be pregnant more than me' and then felt incredible guilt for judging some stranger just because she was pregnant and I'm not). However, I have noticed that as time passes, the anger is the first thing to subside...at least in my case.

Hang in there girlfriend, its a long road to cope with miscarrying a baby. But the thing I've learned is to be patient with myself and realize that what I feel is what I feel; no apologies, its just what I feel. You're entitled to grieve how you need and if that means mentally cursing every pregnant lady you see so be it. Just keep the faith that someday it will be you.

lax15bsu · August 2009

Oh yes, babies and pg women come out of the woodwork for all of us right after a m/c. It's nature's way of laughing at us.

Kel&Jay · August 2009

It's totally normal to be angry. It's been 7weeks since my D&C and I feel like I'm starting to feel more like myself again. That doesn't mean I don't feel like screaming everytime I hear someone complain about her pregnancy or that I can see baby stuff without crying ( I went on an impromptu shopping spree at Target last week after I accidently walked past the baby isle).

Let your grief run its course and don't let anyone rush you through it. You are entitled to your feelings.

HUGS!!

grr_aargh · August 2009

Yes. Yes, I'm angry. And you can be angry and you will be. But one day soon you will have a day when you've become happy again - a happy person, a good day -- I promise. You probably won't be the happy person you were, you'll be a new happy, a different happy. I promise.

angelsmile · August 2009

I can't tell you it will be soon...but it will happen eventually. I was "lucky" enough in my situation to have legit reasons to be pissed at the medical people involved in my EP so I got to place all my anger ON something rather than just finding my way through it. Plus deep down I knew the second I saw the line that the pregnancy was in trouble.

It will depend on a lot of things. Your circumstances and how honest and open the communication is b/t you and DH, how soon you get pg again when you are ready to try, and how many people in your actual circle get pg before that happens. Good days and bad days to come. And I can tell you, once you are TTC, pg, or God forbid suffering a loss...once your mind is on babies the bellies just come out of the woodwork!

travers081906 · August 2009

Im so sorry for your loss...

I am only a few days post d&C and yest my DH took me out for dinner, neither of us wanted to cook and he wanted me to get some air... ugh... we got a pregnant lady sitting beside us giggling to her dh and then complaining bc her baby is kicking her. I never even got to feel my baby move!!!! UGhh... then we have a new mom sitting behind me all googly eyed and loving her child with her mom. So all i hear is grandma this, grandma that. My dh was like awe how cute is that, he can't wait to start trying again. And here I am still in pain from surgery and all I want to do is cry and wish i was still pregnant. I let out a few tears during dinner but tried not to let anyone see. Ugh... it was a bad idea to go in public that soon...

so your not alone....

Cow-girl · August 2009

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I think I am past that stage right now, but it doesnt mean it wont come back and bite me in the butt again. Im sorry you are having a rough time.

AMG06 · August 2009

I was actually like that for a few months before my BFP because I dealt with infertlity and it was just SO hard to see. I got a few weeks of happiness looking at pregnant bellies and now I'm back where I started - possibly even worse. I think the worst part was sitting in the waiting room at my doc's office yesterday surrounded by pregnant women. Ugh.

So Long Astoria · August 2009

I'm actually starting to think I'm missing some sort of sadness gene, because none of this bothers me. In fact, I think it's kind of strange that it bothers anyone.

I miscarried last week, and this week I booked three newborn session (I'm a photographer) and I didn't think twice about happily taking them.

I guess I just don't think other people have anything to do with my loss.

samm1983 · August 2009

It is very normal to go through that phase.

After my 3rd loss, I went through a major anger phase.....I was angry at my body and angry that God would do this to me again.......the feeling I had towards pregnant women wasn't anger, but just feeling really hurt. But I will tell you that this does get better....a lot better over time. Now, after my 5th loss, sometimes seeing babies or pregnant women is a trigger reminder of our little babies and what we will not have, but it isn't as bad as it used to be. I will say that when I see women complaining about being pregnant or complaining about their kids....that REALLY hurts. Good luck.

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