Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
iris427
member
Re: Should prisoners have to give birth in shackles?
Barbaric and completely unnecessary.
I remember being in my induced labour with Evan, and there is no way in hell I could outrun ANYONE, least of all two trained guards.
That would be so awful. Ugh.
Okay, my first thought was, no shackles needed if they have an epidural!
But no- it's not like someone is going to make a run for it during labor.
Don't even get me started. This is what I wanted to be the focus of my PhD, birth experiences of imprisoned women.
Its shameful.
That is horrifying. I think that in her case, she should not have been shackled. How absolutely barbaric of our system to require this of incarcerated women, especially for something as minor as prostitution. I can understand if the woman is a danger to everyone around her, but really? You have to shackle a prostitute?
There is no way in hell that I would have been able to outrun someone or run at all, frankly. I had terrible back labor and could hardly get out of bed to pee.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
There's something called the doula project where doulas are paired with prisoners for their birth and apparently its been quite successful in helping women through the ordeal.
As far as I am aware women in Canada are no longer shackled. However, I believe there are differentw ays we oppress these women.
Shackling anyone, especially those with mental health issues is barbaric during labour and indicative of a pathetic system which imprisons women for being prostitutes but who set up "john schools" for men who exploit them.
This exactly.
Barbaric, dehumanizing, disgusting. I can't think of any more adjectives.
While I agree with Lanie, there has to be much precaution taken during labor to make sure these woman are not a threat to the health professionals assisting them.
JM took the words outta my mouth...
Barbaric is the perfect word. That is just cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me.
Where is the article you were reading?
I do agree with ABM that there have to be some precautions taken. However, while I don't have exact statistics, I'd be willing to bet that an overwhelming majority of incarcerated women are not there for violent crimes and have no history of violence.
I am on a Mac and can't figure out how to make it clicky. ? Today's editorial, and a great article the NYT ran on this subject a few years ago:
https://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/21/opinion/21tue4.html?ref=opinion
?https://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/02/national/02shackles.html?fta=y
Ha ha! So true! I think it's ridiculous! I mean, where the hell is she gonna go? Seriously?!
I agree with you if there is violence or mental illness, but otherwise- WHY?
this freaks me the f out!
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That was to whoever has the baby faced kitten as their siggy.?
You weren't shackled to a bed involuntarily with guards surrounding you. Quite different, I'd assume.
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Right, but its not like being shackled is going to prevent her from giving birth.?
Missing the point eleventy billion percent.?
Uh, that was not the point. Yes, you CAN give birth while shackled to a bed, but is demeaning, barbaric and all around a disgusting practice. You were not pinned to a bed against your will.
I'm feeling "meh" about this one.
You broke the law. Your "ideal" birth is no longer a priority, in my eyes.
Also, I think shackling them is far safer for mother and baby than not and then having to chase down and overpower a laboring woman....you'd think she wouldn't try to escape but if she's in prison she obviously doesn't have the most logical thought process out there...
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No, I got the point. I think that they are in jail for a reason, and while it sucks to have to give birth shackled you CAN do it. If that is one of the penalties of being in jail then maybe she shouldn't have done whatever it is that she did to be in jail AND pregnant in the first place.?
Oppress? They're convicted criminals! Prison is supposed to be oppressive. Its not Day Camp for those that made an Oopsie.
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this is what im saying..?
LOL no one is talking about ideal births and it's funny to me that some of you miss that point. ?It's medically worse for the mother and child to be shackled, for reasons I listed in my OP. ?When you commit a crime in the US, you are still entitled to the same medical treatment as anyone else. ?The state cannot put you at medical risk just because you broke a law.
There are times in childbirth where every minute counts. ?In an emergency c/s, taking the time to remove shackles can make the difference between life and death. ?There are times in childbirth where freedom of movement can be life-saving (for example, shoulder dystocia and similar situations). ?
It's not about prisoners having a wonderful and peaceful delivery. ?It's about basic human rights, for mother and child, that aren't negated just because she committed a crime. ?If you can't muster up any sympathy for the mother, at least consider the welfare of the child being born.?
Many women are in prison for things that are absurd. Absurd. Being in prison for prostitution is absurd.
You rarely get time for beating your wife with a steel bar.
And I think you both are missing the point completely.
Also, women are raped a lot in prison by the people who guard them. That's just a fact. That ther esult would be a bound birth is disgusting and indicative of an absurd society.
The policy in our hospital is to shackle prisoners 100% of the time, whether you are giving birth, having chemotherapy, or having a heart attack. The hosptial is liable for protecting that patient as well as all of the other patients in the hospital. There might be other ways, but as far as shackling some people and not others, I think that idea is kind of ridiculous. Who would make that decision? The doc? The prison guards? The hospital should employ someone specifically for that? What are the criteria? How would that practically work? What do you think that consequences would be if that person was wrong?
I bet your paper is going to be really great.
Any number of you could become more threatening risks to health care professionals during labour than a prostitute.
If the woman is a cannibal and known to chop doctors up with scissors then I believe armed guards wouldn't be a bad idea.
But lets face it, most of the women doing time are there for reasons men would never be doing time for.