could i be...

someflower6 · August 2009

why do people post on the boards, asking if they could be pregnant?

it is something i just don't understand. i mean, if you're a "regular" and you know the girls and you're just posting about impending excitement/anticipation, i can understand that, but if you're just some random stranger saying "hey, my period is two days late and i am naseated and tired and my boobs hurt, do you think i could be pregnant?"

why? why. why. why.

i lurk over on BOTB and GP and i see these posts and i laugh, and i think JUST POAS or if that's not cutting it-- go to a dr. get blood work done. don't ask a bunch of strangers for answers they can't give you anyway.

so why is it that women come and post here asking if they're having a mc? how the hell are we supposed to know? i can *kinda* understand looking for similar symptoms and experiences, but i'm sure we can all attest to the fact that no two losses are the same. they're all a bit different. some women had major symptoms, some had none. some women had symptoms, than an ultrasound that showed everything was ok but later mc'ed, some didn't.

i just don't understand the point of these posts. if the woman is going to miscarry-- how the heck do i know? what can i say-- "yeah, sounds like a miscarriage to me!"? i don't mean to be curt or cold or uncompassionate. it breaks my heart to think about anyone having a potential loss. but just GO TO THE DOCTOR. find out if something is wrong. and if something is wrong, we'll be here.

but i know. these posts are going to happen, no matter what. what really annoys me is the attitude over getting any "snippy" responses to these posts ("don't ask us, ask a doctor."). are you kidding me? do you see the responses on the other boards if someone asks the question "do you think i may be pregnant?" FLAMED. i think the women on this board are honest in their responses, and i think that is something to be thankful for.

so i want to say you shouldn't post here asking questions we can't answer, but i've learned that that is a ridiculous request, so i'll just say-- if you're going to post here asking questions that we can't answer, don't assume we're going to be all sugary sweet and soothing. and if you can't deal with that then-- don't ask!

the end. for now.

AmieVan · August 2009

word.

DereKim · August 2009

because they're retarded Super Angry

3ltlones · August 2009

agreed. I do feel bad that they are even thinking that, but to be honest I'm not sure how their minds go there. I remember being pregnant the first time and I never ever thought that there would be a chance of miscarriage, probably because I didn't go and read on miscarriage boards.

JamieFL · August 2009

It won't ever stop because there will always be the person who doesn't lurk and then gets flamed (rightfully so). I didn't post my BFP on any of those boards because I didn't know if I was regular enough to do so . Since I'm 35, I find more mature responses on the TTC 35+ and there are more posts TTC -related, which you don't see too much of on GP anymore.

Also, why ask internet strangers if you are PG? I don't know about you all but I have a stock of HPT's in my cabinet and would be POAS immediately whether I charted or not. Some symptoms can be pyschosomatic anyway so why wouldn't they go out and just buy a pg test?! Always stumps me. Oh well, at least it will entertain us.

Eviebee · August 2009

I guess ppl will always post these, I will always just respond with "POAS" or "Call your doctor."

someflower6 · August 2009

3ltlones:
agreed. I do feel bad that they are even thinking that, but to be honest I'm not sure how their minds go there. I remember being pregnant the first time and I never ever thought that there would be a chance of miscarriage, probably because I didn't go and read on miscarriage boards.

in all fairness, i was a fricking hot mess when i was pregnant-- i was completely paranoid of these "missed abortions" i read about in my pregnancy books. i was so freaked out, in fact, that i posted on first tri about this fear, and subsequently got flamed for using the word "abortion" (although, unfortunately, i think we can all attest to the unpleasant fact that that is what the doctors and the bills refer to it as). but i never ever would think of posting my fears on this board. not even when i started spotting. to me, this board was for women who had BEEN THROUGH it... not for silly preganant woman fears. and honestly... i was in no hurry to join this group.

others... i don't know. sometimes i think they see us as a resource that they can bounce their fears off of... and when they find out (from a DOCTOR) that everything really is fine, they can completely ignore us again and go back to play with the other pregnant women on the tri boards.

sigh. perhaps i should check off "irritability" on my chart for today!

someflower6 · August 2009

JamieFL:

It won't ever stop because there will always be the person who doesn't lurk and then gets flamed (rightfully so).

but of course, no one really gets flamed here... yes, sometimes they may get a "snippy" response, but compared to the flames of any other board, this board is by far the most tolerant. and sometimes that annoys me because i really DO want to flame the person who asks "gee, i keep getting a BFN on a pregnany test and i got my period but the other day my boobs were sore, so do you think i could be pregnant, and if so, am i going to miscarry?" WTF.

JamieFL · August 2009

someflower6:
JamieFL:

It won't ever stop because there will always be the person who doesn't lurk and then gets flamed (rightfully so).

but of course, no one really gets flamed here... yes, sometimes they may get a "snippy" response, but compared to the flames of any other board, this board is by far the most tolerant. and sometimes that annoys me because i really DO want to flame the person who asks "gee, i keep getting a BFN on a pregnany test and i got my period but the other day my boobs were sore, so do you think i could be pregnant, and if so, am i going to miscarry?" WTF.

I didn't mean this board...more like GP for the flaming. This board has been so helpful to me and I honestly wouldn't have thought to visit it until someone suggested it to me on +35. It took me a few days to comprehend what was happening and then I realized that I needed to post here.

I will rec this board to anyone in need in the future. This board offers tremendous support!

Swede25 · August 2009

Here, here! It also drives me nuts when I lurk over on 1st tri and people say spotting is normal or if you aren't spotting everything is fine. Um, I didn't spot at all with this most recent loss. I feel like posting and telling them that, but then I would feel like a total biatch.

lax15bsu · August 2009

amen sista

candycane3t · August 2009

someflower6 - I LOVE what you have said in this thread, you are absolutely 100% on the same page as me and I am pretty sure most of us on here.

I think you should post this every so often OR allow yourself to be snippy with those that are retarded and post stupid sh!t..... I will have your back completely on those that deserve the flaming. I remember not that long ago replying to someone and someone else on this board defended the person but oh well whatever, don't ask stupid sh!t to people that have gone through the pain of a lost little one or in many cases, mine included multiple loses.

I agree that we should be here for those that have been confirmed by a doctor of their m/c and will be here to listen to their fear/grief and anger.

someflower6 - I am sending you extra hugs today for your strong post.

Tapsalteerie · August 2009

Agree completely. I've stated in the past that I don't understand the rush to diagnose yourself as having a miscarriage when you haven't even gone through proper medical procedures to come to that conclusion.

Like you said, everyone's loss is different. Just because one person experienced certain symptoms and lost their pregnancy, does not mean that others will share the same fate. It happens to all different types of people at different stages. I realize the need to try to find some sort of pattern or correlation when you are in fear, but it simply does not exist.

Cow-girl · August 2009

Well said.. so eloquent... Straight and to the point. I bothers me when those posters come here saying. "Im spotting, or my period is two days late and now Im bleeding heavy do you think Im having a m/c" Give me a break. We are not doctors here, we are girls who have been thru a REAL loss not a made up or possible loss.

Thank you for posting this and I think you should post this once a week!!!!!!!!!!