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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
roxyttandme
member
I delivered my stillborn daughter on Friday (long/sad story)
roxyttandme
member
In case you didn't already read our story: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/20652881.aspx
I went in on Tuesday morning to terminate. They put a 10in needle into my belly, into my uterus and into my daughter's heart. After two attempts, her beautiful life ended. My pastor joined us and gave the beautiful blessing I ever heard.
Later that evening, I was admitted into Labor and Delivery. My induction was painful- but not nearly as bad as were feeling inside. The nursing staff and doctors treated us with honor and respect (which I was scared if they were to judge us and treat us poorly). They gave me all the pain meds I asked for with little limitations. I labored into Friday evening... Around 4pm on Friday, I was still 1 cm- but in massive pain. They gave me two more shots into my epi- and I could no longer move my legs... Around 9:30, I started to feel a pressure and pain on the left side of my vag. At 9:35m I looked down and saw pool after pool of blood and clots. I bent over and saw that I was half way delivered. Our daughter was out to her chest and I was sitting on her. I screamed so loud that my family outside the door heard me. DH ran out to the nursing station and the next thing I knew- 1 dr. and 3 nursing and my entire family ran into the room. I had a placenta separation and was bleed terrible. The dr. delivered our daughter along with a nurse and was brought to a table wrapped in baby blankets. DH was hysterical and my mother held him close. I pushed 40-5 times to deliver the after birth and the dr. put her entire hand into my uterus to confirm that I didn?t leave any placenta inside. My bleeding stopped.
We had a photographer from NLMDTS. She was just amazing! She assisted the nurse in cleaning up our daughter and dressed her in a sleeper I bought prior to admission. The nurse handed me our daughter, Haliegh Mae Schutte. We were with her little over 3 hours. My family came into the room 1 by 1 to say hello and goodbye to our beautiful daughter. I asked her to be taken away after I noticed her body starting to break down and ooze.
I am now home and trying to rest. All I can do is cry and I don't know where to put the pain. How do you even start to digest this sort of thing? What do I do? How do you move on? I don't have the words to express the amount of pain DH and I are going through. It is as if I have forgotten even the simple things (including typing) walking, talking, eating... taking a shower... I just don't know what to do with myself. I guess this where you just take it 1 day at a time... We will be seeking professional help and antidepressants.
Any support and/or suggestions would be great.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I delivered my stillborn daughter on Friday (long/sad story)
I cannot speak from 1st hand experience, all my losses have been much earlier. But as to the grief... the only thing that has somewhat helped me, is just LETTING MYSELF FEEL... if I want to cry, that's what I do. Kick and scream? do it. Same goes for laughing and maybe even cracking a smile... don't feel guilty about it - like you're supposed to be wearing black and feeling morbid 100% of the time. Just FEEL. Realize that DH (and your whole family) may grieve differently than you, and that's ok. Recognize displacement. Bite a head off over the toilet seat up? that's ok, just try not to do it daily ;-)
The hardest part for me was 2 weeks after the dust settled, and the whole world had the nerve to go back to reality, while I was still on my couch in PJ's eating ice cream for breakfast. If you can, invite well-wishers to check back at that point, to drag you out then... that would be nice, IMO.
I heart just aches for you, I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
You have so much grace. Haliegh has a wonderful mother (and dad).
Please take care of yourself, and eachother. We're here if you need us.
-Tracie
I am so very sorry for your loss and that you had to endure a lot of pain and scary times during your delivery. I'm glad that you stopped bleeding though and didn't need a d&c on top of the delivery. It's really nice to read that you did many of the things I did or wished I had done...I hope that your experiences were as good as mine and that you can be at peace with how everything happened.
The grief after losing a baby is so intense, as you already know. My therapist said that the loss of a baby is the hardest kind of loss there is for people. I am still in the throes of it and I'm now 7 weeks out from my sons births/deaths. It has gotten a little easier over time to deal with, but it's still a rollercoaster ride with some days way worse than others.
The first week after our loss, DH and I were inseparable. He took the week off and we spent it talking about everything a lot and went away for an overnight stay at a little resort town about 2 hours away from home. We walked on the beach and ate good food and talked. It was very nice and I highly recommend going away for a little bit to anybody in a similar situation.
Other things that have helped me process my grief are spending a lot of time on here, reading a ton of different books about losing babies and grief, journaling and talking to people close to me about my experience and my babies. I've had one support group meeting that I also highly recommend. I also just started therapy last week and I think that will help a lot too. What the pp poster said about really feeling every emotion is super important. If you don't let yourself feel the pain, then it will only come back to haunt you down the road. Good cries are a good way to do this.
Take care. You and your DH are in my thoughts.
I am so sorry. Sadly I can relate. One day soon you will learn to breathe again ... one day soon every moment wont hurt. I think of my Hope often, I think of how pregnant I would not be, etc. One thing I did start this weekend was a project for our immediate family of her footprints framed. I cried the whole time.
I would highly recommend counseling. Also, do not be afraid to tell people what you need. If you need to be along, tell them. If you need to have visitors, call someone.
My heart breaks for you.
My dear friend,
As I sit here in tears reading your story my heart is breaking for you and your DH. (((hugs)). You are right... you take it one day at a time or sometimes one minute at a time. When my little boy was born I was pg with our little girl, so after our little girl passed the first few weeks I did nothing. People were kind enough to bring food or I am sure we would not have eaten. Showered? It took my DH everything he had to get me in there and it was just once in that first week. So no, I don't have any advice on that. We cried, we held onto each other and we hide from the world for a couple weeks. It is a rough road and I am sorry you are on it. My prayers are with you and your DH. This board is great! The girls on here are wonderful! Please lean on us when you need to.
My blog is https://lovelosshope.blogspot.com/ if you want to check it out.
My love and thoughts are with you,
Nicole
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's the most devastating thing I've ever gone through. I'm so glad you will have some pictures of your little one for the future.
I did alot of crying the first month. I would hold her outfit that we took her picture in and cry in the morning. For me, that and talking about our angel Chloe really helped (oh yes, chocolate & peanut butter was also great). I still talk about her and think about her everyday. It does get easier but it's never easy.
It is just one day at at time until you get to what I call "the new normal." Not the one you want but the one you're stuck with. I think professional help is a great idea; I haven't gone yet but may go to a support group soon when I feel I'm ready.
Just do whatever you need to do & rely on family/friends to help you each day & do what needs to be done.
My heart breaks for you... I cant imagine how hard it was for you to come to the decision you had to make.
I can tell you that the first couple weeks after delivery were the hardest for me. I cried all the time. I felt like I would never quit crying. But day by day it did get easier. Take one minute at a time, dont try to deal with too much at once. I found that blogging was very therapeutic for me. And the girls here have been the greatest support. My faith is what got me through the rough spots.
If you want to read my blog and what I have gone thru and how I have made it thru there is a link in my siggy. May God bless you and give you peace and comfort right now. Remember that we are here for you anytime. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to PM me!
I am sorry for your loss. I know this must be a difficult time for you.
I watch the Hallmark channel. It helps me to watch more positive television that is inspirational. And the beautiful stories just make me cry. But it feels more like a more positive cry because I am inspired by the shows on the Hallmark channel.
I don't have advice beyond finding outlets to talk about your loss. Whether it's your pastor, a counselor or both. Family and friends may not be the best sources for this, as they may be uncomfortable with you and have emotions of their own regarding your loss. (and be afraid of saying the wrong thing!) So do seriously consider an outsider, and also posting here when you need some group hugs.
ALSO-please post a picture of your dear daughter here, we'd love to admire her and give you a venue to show her off.
I am so sorry for you loss. I would love to say I don't know what you are going through, but having lost our baby girl at 20 weeks I have some sort of idea...and i've very sorry. I have however found a group of women who have been through the same thing, and I googled one for you. Give them a call when you are ready. Our loss was in February and I didn't start going to meetings until May. But it has been the best thing I have done after our loss.
https://www.sharingparents.org/meetings.htm
Our Journey in Blog.
My Blog
Our Sweet boy Luca Salvatore 10/6/10 & Our precious daughter, Arianna Regina 4/9/13
i'm so so sorry for what you and your family just endured. i know it's hard to do and the days seem to last forever along w/ the terrible heartache but in time the pain will ease. Right now you have to grieve, cry, sleep, eat, drink do whatever you need to do.
my heart is just breaking for you. i'm so sorry.
Like others, I cannot speak from experience because my loss was much earlier. But I hope that when you are ready you are able to talk. Talk to your DH, talk to your counselor, talk to whomever, but I hope you are able to talk about Haliegh, about your memories, about what you've felt and are feeling.
I am so, so sorry. My heart aches for you and your DH. Haliegh Mae is such a beautiful name for your beautiful baby girl.