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2nd Trimester
seanandcallie
member
Will probably get flamed for this...long and controversial
seanandcallie
member
I am having a really hard time today. As many people know a woman in her 22 week has been informed that her daughter has amniotic band syndrome and she and her husband have decided to abort the pregnancy. Here is where I start to have a hard time... I was born with "defects" due to amniotic band syndrome. I was born missing most of my right leg and have no right foot at all. I was born with the fingers on my right hand fused and sharing the bones and veins. I have several other anatomical anomalies caused by this as well.
I have tried to not say anything "flame worthy" but I simply can't hold my toung.
"The baby's legs are starting to amputate in vitro and we will not allow our child to endure that sort of misery and pain. In addition, there is a possiblity that a simular thing could occur to other body parts. I never thought in a million years that we would be faced with such a decision- but we have choosen the compassionate route."
Reading this over and over I have tried to control my rage,but I can't. The compassionate route? Ending this child's life and not giving it a chance? I have done sooooo much research on amniotic band syndrome before and during my pregnancy and the only time I have read or heard of abortion being the recommended course of action is when the bands are around the head or umbilical cord.
Without my leg and foot and with my hand problems, I have played soccer (starting center on my hs soccer team), run track and field (i was in training for the paralympics until I injured my knee in a soccer accident), was a finalist in the Ms.Teen GA Pagaent, was homecoming princess for 3 years, have dated (more than I probably shoud have (: ) and have married a man I love. I am eagerly awaiting February and meeting my own little one, all of this without a leg.
I have met people in my life who have loved me and supported me and helped me grow into the driven, compassionate, loving person I am today. I have friends all over the country who have lost limbs from numerous conditions and I can't imagine any of them would have wanted to miss life if their conditions/syndroms/diseases could have or would have been detected invetro.
I called my mom in tears after reading this post. I can't understand no matter how hard I have tried. My parents always made it clear that I was a "whole" person regardless of my birth "defects". I was never alowd to use them as a reason for not trying something or not doing my best. Of course I worried at times that I would never marry, but people who are physically whole worry about that too. Of course I was teased, never about my leg though, my brothers would have beat the crap out of anyone who did, that is if I didn't reach them first.
I'm crying now as I type this. In pain for the child that will not live and in anger that anyone would think or suggest that someone born without limbs could not have a life worth living.
As I said in my title, I will probably be flamed all over the place for this, but I couldn't not say how I was feeling. I want to scream I am so sad and angry.
I will probably write more in a bit, but I need to take a break and let me eyes rest.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Will probably get flamed for this...long and controversial
Congrats to you for being so strong and for doing all that you have in your life. It's really a great accomplishment!
However, it is Roxy's choice, and not yours. She doesn't need your guilt trip right now.
This.... Your parents made the right choice for them and clearly you have succeeded and done well for yourself. Now let Roxy and her husband make the choice that is right for them.
I couldn't have said it better.
It's a difficult situation and it's not your place to judge.
No flames from me, but I don't think it's fair to judge someone else's very difficult decision even if you've (sorta) been in the same position.
I agree with this post.
You can be an inspiration for someone, yet it is her choice and you should respect that. Her heart has to be breaking but they need to do what's best for HER and people should support her regardless.
Maybe a better way of handling your feelings would have been to send her a PM letting her know what a fantastic and full life you have. No one making the agonizing decision she is, needs to be publicly called out for a choice that is hers and hers alone to make.
I think if you want to be helpful, you should delete or edit the post to simply state the facts and not your opinions, since it's not your decision. The poor girl is going through hell right now and could use your personal experience a lot more than your judgment.
Obviously her post has affected you, and I can see why....but this is really not the place for you to vent this. Can you acknowledge the very difficult choice they are facing, and maybe try not to intensify the profound grief they are experiencing right now?
This is her (and H's) choice to make, and they've made it. It really has nothing to do with you.
I'm sorry you are so badly affected by her story. Everything you have done is fantastic. You can be affected by it and hurt by it, but it's not a comment on your life or your parent's decisions.
But this is not your decision to make or your place to understand. These parents are making a difficult decision to do what they feel is the best possible thing, given their understanding of the situation from the doctors who are treating them.
It needs to be left there.
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
My Blog
This-
I couldnt have said it better if I tried.
No flames, although I do believe with my whole heart that every woman has the right to make that choice on her own.
With that being said, your post made me cry, and I am absolutely positive that you gave every person reading it some things to think about if they are ever faced with such a heart wrenching decision. Sometimes we forget that the human spirit is capable of overcoming even severe "defects", and it is important not to make life changing decisions based on the fear of the unknown. Thank you for sharing your story; I imagine today has been a hard day for you.
Since when is EVERYTHING posted on a chat room not an opinion?
No flames from me, either, this must have been very hard for you to read...
And, for the record, I didn't hear anything judgemental in your post, you are just saying that you don't understand their decision and wanted to share your story and your perspective, as I would imagine anyone in your position would.
We all have a right to our opinions, and on this topic, you definitely have a right to yours...I hope posting brought you a little peace.
I can totally see how hard it was for you to read and understand her post and decision. But she is obviously going through a very hard time with this. It would not be a choice made lightly and I am sure she is making an educated decision. It is possible that all the details of her child's condition were not in the original post.
This- And I honestly dont think this was the best place to vent your feelings.
The original post just made me hope that the couple has all of the information they need to make an informed decision. My understanding is that there are now procedures that can be done as early as 22 weeks to help mitigate some of the defects.
Again, their choice completely, but it would be devastating for them not to have received all the information possible.
I agree with this post. Perhaps the diagnosis that came from the doctor did not put in perspective what would happen if they did chose to continue with the pregnancy. Sometimes when we are pregnant we get so wrapped up in the baby needing to be perfect, we forget how strong human beings can be once they stand on their own. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Ditto.
What is wrong with you people? I've seen this a couple times now here, and it seems SO thoughtless to me. Are you suggesting that roxy does not love her child? The one she is grieving right now?
I know it must have been really difficult to put yourself out there for possible flames.
Whenever someone is faced with a difficult medical decision, it's hard to get hard facts from anyone other than your doctor. I'm glad that you shared your story and are living proof that not all pregnancy risks end in failure. Your life is inspiration for many people that things can, and do, work out.
Even though people write really personal things on these boards, no one can truly understand the full circumstances of anyone's situation. There may have been many other factors (medical, emotional, financial) that this woman and her husband had to consider before making this agonizing choice.
I'm happy for you that your life turned out so well. You are a survivor and that message might be better served if you refrained from public judgement. However, these boards are here for people to express their feelings, fears and emotions, so I can't really fault you for your post.
BTW...I am sick of seeing flames of any sort on this board. There are people on the TTC boards who would do anything to be pregnant and can't. All of us here are blessed with a miracle and that spirit gets lost in catty posts and responses. As mothers we should be better than than.
Well said.
Your parents definitely made a wonderful choice and brought you up well... treating you as any other child and not letting your differences be excuses for not trying something. I imagine that (if your parents knew beforehand of the issues) then they probably had a hard choice to make at the time. They did what was right for them, their family and you at that time and it obviously has turned out well. Any mother who comes to find out about any issues like this has a hard decision to make at that time.
The poster who has chosen to abort her pregnancy surely did not make that choice lightly. I cannot imagine what she is going through but I am sure that she has considered the situation and believes she is making the best decision for herself, her family and her child at this time. No one should fault her for that. I wish her the best as I am sure this is probably one of the toughest decisions she has ever had to make.
This 1000 times over.