Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

snuggles up to the board.

someflower6someflower6 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

i'm feeling down tonight.

it's not an "anniversary." it's not anywhere near my edd. today has absolutely no specific significance in regards to my miscarriage. i don't even know how far along i'd be, i made myself stop counting. somewhere around 20 weeks, i supposed.

i just miss my little one.

we had some good times together. i knew peanut briefly, but it was enough to form that bond. that first pregnancy. that first love.

in many ways, i feel i've moved on and have come to some kind of peace with the loss. i'm looking forward to ttc. i'm looking forward to being pregnant again.

but that doesn't mean i don't miss my peanut. it doesn't mean that looking forward to the future means i don't think about my past. it's not nearly as raw and gut wrenching as it was months ago. but it's this dull, sad, ache. and in some ways, i wonder if it's worse, because i know this kind os ache will never go away.

so i know that seemed like a debbie downer post, but i don't want it to be like that. i really am happy with my life. i really am so thankful for my wonderful husband, my supportive family-- and just the opprotunity to know peanut for as long as i did. and i really am excited about my future. even though i'm sad tonight, i'm not going to let this ruin me. i'm not going to feel guilty over feeling down, or try to justify that sadness, or even try to "snap out of it". this is part of a life long prognosis... i know i'll have these blues from time to time, and to say otherwise would be a lie. but i also know i can live a beautiful life, the life i deserve-- even if it is different than the one i thought it would be.

wishing you all well tonight.

Report Reply to Post

Re: snuggles up to the board.

  • jumagirljumagirl

    Thank you for that.  You write so beautifully and often capture exactly what I'm feeling.  I feel like what you've written most nights lately, but today is a little rougher for some reason.  I try not to let myself think about how far I'd be - around 25/26 weeks I think.  My EDD was 11/10. 

    (((hugs))) to you tonight, and cheers to this beautiful life that we get to lead (and someday share with our children).   

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • DavezWifeDavezWife member
    you're always there for everyone else.... just go ahead and be sad. we're there for you ;-(
    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
    Report Reply
  • superlupersuperluper

    I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I'm having one too. I really loved what you said about your first pregnancy being like a first love. It's so true, I just can't describe how much my loss hurts and it's that special kind of love and pain reserved for first loves and first babies. 

    ((hugs)) 

    oh please. not KU. effed up.
    Report Reply
  • vkbaby09vkbaby09
    I'm sorry you're having one of those nights - I had one yesterday and had a much brighter day today.  You are so right when you said that "this is part of a life long prognosis."  We just have to learn to live with our grief and accept it and all that it gives us.  Sometimes it gives us sadness, but sometimes it gives us a better appreciation for what we do have and will have.  Take care, and I hope that you too have a brighter day tomorrow.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"