Akward shower related dilemma

C12H22O11 · August 2009

DH and I have a close circle of friends. One of the women from this said group of friends offered to throw us a shower (well, it started off as a baby brunch with just the girls, then the husbands got thrown in too). The host has requested that we keep it small - just this circle of friends.

I mentioned to my mother that we were being given a shower. She proceeded to write a big email back asking for the host's name/email so she could help, wanted to know what kind of cake I wanted, etc and has told the rest of my family that I'm having a shower (I got an email from my sister asking when the date was so she could book a flight).

I explained to my mother there will only be ~12 people there and no one from outside this particular circle was invited, but she seemed very hurt. I don't want to flat out tell her that if she wants to coordinate a shower, she can, because this seems kind of rude to me.

WWYD? Insinuate that she can give an additional shower, perhaps in conjunction with another female relative? Wait and see if someone throws us a "big" shower and invite family to that shower?

jennybeams · August 2009

I think you're mom is over-stepping her bounds. This is why people have several showers. Your friend, I'm sure, did not sign on to host a shower for 50 people and would be very upset if her intimate gathering turned into a circus. I would tell your mom that this is a small (and private) event. If she would like to hold a family shower, you'd be happy to attend that one as well.

GreekyPie · August 2009

jennybeams:
I think you're mom is over-stepping her bounds. This is why people have several showers. Your friend, I'm sure, did not sign on to host a shower for 50 people and would be very upset if her intimate gathering turned into a circus. I would tell your mom that this is a small (and private) event. If she would like to hold a family shower, you'd be happy to attend that one as well.

Exactly what I was thinking.

beckys96 · August 2009

I would tell her that this is just a "friends" shower that includes a celebration for your and your DH. I think she is assuming that this is going to be a huge shower when it is not. I would tell her that. I don't know if suggesting a family shower would be ok or not???

hriesen4 · August 2009

jennybeams:
I think you're mom is over-stepping her bounds. This is why people have several showers. Your friend, I'm sure, did not sign on to host a shower for 50 people and would be very upset if her intimate gathering turned into a circus. I would tell your mom that this is a small (and private) event. If she would like to hold a family shower, you'd be happy to attend that one as well.

this!

KimberlyJean · August 2009

jennybeams:
I think you're mom is over-stepping her bounds. This is why people have several showers. Your friend, I'm sure, did not sign on to host a shower for 50 people and would be very upset if her intimate gathering turned into a circus. I would tell your mom that this is a small (and private) event. If she would like to hold a family shower, you'd be happy to attend that one as well.

Yep - it's not rude at all to tell her you'd love if she were kind enough to throw you a shower so your family could take part, but this is a private gathering that someone has graciously offerred to host for you.

kmtfu · August 2009

I think that's awfully nice of your mom to offer to help out and can understand being hurt. From her initial reaction it seems as if she's just excited at the idea of a shower (maybe she feels that as grandma she shouldn't be hosting a shower??) and of course a rejection will hurt. I would simply tell her you'd love another shower with family and more friends but that this particular friend only can afford a smaller shower.

angie212 · August 2009

I would just let your mom know that your friend offered to throw this very small, intimate gathering for your group of friends. Maybe cite reasons such as a small house, limited budget, etc. so it doesn't seem as though you are trying to exclude her. Unless your mom wants to host or co-host a shower, she (unfortunately or not depending on your viewpoint) does not really have a say in the guest list or planning details of any other showers.

ErnieELF8 · August 2009

I don't even know that I would have mentioned it to my mom b/c it doesn't sound like a traditional shower. Just your friends getting together to celebrate before your baby arrives. I would just say that its no big deal, just something small your friends wanted to do, and that if she wants to have a shower for you.... Then great!

As for me, supposedly it was my sister in law who wanted to throw me the shower, but my mom seems to be the one doing all the legwork. But thats ok, b/c she's sooo excited to be doing it!

erin_aaronsbaby · August 2009

jennybeams:
I think you're mom is over-stepping her bounds. This is why people have several showers. Your friend, I'm sure, did not sign on to host a shower for 50 people and would be very upset if her intimate gathering turned into a circus. I would tell your mom that this is a small (and private) event. If she would like to hold a family shower, you'd be happy to attend that one as well.

This exactly. My BFF is throwing a small shower for my girlfriends, and my aunt is throwing another that my mother will be helping with that the family will attend.

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