Babyshower- Should I Go..WDYD?

2006july15bride · August 2009

I got an invite in the mail yesterday for a shower for DH's cousin's wife. She's a lovely girl...I have a lot of fun with her, but I don't feel like I can handle another shower. The last 2 I went to were brutal. When I went for a friend people kept asking if I had a baby and they all kept sharing their birthing stories. Then there was 1 at work and my principal was going on about how everyone is having babies. I snuck out when everyone started mingling and worked in my classroom while fighting back tears.

The expectant parents this time started trying after DH and I. Now, typical story, they are almost there and we don't have so much as a zygote. I just know that if I go and put on a happy face it will still cost me a week of solid depression at least. What should I do? What do you all do?

lnle · August 2009

Ick. at this stage in the game, unless it is a really close friend, I would send your regrets and a nice gift and just say that you have a prior commitment on that day. (hugs))

Me&Mr.T · August 2009

Do they know about your IF? If so I would explain that it will be hard for you and that you are happy for her but don't feel like you are up to it and then give her a gift. If you really don't feel like you can go and she doesn't know about IF then I would say you have another obligation that day and send a gift.

MoFree · August 2009

If the woman is not a really close friend or family member then I probably would decline. It's perfectly OK to take care of yoruself first and she and her guests will still have a wonderful time. The way I see it, it's just not worth a week of solid depression. Is it possible to have a last minute migraine?

I'm so sorry that IF impacts our lives in so many negative ways.

AuburnBride06 · August 2009

I wouldn't go. Not for my DH's cousins wife. Now, maybe if it were his sister or your sister, maybe then consider it. But no, I don't think it would be worth it.

2006july15bride · August 2009

They know about our IF. So I feel like I would have to be honest. They would see through an excuse.

MrsWood1228 · August 2009

2006july15bride:

I just know that if I go and put on a happy face it will still cost me a week of solid depression at least. What should I do? What do you all do?

If it's going to be like that... then don't go.

I have one coming up this month (for a coworker) that's just 4 days after my beta and another in October (DH's high school friend) that I went out of my way to make sure she knew I wanted to go. For me - it just doesn't make me feel any better when I'm clustered up in the house not living my life. I mean, the day the shower comes you're going to be thinking about it regardless - whether you go or not. I just take the opportunity to share in someone else's happiness and socialize plus it gives me an excuse to shop for baby things. I'm not saying my feelings toward IF aren't going to make a cameo on those days.... I'm just saying the pros outweigh the cons. In the end, you have to do what's right for you.

Good luck.

XXXXX222 · August 2009

How do you think she'd react? Would she be upset? I'd go, but only because we're close with all our family. But if you're not very close, then don't go. And don't feel bad about the excuse, even if you think she will get it.

orthomom · August 2009

This is always a hard situation. I have been TTC since 2/08 and have been to three baby showers since then. I even hosted my best friend's shower less than 3 weeks after my first miscarriage. I have a daughter who is 4 so my situation is a little different, but I would say just do what you feel comfortable with. It is depressing to go to a shower when you are desperately trying to have your own child, but if you are optimistic that some day you will have one I say go. If you are pessimistic about it then stay home. It all depends on your mood. When you finally have your own child (whether through infertility treatments or if you decided to adopt) you can look back on those parties as a fun time with your friends.

Be at peace with whatever you decide. Your mental health is important, too.

2006july15bride · August 2009

I guess it is ok and normal to not want to participate. I'll discuss it with DH and do what's best for me. Thanks girls.

SunMoon&Stars · August 2009

I haven't been to any of the three baby showers to which I've been invited since my IF was diagnosed almost two years ago. The moms-to-be all knew about the IF, and one of them had 2 mc's before her successful pregnancy, so they all understood.

Nobody asked for an explanation of why I declined, which personally I think is common sense. Since the mom-to-be knows about your IF, you shouldn't have to come up with an excuse.

yodasmistress · August 2009

I would not. I bailed on one of my lifelong friend's shower's this spring because I couldn't handle it. Granted I was literally in the process of m/c RIGHT THEN, but still. She knows about our situation and said she totally understood. I bet if your DH's cousin's wife knew your situation she would understand too.

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