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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Having the worst day ever!!!
After 7 weeks I'm back to work. And I feel like crap!! It turns out my co-workers were mad at me. I got into a meeting with my boss for 2 hours, where she started saying that I was irresponsable, inconsiderate, and ungrateful. That they "respected" and "understood " my decisions about not wanting to chat about my loss, but that I was a completely irresponsable person by showing no interest to their worries and concerns toward me. She also said that I had no commitment to the company, and that honestly she thought I was not going to come to work today. She also said that I better start learning how to deal with my loss, cause she is pregnant and she is not going to tolerate me getting emotional or my lack of enthusiasm when there are baby related topics being discuss.... Later my 2 co-workers were invited to the meeting where they also expressed their feelings and gave me advice about how I should deal with the situation. And that I definitely needed to talk about it, because it was the only way to heal.
The whole time I was completely shocked and in tears; not only where they claiming to "know and understand" how I felt (since none have ever had a pregnancy loss) but where telling me that 7 weeks were enough for me to heal and that I better get my happy face on, cause I was going to be bombard by my boss's pregnancy all the time and I should be thrilled that its her and not me. (I have not said, not even once since I got to work today that I'm sad...I've been telling people that I'm "OK, and fine") . I felt totally betrayed by them, cause no matter what happens in someones life, everyone deals with it in a very different way. I chose to be on my own, to not talk about it with everyone. I chose to deal with it my own way, and let people know that I don't want them walking on egg shells for me. You can not tell someone who and when to heal. You can't expect someone to just forget and move on like nothing happened. I had a baby for 20 weeks.... None of them have had a pregnancy loss, none of theme know the pain that a mother feels, and then you have the guts to come and "advice me how to feel/deal"!!! Seriously!!??? I feel like crap....I honestly don't want to be here right now....
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Re: Having the worst day ever!!!
I can not believe how rude and inconsiderate people can be! I am so sorry you had to put up with that from the people you work with. That is absolutely ridiculous, and a reason to be mad, hurt, and feel betrayed! Those people have no idea what you are feeling or going through right now, and they shouldn't make it seem like they do. You don't have to be *excited* for your boss and her pregnancy. You have the right to walk away from conversations involving her and her pregnancy. It's hard to deal with that right now, in your grief, and there is no rule stating you must be happy for pregnant people!
I'm just sorry you had to deal with that. People just don't get it. And they never will, unless they (God forbid) go through the loss of a child them self.
((((Big Hug))))
OMG....I would say F*** You and walk out the door. That is unbelieveable. People deal with grief in many different ways and one way of dealing with it does not mean the other way is right or wrong.
Is there anyway you can quit? I know that will be feeding into their "issues" but I would not want to be around that kind of treatment.
Sorry you are going through this. I will be thinking about you and sending good vibes your way. Hugs.
O.M.F.G. Is there a board of directors or H/R you can complian to/talk to about this??? This is BEYOND insensitive. I would not stand for that at all.
Wow! I am shocked beyond words! I cannot believe how horrible the people you work with are. And your boss is possibly the biggest A88hole I have ever heard of! I am so extremely sorry about your loss and your day. I can't imagine going back into that place trying to be productive with a smile on my face. I think I would start looking for a new job.......easier said than done, I know.
Again so very very sorry
I am really appauled that people would talk to you like that. I had a pastor compare the loss of our child to a car accident amputation. (our daughter's legs were amputating in vitro and we choice to let her go). When we were contiplating what to do- he simply asked me "Do you love your child?" I said of course we do! He then said then there is no doubt to what we should do... I ended up hanging the phone up on a man of God. We were totally judged by him and his comparisons made me sick to my stomach.
I would be absoulutely disguested by your work. I might even start looking for another job if I were you. I would imagine that you will never be able to forgive them for their comments and radically inappropriate behavior towards you.
I am so sorry you had to go throw that. It is cruel and unusual treatment! What an insult to injury for you.
Please take care....
o.m.g. I am so sorry. That is the last thing you need to be dealing with and these people are the last thing you need to be worried about right now. how dare they be so insensitive?
ditto AnnDev, is there an HR department or higher-ups that you can talk to about this? This is unacceptable behavior.
Yes there is, I work for it, and my boss is the HR Manager.....imagine that!!
Wow! I know I'm a little late, but wow! I would go to the pres of the company if that is the only person who is above your boss! How did the rest of the day go? What about today?
((((((big hugs))))))))))