WDYT about my friend?

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

Alrighty now!

I have a friend who's only 20 years old, and she already has 2 children (2, and 1 years old). She found out that she's pregnant again and has decided to give the baby up for adoption (whatever...my opinion doesn't matter...so I'm not gonna get into that).

My problem is, she's about 18 weeks pregnant, and is still smoking!!

She didn't want to get pregnant again (and neither did her husband), but they didn't do anything to prevent it either!

It just drives me insane!

Mrs.tlcS · August 2009

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

ELPB · August 2009

ICK! I don't know what you can do, but if she goes to an adoption agency, she's going to have to disclose that she smokes/smoked. That makes the baby less adoptable and likely to stay in foster care- maybe tell her that?

mooeta · August 2009

I think no matter if she is keeping it or not she should stop smoking. Just because she won't be caring for this child that she shouldn't be doing something so harmful to it. It makes me sick.

madeleines_mommy · August 2009

That's f'ed up. I would def give her a piece of my mind. Sounds like it's best for the baby to go into adoption anyway. I think women who smoke/drugs/drink regularly while PG should be subject to criminal punishment.

Layla116 · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

Ambsies:
Your "friend" sounds immature. That's great that she's considering adoption if she feels that three kids would be too much to handle, the baby will probably have a much better life. But just because she's not going to keep the baby as her own, she still needs to take care of herself for the next 9 months. I think she sounds like an idiot.

I thought so too...I mean there's other stuff that makes her immature as well...but I just can't handle it.

I mean...if I can quit smoking...so can she!

Mrs.tlcS · August 2009

Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!

Um... Oh-kay. She was not using vague generalities. She gave a very specific story about a friend of hers, inviting god-knows-how-many strangers to judge her. I believe it's a shitty thing for a "friend" to do, without regard to what your feelings are on what she's doing.

I have doubts that she is looking for an unbiased opinion, based on the tone and verbiage of her OP. She's looking for validation in being judgy. Congrats on fulfilling that role!

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:
Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!
Um... Oh-kay. She was not using vague generalities. She gave a very specific story about a friend of hers, inviting god-knows-how-many strangers to judge her. I believe it's a shitty thing for a "friend" to do, without regard to what your feelings are on what she's doing.
I have doubts that she is looking for an unbiased opinion, based on the tone and verbiage of her OP. She's looking for validation in being judgy. Congrats on fulfilling that role!

WHOA!

Seriously...other people write specific details about their SIL, BIL, families and friends!

LittleMamaB · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:
I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Uh, yeah. This...completely.

KimberlyJean · August 2009

Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!

Ditto on both points. You didn't give any personal info and we're asking a bunch of strangers for feedback on something that bothers you. No flames necessary.

The girl needs to think about someone other than herself (perhaps mentioning the difficulty of adoption if the child has health issues as a result like a pp said). You need new friends. Sorry.

Mrs.tlcS · August 2009

babyemily:
Mrs.tlcS:
Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!
Um... Oh-kay. She was not using vague generalities. She gave a very specific story about a friend of hers, inviting god-knows-how-many strangers to judge her. I believe it's a shitty thing for a "friend" to do, without regard to what your feelings are on what she's doing.
I have doubts that she is looking for an unbiased opinion, based on the tone and verbiage of her OP. She's looking for validation in being judgy. Congrats on fulfilling that role!
WHOA!
Seriously...other people write specific details about their SIL, BIL, families and friends!

Yep, and unless it's complimentary or asking for advice on how to handle a situation that has arisen with their SIL, BIL, families and friends, I think those posts are trashy, too.

LittleMamaB · August 2009

ELPB:
ICK! I don't know what you can do, but if she goes to an adoption agency, she's going to have to disclose that she smokes/smoked. That makes the baby less adoptable and likely to stay in foster care- maybe tell her that?

Is that factual, or ass-pulling information? Just curious...

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:
babyemily:
Mrs.tlcS:
Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!
Um... Oh-kay. She was not using vague generalities. She gave a very specific story about a friend of hers, inviting god-knows-how-many strangers to judge her. I believe it's a shitty thing for a "friend" to do, without regard to what your feelings are on what she's doing.
I have doubts that she is looking for an unbiased opinion, based on the tone and verbiage of her OP. She's looking for validation in being judgy. Congrats on fulfilling that role!
WHOA!
Seriously...other people write specific details about their SIL, BIL, families and friends!

Yep, and unless it's complimentary or asking for advice on how to handle a situation that has arisen with their SIL, BIL, families and friends, I think those posts are trashy, too.

Oh I'm sorry...I didn't realize I needed to ask what to do about the situation...I thought it was implied!

NaHoku · August 2009

Out of curiosity, did she smoke during her other pregnancies?

LittleMamaB · August 2009

I think it's funny that you act like you're not shittalking your "friend". It's really not a big deal, but if you're going to do it, at the very least own it.

Layla116 · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:
Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!

Um... Oh-kay. She was not using vague generalities. She gave a very specific story about a friend of hers, inviting god-knows-how-many strangers to judge her. I believe it's a shitty thing for a "friend" to do, without regard to what your feelings are on what she's doing.

I have doubts that she is looking for an unbiased opinion, based on the tone and verbiage of her OP. She's looking for validation in being judgy. Congrats on fulfilling that role!

You weren't looking to "validate her for being judgy," yet you're willing to judge her for venting? Pot, meet kettle.

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

NaHoku:
Out of curiosity, did she smoke during her other pregnancies?

I don't know...I didn't know her then (I'm assuming that she did)

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

LittleMamaB:
I think it's funny that you act like you're not shittalking your "friend". It's really not a big deal, but if you're going to do it, at the very least own it.

If its not a big deal in the first place, then why did you even comment? And, I'm NOT ***-talking her...I was in general basically asking what I should say to her. But thanks

Mrs.tlcS · August 2009

babyemily:
Alrighty now! (reads like: Get a load of this shizz!)
I have a friend who's only 20 years old, and she already has 2 children (2, and 1 years old). She found out that she's pregnant again and has decided to give the baby up for adoption (whatever...my opinion doesn't matter...so I'm not gonna get into that). I have a friend who has two kids that she shouldn't have anyway because she's so young! Plus she made a decision that affects her life (not mine), without even bothering to consult me!
My problem is, she's about 18 weeks pregnant, and is still smoking!! OMG, and she's not even a good mother! She's addicted to a drug!!!
She didn't want to get pregnant again (and neither did her husband), but they didn't do anything to prevent it either! Dumb girl doesn't use birth control or keep her legs together... the dummy.
It just drives me insane! Bah! I judge so hard.

Where should I read that you're looking for advice on how to handle the situation?

LittleMamaB · August 2009

babyemily:
LittleMamaB:
I think it's funny that you act like you're not shittalking your "friend". It's really not a big deal, but if you're going to do it, at the very least own it.
If its not a big deal in the first place, then why did you even comment? And, I'm NOT ***-talking her...I was in general basically asking what I should say to her. But thanks

1) Because it's a message board, and posting and replying is kind of what is done here.

2) You keep telling yourself that you aren't shittalking her. Whatever gets you through the day. With friends like you, who needs enemies, right?

3) There is no question regarding "what you should say" in th OP.

Brittni Rimmer · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:
babyemily:
Alrighty now! (reads like: Get a load of this shizz!)
I have a friend who's only 20 years old, and she already has 2 children (2, and 1 years old). She found out that she's pregnant again and has decided to give the baby up for adoption (whatever...my opinion doesn't matter...so I'm not gonna get into that). I have a friend who has two kids that she shouldn't have anyway because she's so young! Plus she made a decision that affects her life (not mine), without even bothering to consult me!
My problem is, she's about 18 weeks pregnant, and is still smoking!! OMG, and she's not even a good mother! She's addicted to a drug!!!
She didn't want to get pregnant again (and neither did her husband), but they didn't do anything to prevent it either! Dumb girl doesn't use birth control or keep her legs together... the dummy.
It just drives me insane! Bah! I judge so hard.
Where should I read that you're looking for advice on how to handle the situation?

You know what...you're entitled to your opinion on what I posted. Now, move along, before someone drops a house on you!

But for the record...I have NO problem with her being a mom of 2 and only being 20!

I DO THINK that she should have been more responsible and used some form of contraception if they didn't want a baby in the first place!

Layla116 · August 2009

Mrs.tlcS:

babyemily:

Alrighty now! (reads like: Get a load of this shizz!)

I have a friend who's only 20 years old, and she already has 2 children (2, and 1 years old). She found out that she's pregnant again and has decided to give the baby up for adoption (whatever...my opinion doesn't matter...so I'm not gonna get into that). I have a friend who has two kids that she shouldn't have anyway because she's so young! Plus she made a decision that affects her life (not mine), without even bothering to consult me!

My problem is, she's about 18 weeks pregnant, and is still smoking!! OMG, and she's not even a good mother! She's addicted to a drug!!!

She didn't want to get pregnant again (and neither did her husband), but they didn't do anything to prevent it either! Dumb girl doesn't use birth control or keep her legs together... the dummy.

It just drives me insane! Bah! I judge so hard.

Where should I read that you're looking for advice on how to handle the situation?

Ok, while I don't agree--that did make me laugh. That's all.

NaHoku · August 2009

Well, to be fair, her question is the title of the post "WDYT about my friend?" I'm guessing that most women (at least most women on this board) know that smoking during pregnancy is not very healthy (as most of us know that smoking in general is not healthy) or smart. I'm guessing your friend knows this, too.

So other than reminding her or asking her "Hey, does your dr. know you're still smoking? Maybe he/she can suggest some things to help you quit," I'm not sure what else you can do.

Mrs.tlcS · August 2009

Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:
Layla116:
Mrs.tlcS:

I think it's silly that you call her a friend, but you air her dirty laundry on a public forum... probably without her permission.

Ok...First, it's not like she used the girl's name or gave any sort of identifying information about her. She was using vague generalities and was asking an unbiased (that's us) opinion. No need to flame here...

Second, just like PPs said, I'd tell her that regardless of whether she's keeping this baby or wanted this baby, it's still her responsibility to take care of it before it's born.

GL!

Um... Oh-kay. She was not using vague generalities. She gave a very specific story about a friend of hers, inviting god-knows-how-many strangers to judge her. I believe it's a shitty thing for a "friend" to do, without regard to what your feelings are on what she's doing.

I have doubts that she is looking for an unbiased opinion, based on the tone and verbiage of her OP. She's looking for validation in being judgy. Congrats on fulfilling that role!

You weren't looking to "validate her for being judgy," yet you're willing to judge her for venting? Pot, meet kettle.

Yes, I'm willing to judge her for venting. By posting here, she opened herself up to judgement. By posting here, she opened up her "friend" to judgement.

Her friend did not post here, so I won't judge the decisions she's made. She's a young mother who has made a choice, is recognizing limitations, and - God forbid - has an addiction that's hard to break.

Thanks for playing, but you have a pot-kettle fail.

LittleMamaB · August 2009

NaHoku:
Well, to be fair, her question is the title of the post "WDYT about my friend?" I'm guessing that most women (at least most women on this board) know that smoking during pregnancy is not very healthy (as most of us know that smoking in general is not healthy) or smart. I'm guessing your friend knows this, too.
So other than reminding her or asking her "Hey, does your dr. know you're still smoking? Maybe he/she can suggest some things to help you quit," I'm not sure what else you can do.

You know what? You're right. So, I'll answer the question.

OP: Your friend needs to find better friends. That's what I think about her. HTH.

jenny1980 · August 2009

Can't help you. I'm not friends with people I don't respect.

ColTim32 · August 2009

My opinion on this is that it's great she is choosing adoption rather than choosing to abort the baby. While it's not ideal that she smokes throughout the pregnancy, I'm sure there are plenty of couples who would gladly adopt a baby even knowing that the mother smoked. Back when we were born, a lot of mother's smoked throughout their pregnancies with no major problems to their babies. I'm not saying I'm condoning smoking while pregnant, I gave it up the minute I knew I was pregnant. I'm just saying it could be a lot worse.

I was adopted as an infant. Back then, adopting couples didn't know hardly any health information about the mother or her family. I have NO family medical history. My birth mother could of smoked while pregnant.

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