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High-Risk Pregnancy
Being High Risk clouds the fact that I am going to have a baby!
Does this make sense to anyone else?? I was looking at early pictures of Ethan and thinking about how his sister may look like him. I started thinking about dressing up my cute baby girl and watching her grow and change every day. I cannot wait to see how Ethan interacts with her and what our crazy new life is going to be like. I am so excited to have this baby girl... but honestly, having these excited thoughts are rare.... isn't that sad??
I have not bought any clothes for Lauren because I am too worried she will come early and nothing will fit or be in the right season... I guess once I get to 34-35 weeks, I can start buying stuff - but it will have to be online since I cannot shop.... Since we are using the gender neutral nursery that Ethan had - we have not spent much time getting a room together for her...
I think I am in really good shape right now... knock on wood - I do not even have the 300mg of protein to give me a mild pre-e diagnosis and my BP has been so good - so I cannot help but feel that I am going to make it at least another month or so... but I also know things can change over night with pre-e..... I just want to fast forward to 34 weeks and then I think I will allow myself to feel excited and really focus on my daughter, instead of worrying every minute about stupid pre-e!!!!
Sorry, that got long....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Being High Risk clouds the fact that I am going to have a baby!
Obviously my situation is not quite like yours, but I know exactly what you mean. I went to the ER at 5 weeks with bleeding and cramping, and after 9 hours and only 10 minutes with a doctor, was told I had a miscarriage (and was given medicine to further the m/c along). I was also told that it might be 2 months before my body was back to normal.
Fast forward two months- no period, still feeling realllyyy sick- I go to the doctor, and am told that I am 15 weeks. Two months in early pregnancy that I could have changed my normal habits, but didn't because I didn't know.
Everyday I feel like I have to worry that lo is still there, still healthy. I have nothing in his nursery, because I can't bear the thought of having to go to the store to take it back if something dreadful were to happen. Everytime I get even remotely excited about his arrival, a wave of fear and panic rush over me. I am afraid that if I get to excited, something bad will happen.
I know that my situation could be much worse, and that lo is quite healthy according to doctors. But I am almost afraid to believe them.
I can completely relate to that. ?The reasons why we are on BR are different, and certainly, you've had the bad end of the stick - but I've also had those feelings of excitement and then caution at not knowing what wrench might be thrown into the mix. ?I found it very difficult to allow myself to celebrate the small victories of making weekly milestones because I was so afraid of what the next day would bring. ?My husband was the one who bought the crib, and all of the stuff in the nursery for our son, including clothes and toys and blankets, etc- because I couldnt allow myself to commit to the fact that we'll have this baby - because I just couldnt take the disappointment had something happened. ?My husband did all of that even at 23 weeks when I was just put on bed rest. ?Now he says that he did it because he didn't want me to think negatively and he wanted me to see that the nursery is ready because we WILL have the baby and it will be ok. ?Now that we've made it this far, I can appreciate what he'd done - but before I was so afraid to allow myself to get excited. ?Only when I reached 34 weeks did I begin actually purchasing baby stuff - clothes, etc. ?
You've reached your initial goal of making it to 27 weeks. ?Then it was 28 and so on, and now you're 30w2d!!! ?You will be at 34 before you know it and girl I can already see the shopping that you'll do for that little girl! ?Since I've been allowed to go out shopping, I've been able to browse and those little girl dresses and shoes and hair accessories are just the darn cutest - even for the newborns!!! ?Girls are so much more fun to dress up than boys. ?I have no doubt that you will get there!?
beastmel04- wow, that is unbelievable that they told you that you had miscarried and you had not. I would feel the same way as you.... it would be so hard not to worry after that. I am glad that you have a healthy baby now though. You will be there before you know it.
Ramella- I think that is incredibly sweet what your husband did. I am sure at the time it was hard to watch and enjoy but it is great that he kept the momentum going.
I feel bad cause I have said more than once that I would like to have Lauren at 37 weeks. I know I should be willing to go to 40 but the idea of being on bed rest that long is too depressing. Obviously when the time comes, I will just deal with it.... I just like thinking that the end is about 6 or so weeks away rather than almost 10....
I know I will have a blast dressing a girl but I have had fun getting clothes for Ethan too... he is looking like such a toddler these days and walking around like such a big man. Boys are more fun to dress than you think... especially the shirts that have fun sayings... he had one at Christmas that said 'Santa is my Homeboy' - boys clothes have come a long way!!!! You will LOVE it!!!
You all have a good weekend!
I didn't allow myself to get excited until I was 34 weeks. Even at 32 weeks when the odds of intact survival hit 90%, I still worried all the time. We still don't know why I had my abruption and my asthma still sucks and my IUGR is still in the 1st percentile, so I get how hard it is to take the little victories as they come. When I was in the hospital at 25w6d bleeding and frightened, I couldn't imagine myself facing an induction in 2 days at 36 weeks. And here I am, facing an induction in 2 days at 36 weeks. My baby may be small, but this LO moves like the dickens and passes all tests with flying colors. You'd think I'd be nuts not to think everything would go fine. But to me, labor is just yet another hurdle. So, I get ya. I'm excited now though. Totally scared, but excited. Crazy.
It not only clouds it for me personally, but my family and co-workers are so freaked out I am constantly being checked up on and worried about.
NO ONE is enjoying my pregnancy... which totally sucks. I feel ya!
Makes sense to me...I hope you make it to 34-35 weeks and get to enjoy some shopping time for your little girl and just the thought of making it as fas as you have.
I know how you feel i just wanted to get past my son's gestional age and then I started to enjoy this pregnancy a little. I have finally brought him a going home outfit and tried to enjoy every kick and movement.
Oh and you are so right it is fun dressing boys as well...
I totally get what you're saying. I spent my first trimester asking the baby not to kill me (promising to do my best to take care of both of us in return...), the second trimester waiting for the other shoe to drop and bedrest to start, and the third trimester watching my blood pressure rise and then laying on my side :-). I ticked off all the big milestones for development - 24 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks, 37 weeks were basically them.
By the time I got to 37 weeks and had had a pre-term labor scare, been on my side for 7 weeks, and scheduled an induction with the option of foregoing it, I figured I owed it to the baby (for, you know, not killing me like I'd asked) to go as long as we could. I'm thankful I went into labor before my due date - especially because I'm sure I wouldn't have been allowed to go past it - but really once I was on bedrest that long (9 weeks for me - you'll go longer!) it seemed like I should just give the baby as much time so that we could be assured of avoiding NICU time, probably have less of a rough delivery (though our delivery was pretty rough anyway), potentially have a better start to breastfeeding (though...um...that was a rough start, too...), etc.
But I also was freaked out about preparedness - having too much if something went horribly wrong or having too little if the baby did end up being early. In terms of shopping and stuff - I have never been into clothes shopping for babies, and we didn't know what we were having anyway. So that wasn't really an issue. But, yeah, sometimes I felt rather doom and gloom....when I should have been puppies and rainbows.
Then again, being on bedrest gives you a lot of extra time to think about that stuff. I think part of the anxiety and worry just came from having the time to think about it. Really, no matter what, you have time to prepare - you can go shopping after the baby is here. That's what we intended to do anyway since, again, we didn't know the sex of the baby until birth.
I was going to ask you.. Thanks!! I hope I can follow your footsteps! Have a great night!