friend with a loss... Advice on how to help

kelfeen · August 2009

I am so sorry for all of your loss

I unfortunately had a friend who had a miscarriage over the weekend. She was 3 months and DH is best friend's with the husband. I've never been in a situation like this and wanted to ask you guys if you had any ideas about what to maybe do now and in the upcoming weeks to help. The best we could come up with was to bring food, mow the yard, just be there, a support book?

I appreciate any advice/suggestions. Thank you

DereKim · August 2009

see q&a above...pregnancy loss

Tapsalteerie · August 2009

What you suggested are all wonderful things that you can do for them. However, among the most important, keep in contact with her. Don't think that just because time has passed that the pain of her loss will go away. Let her know that you are still thinking about her even weeks from now.

AmieVan · August 2009

It's very sweet that you want to be so helpful. Your friend is very lucky you would go to such great lengths to help her out. A funny movie helps, so ask her if she'd like to go out with you. Tell her you want to help and that you won't be offended when she just wants to be left alone and tells you so. Hope this helps

kelfeen · August 2009

I lost my little brother in a horrible car accident a few years back. so i know the pain of losing someone more than i care to. However, each loss is unique. I know that i felt very alone in it all - and no one understands - and for me - people tended to shy away instead of running towards me with support. For me, that just added to the pain (still does) But not everyone is like me.. so i thought I should get some answers from those of you that are experiencing this right now.

monica92603 · August 2009

kelfeen:
I lost my little brother in a horrible car accident a few years back. so i know the pain of losing someone more than i care to. However, each loss is unique. I know that i felt very alone in it all - and no one understands - and for me - people tended to shy away instead of running towards me with support. For me, that just added to the pain (still does) But not everyone is like me.. so i thought I should get some answers from those of you that are experiencing this right now.

First I am so sorry about your brother, and you are right...every loss is different.

While I appreciated all of the flowers, baskets, txts, FB messages, I think we appreciated the food the most. It was nice to know I didn't even have to think about it, it was there.

Also, for us, sometimes the best thing someone could do is nothing at all. We have huge families and tons of awesome friends. It's very overwhelming when they all feel the HAVE to do something and when we say we just really want to be alone to take care of each other, they ALL think "oh! they don't mean me. I'm special" Just let her know you continue to think of her and are there if she needs you but don't be offended if she doesn't take you up on it right now.

Tash13 · August 2009

I think the fact that you want to help and be supportive is a huge deal and you're a great friend for it. Honestly, the biggest thing i wanted from my friends and family was just the acknowledgement of my loss and the comfort of knowing I wasn't going through it alone. I just needed a big hug and somebody to ask me to go and get a pedicure or something so I wasn't sitting on the couch wallowing in it but everybody is different. Just let her know you're there.

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