My mother was/is a rager.

BubblyToes · August 2009

And it affects every facet of my parenting. I know there are times that I lose it and yell, we all do. But I don't ever, ever want my child(ren) to go to bed crying at night because of something I've said or done to them.

kittycarr · August 2009

AW!!

DandR · August 2009

my mom has the patience of a saint....my dad was the rager. I still get scared of him sometimes!

eclaires · August 2009

Noshit. My mom, I love her, we're now really close, but holy hell I do not want to imitate some of her parenting. She has such a temper; it's freaking scary. Or was, I guess. I don't really interact w/ her in that way anymore [well I did once when I was pg with Jackson and we almost never talked again]. Since then things have changed enormously...obviously based on the first part of my post.

4Speedy · August 2009

I was curious during the newly posts. I wanted to ask her what her mom was like. I assume that's why you mention it?

xbrooklyngrl · August 2009

what exacttly is a rager?

My mom is crazy funny. She'd be calm, calm, calm telling you to stop doing sh*t and then she'd go off like a mofo. Hilarious. lol

breezee_bean · August 2009

totally.understand, Bubbs! The couple of times I have yelled in a situation that totally wasn't needing that, I felt sooooo badly because I know how J felt.

happ17 · August 2009

I hear you. One time, my mom got so pissed she picked up the glass top off of the coffee table and just slammed it down, it shattered everywhere and we were sitting on the couch like a foot away.

She?s medicated now, so all is better.

StephNJer · August 2009

I can totally and completely relate. I love my mom dearly, and she's not like that anymore, but there were periods of my life growing up where she raged and it scared the sh!t out of me. I discovered pretty early on that I have inherited her temper, and I have to work REALLY hard to keep it in check. I do lose my patience with my DD sometimes, as we all do, but I have vowed to never rage at her like the times I was raged at. It's funny too, because overall my mom was wonderful to me growing up, but she had her moments, and those are the moments that stick out in my mind and I remember over the good ones. It would absolutely kill me if I did that to my sweet DD.

One piece of advice given to me that I try to always remember, is that one damaging thing said/yelled at you can erase a thousand "I love you's", and that is totally what has happened with my memories growing up. I think a lot of people underestimate how deeply their words can impact a child (or anyone for that matter).

mlm1128 · August 2009

I hate to even hear people say that.

I honestly don't remeber ever getting yelled at. My mother also has the patience of a saint (she did yell at my brothers once in a while but they were what the neighbor used to call hooligans). My father used to have a fake mad voice that we actually gigled at wevery time he tried it.

My parents weapon of choice was "I'm so disappointed in you, in I thought you were smarter than that" which could cut like a knife when used properly.

Goose51504 · August 2009

This, except replace your mother with my father. Which, he learned from his father (and mother, so I hear). See the cycle? Yeah, it needs to be broken at some point, which is what I was trying to get across to her.

I have a HORRIBLE temper. And, have yelled, more times that I care to admit, at Peyton. And for what? Stupid sh!t and things that *shocker* are NORMAL toddler behavior. Talk about feeling like an asshat.

It's something that I work on every.single.day. However, I'll be damned if my child is ever vindictively "punished" just because I can't get my sh!t together.

And, who says things like, "I just want to rip her head off?" or I "dragged her little butt into daycare?" Who refuses to hug their TWO year old b/c she didn't say she was sorry?!? The same person who had the audacity to tell me that her relationship with her DD is just fine. Yeah, whatevs, Joan Crawford.

This is what comes to mind, when I think of newly and her relationship with DD (or what it could become). Do you think she really wants that?!?

Amanda&Chris · August 2009

My mom and I are really close now, but we get along much better now that I'm married and she's post menopausal. Thank the Lord she went through menopause early!

She wasn't a rager, but she was very moody, my best guess is PMDD or something like that. You just never knew what mood she was going to be in.

eclaires · August 2009

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay dokay, mommy dearest. That movie is fa-reaky.

mikeandmonica · August 2009

mlm1128:

My parents weapon of choice was "I'm so disappointed in you, in I thought you were smarter than that" which could cut like a knife when used properly.

This exactly. I hated to disappoint my parents.

StephNJer · August 2009

Goose51504:

This, except replace your mother with my father. Which, he learned from his father (and mother, so I hear). See the cycle? Yeah, it needs to be broken at some point, which is what I was trying to get across to her.

I have a HORRIBLE temper. And, have yelled, more times that I care to admit, at Peyton. And for what? Stupid sh!t and things that *shocker* are NORMAL toddler behavior. Talk about feeling like an asshat.

It's something that I work on every.single.day. However, I'll be damned if my child is ever vindictively "punished" just because I can't get my sh!t together.

And, who says things like, "I just want to rip her head off?" or I "dragged her little butt into daycare?" Who refuses to hug their TWO year old b/c she didn't say she was sorry?!? The same person who had the audacity to tell me that her relationship with her DD is just fine. Yeah, whatevs, Joan Crawford.

This is what comes to mind, when I think of newly and her relationship with DD (or what it could become). Do you think she really wants that?!?

This was very well said (even the Joan Crawford part). I'm not really a "regular" on this board and don't get a lot of opportunity to post, but I did go back and read Newly's original post. I'm not familiar with past posts of hers, and I don't know her or her dd nor will I pretend to act like I do, but I really hope later after she calms down she can look back on people's responses and take it into consideration.

It's so.hard. for me to admit when I'm wrong, but I realize this and I've worked on it a lot in the past year or two. I've yelled at DD for stupid, stupid stuff too and it breaks my heart afterwards. I've always made an effort to appologize or give a hug. Parenting is not easy, and at times it can really, really test you, but I hope that if i was in a similar situation and people were telling me they were concerned for my dd and how I was approaching something with her, I would be able to step back and re-evaluate some things. Something I'm learning is when to get over myself and be the bigger person for my dd's sake.

Anyway, I'm sure if Newly reads this it's not going to make anything better especially coming from someone not really in the know or a regular on this board, but I hope at the end of the day she and her dd are ok and have both calmed down.

DandelionMom · August 2009

I'm the kind of mom that could so easily be a rager so I have a lot of sympathy for what she's going through.? I think reading posts like this are one of the things that help me bite my lip instead of yell.??

KoriBrett · August 2009

Sadly I read your title as "raver" and was like, huh?

twice.

I need to go home and drink :-)

Goose51504 · August 2009

KoriBrett:

Sadly I read your title as "raver" and was like, huh?

twice.

I need to go home and drink :-)

LOL - can you imagine how much more chill our parents would be, had then been ravers?

winomom22 · August 2009

My dad was and he was effing scary. He would spank with a belt sometimes and it seriously damaged our relationship-I always lived in fear of him. I love him, he's a great grandfather and I have moved on and gotten over it but it is not the way I want my child to feel about me. So I vow to never spank. I sometimes lose my sh*t and yell, but I apologize for it afterwards. That was the one good thing my dad would do-after he spanked and screamed at us at least he would apoligize later and tell us that he still loved us. I know that is how he was parented and he was just doing what he was taught and thought was best. My mom and dad were very young and ignorant as parents.

cnybride2be · August 2009

DandR:
my mom has the patience of a saint....my dad was the rager. I still get scared of him sometimes!

this. but he doesn't scare me anymore. he mellowed in old age/ i got tougher skin.

i am more like my mom. but know how to lose it too. i'll blame that one on my dad. but i save it for the dh instead. come to think of it i was never the subject of my dad's anger (only girl w/ 3 brothers) so i think that affected me differently than my brothers.

MelandJeff · August 2009

I was never a yeller when they are/were little, now, with The Teen I have found, more times than I care to say that I have yelled. And even "raged".

I guess I felt that either releasing my inner Joan Crawford in the form of yelling was better than the wire hanger... right? Right?

PLUS, I cant go to jail for yelling. For kicking some Teen ass, well, I could go to jail. Hey wait, jail isnt so bad now that I think about it. 3 hots and a cot, sleeeeeeep and some chic action whenever I want it?

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