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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Mrs.Bible
member
Because I see it coming...
Mrs.Bible
member
just to S/O the previous post from Stellar...in regards to the spanking....
Here is the deal...this is how it works in my household when I was a child and how it works in my household for my stepchildren - I am not saying this is how you should do it - but I am saying this...
I think when the kids were about 4ish is when we would swat their bottoms - basically at that age they knew right from wrong...and they knew about consequences - therefore a swat was intituted when they crossed the line. I want to say by the time they were 5 - we didnt have to do swats anymore.
I can literally stop my children in there tracks with a look...just one "have you lost your mind" look from me will have my children all of them (except for Katie) stop and straighten up. I dont care if I am across the room - on the phone - if they are in the choir stand at church and I catch their eye...they will stop whatever they are doing because they know...I am not playing with them.
I have not given a spanking to my girls - 9, 11, since they were all about 5 years of age. I hear my 17 year old step daughter say to her friends all the time...I cant do that...have you not met my parents....lol...I take this as a compliment....
I say all of this to say - when I say I will spank/swat my child...I say I will do it out of love and explain the reasons why...I also say it to tell you just because you do it - doesnt mean you will be doing it all of there life. A swat here and there does not ruin self esteem when done right. This is my experiences, this has worked in my family, and many other families for years.
I am not saying this is the only thing that will work - but I am saying it works for me.
Now....as one of the the fantastic 4 would say....FLAME ON...lol...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Because I see it coming...
LOL - no its not my job but if I have an understanding with my husband and my step childrens' mother..then yes it is my job.
Believe me we work as a unit where the girls are concerned...there is nothing I do with my step children that their mother doesnt know about...and that we have not discussed...etc.
How is it not her job? She is raising them. It is obviously working. Plus we don't know her life story. She might be their step mom, but she could be their only mom.
This statement makes no sense to me....
I was spanked when I was young. Therefore, I was afraid of my parents. This is what many kids lack today- respect and fear of their parents.
Sounds to me like you did a good job with helping to raise your step-children. I would also take your step-daughter's comment as a compliment!
Is this a joke??
Ok, as long as the mom knows. I'm a stepmom too, so I was just curious.
I am not their only mother but they stay in my home the majority of the time. In me and my husband house we have rules...they know the rules...they understand them - the rules in our home is the same rules in there mother and step fathers home...we make sure of it...so that there is no confusion....
So it is my job to enforce the rules and get this - if they get put on punishiment for say missing a curfew...they cant go to their mom's house and suddenly find themself off of curfew...nope - my curfew is enforced at their mother's house and vice versa.
Like I said we work as a unit...because you know (especially if you have step children) they will play both sides against each other if they could.
I'm a stepmom, too, but I don't discipline my stepson. That's his mother and father's job. I make sure he follows rules, but don't dole out the punishments because that's not my role.
As long as the mom is aware what she's doing, that's cool.
I remember the feeling of fearing my parents. I DO NOT want my DS to have that fear of me. He can respect me without being afraid of me.
Nope we have a great 2 way parenting system...the girls will tell you they have 2 moms and 2 dads...lol...usually when we do stuff as a "group" we get introduced as this is my mom...and my other mom...LOL...
We don't spank, but if we did, I wouldn't spank my ss. I wouldn't want a woman who married my kid's father to be the one spanking. That kind of punishment I think should be left up to the parents. JMO for how it works in our house.
I have to disgaree with this. Step parents can be a huge influence in a child's life. My sister has a 5 year old step son, and he spends a great deal of time in her home, more than with his bio mom. She has just as much of a role in rasing him, and raising him well. In cases of step families, i really feel all parents involved need to be on the same page with discipline, and that the children need to understand that they have to listen to and respect all their parents equally...regardless of if they are bio or step parents
That's the best way to have it. I didn't mean to come off so harsh in my post. Spanking is severe to me, so it tends to get my hairs up.
Well, when I say afraid, I mean that I was afraid to do something that I KNEW would get me in trouble!
Oh, believe me, I'm strict with my ss. I just don't the major forms of discipline... in our house we don't spank, so that would be groundings/taking things away, etc. I leave that for his dad and mom since they are his parents.
let me preface this with saying i am not a crunchy mother.
my child will never fear me. ever. and the line of reasoning about why our youth is blablabla absolutely terrifies me. you do not need to scare your child into respecting you!!!
W.T.F. ?
9/24/2011 Plymouth Firefighters 5k: 47:13
11/12/2011 Diva Dash 5k: 45:45
5/5/2012 STEM school 5k TBD Coming up in 2012:
6/10/2012 Walk to Remember SIDS foundation 5k
(in memory of a sweet baby boy)
11/10/2012 Diva Dash 5k
THIS.
TY.
I grew up in a house where my step sisters were in and out every other week (one week at our house, one week at their moms) there was a complete and total breakdown between the 2 houses about everything. Their mom was their friend and did not enforce the rules that my parents had at our house, therefore when the tough got going they ran to their moms.
I stand by my belief that these actions are the reason they both have had a hard time as adults and made some horrid decisions.
If (god forbid) H and I were ever to break up I would want both of us to have the same rules at each house for the child sake, regardless of what our feelings about each other were when it comes to our kids there should be no question about how they are raised. I would also hope that our spouses if we were to get remarried would follow suit and parent them the same way.
My kids arent scared of me...there is a difference in what you are describing...my kids are respectful and understand - that there is a time and a place for everything.
Sorry Echo, but this is backpedalling. You said flat out it wasn't her job. Not that you were curious. I also think it's odd that you think it's "not your role" to discipline your step-children. I guess to each their own.
THIS 100%
There are ways to have your children act responsibly and be well behaved without having to scare the crap out of them.
For people that agree with the bolded portion, I have to wonder where is the line? At what point are children allowed to be free thinkers and disagree with their parents without fear of being whacked into next Tuesday?
Seriously? She is there Mother when they are in her house. Not weekend guests.
Not back peddling. I didn't think that a mom would let a step mom spank their kid (we see it as hitting, so to me it's a huge thing), but if the mom is ok, than it's cool.
It's not odd to reserve the major forms of punishment for the bio parents. It's often times recommended to keep the kids from resenting a new person in the house acting like Mom or Dad # 1. Not saying everyone has to act this way. Just what works in our house.
I hate this mentality. It is the same type of response you get when you are having IL issues. "Well, it is DH's mother, HE should be the one to tell her how you feel...it is not your place to express your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs to her" Ugh
Ok :-)
This is what i don't understand about how some spank:
When parents say "I always take the time to explain why they are getting spanked" I am VERY confused. If you are going to take the time out to explain the situation and what they did wrong, what benefit is the spanking? Is it to say, "this is what you did wrong, and now I am going to hurt you so you know it isn't right." Why is the physical punishment necessary?
Again, I see spanking as a violent act, so I think it should be reserved for a bio parent. But if the bio mom is ok, then cool.
Well if you KNEW it would get you in trouble why would you do it?
See I dont understand this statement because yes I want my children to be afraid of doing something they blantantly know will get them into trouble. I want my children to think twice, and weigh the options....do I want to get my butt swat or not?
But like I said as teen agers and pre-teens we dont have this problem. My children will tell their friends quickly - nope I dont want to get in trouble. I have never had to run behind my children to see if they are doing right or wrong. We dont have arguments about their grades...back talking...nothing like that...
Not to say they are perfect - we are currently having a curfew issue with my 17 year old...its just when stuff happens - my daughter will just come to us and say okay I know I missed curfew - whats it going to be....she KNEW she was wrong - she knows she owes us something...simple as that....
That's a little out there, don't you think? I was spanked, not often, but when I needed it. And I have grown into a very strong, healthy person. I would never think it was okay to slap my parents when I disagree with them now. That's just ignorance. My parents used all sorts of methods to discipline us, with spanking not being the automatic first, and it taught us to respect them as the authority figures they were.
Spanking is not a sin so long as it is not taken to the extreme and is used appropriately.
LOL...this post made me think of the parent who hits their kid for hitting their little brother....all the while yelling about how wrong it is to hit someone smaller than you!
LOL - yep
It's an attention-getter and an introduction to consequences.
Thanks!