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Not that I know it all...

JaysonandKristinJaysonandKristin member
in 2nd Trimester

... but, this is a little ridiculous to me. ?I'm just as apprehensive about teaching a kid to behave strictly to please its parents as I am to instill fear in hopes of gaining respect. ?I'm not an expert, and I don't claim to know any better ways of parenting, but really? ?This is the best we could come up with? ?Teach your child to please you? ?I've read that this method of parenting leads to praise-seeking behavior. ?I think I want to raise my child to please itself within the boundaries of the Golden Rule. ?I don't want a child that constantly checks in with me to make sure that I approve. ?I am a product of this please-the-parents methodology, and I find myself at almost 26, married, home owner with a fantastic job, still turning around to make sure that mommy and daddy are watching. ?I still let them make me feel guilty, even about this pregnancy (I'm a year from a college degree). ?I almost resent them for it (I know, I know... grow up!). ?I don't want my child growing up like this.

?Does anyone interpret this article differently? ?Your thoughts on discipline??

What is your approach to discipline?

Love forgives a multitude of sins, as they say, but a little discipline along with that forgiveness is important too. Permissive parenting says "I will do anything to keep my child from misbehaving," and often these parents resort to unhealthy means such as bribery. If you want your kids to behave, teach them to love and trust you while respecting your wishes. In the long run, inflicting fear in a child isn't as effective as instilling in them a desire to please his parents. So never threaten, blackmail, or manipulate your child in order to get positive behavior from him. Find out why he is misbehaving and deal with the root of the problem, and then love him through it.??

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Re: Not that I know it all...

  • CalifloridaCaliflorida member
    if you're looking for something a little more radical, that completely stresses independence, check out the RIE method by magda gerber.  i read it and don't do all of it, but it is very opposed to what you're talking about.
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  • larsoslarsos

    I definitely don't know it all either, but I do interpret this article a little bit differently. I think they mean that if your children love, respect and look up to you, they will want to please you rather than misbehave. For instance, they will strive to do their best because they want to make you proud, not because they are scared you will be angry if they fail you.

    Not sure if I have it right either -- I see your point. But I think this is more about teaching children how good it feels to please, rather than how bad it feels not to.

    That being said, I could be rambling.

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  • CKLee1107CKLee1107

    I get how you read it, but I can also see a slightly different view...

    I see the 'please parents' as more of a, if my children respect me (because of my beliefs/actions/etc...) they will mimic this or learn these behaviors as right and continue to uphold them.  Example: if you are tolerant of all lifestyles (like your golden rule) then your children will in turn follow your belief in that golden rule and be tolerant/nice to all...I guess I see it more as a lead by example and if you treat your children right and raise them in your morals that they will keep those morals out of love and respect instead of fear and blind faith...

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  • jacobandcrystaljacobandcrystal member

    Children have an innate desire to please.  When our 2nd was born, we found that the best way for our 1st to feel involved and not cast aside was to include him in our daily "baby" tasks.  He would grab a wipe, diaper, or blanket for us and would then beam with pride at what a great job he did and how happy he made us all.  And it's not just us he wants to please, he loves making his little brother happy when he's crying.  He'll run and grab a favorite toy or stuffed animal to make him feel better.  I see him as an incredibly compassionate 3-year-old with a bigger sense of the world than himself.

    I also think that a child out to please his parents is much better than a child with no rules or boundaries as a result of "permissive parenting".

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  • brandifawnbrandifawn
    imageCKLee1107:

    I get how you read it, but I can also see a slightly different view...

    I see the 'please parents' as more of a, if my children respect me (because of my beliefs/actions/etc...) they will mimic this or learn these behaviors as right and continue to uphold them.  Example: if you are tolerant of all lifestyles (like your golden rule) then your children will in turn follow your belief in that golden rule and be tolerant/nice to all...I guess I see it more as a lead by example and if you treat your children right and raise them in your morals that they will keep those morals out of love and respect instead of fear and blind faith...

    This is how i read it as well.  I can also see how you would take it the other way.  I hope that my child will respect me and therefore do things that put God first and follow the laws of our society, and finally are kind and respectful of others.  By leading by example I think is the best way to teach this. 

    Although I have to admit that on the rare occasion I have resorted to bribery (although not on the big things) ie, "If you let me put your pants back on we will get a popsicle."  After my 16 month old has removed said pants, and usually the diaper too if it is velcro instead of snaps for the 10th time of the day.  But, that is also just dealing with the day to days of toddlerhood.

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