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2nd Trimester
A petty rant... (long)
So my DH and I along with my SIL and BIL went out to dinner for my ILs on Friday night. At dinner my SIL tells us that she is PG and due in March (I'm due in December).
Part of me is very excited that our LO is going to have a cousin so close to his age to have as playmate and I hope that she'll have an easy and stress-free pregnancy. Yet another part of me (...I think bigger part) is resentful that they did this. Ever since my DH and I first met, it feels like it has been a competition between us and not even a competition that we want to be in. We got engaged and a few weeks later they got engaged; we set our wedding date and we asked them a wait to set their wedding date until the following year. They ended up having their wedding 6 months after us. Now we're PG and they do this again. I don't understand what their rush is about - they are younger than us, my BIL works crazy hours and is never home, they just got a puppy. So why do this now?
I just wanted this time to be about my DH and me and our LO. I don't want to hear comments from all the relatives if I'm excited that my SIL is having a baby so close to our LO. I already heard it all at our wedding. I just want this to stop. I feel like no matter what we're going to do for our child as he gets older, they're going to one-up us.
I don't wish her anything bad, I'm just annoyed and irritated. Grrr.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A petty rant... (long)
Did you ever stop to think that maybe they didn't plan this? Or, it could be possible that they were trying before yall even got pregnant and it finally worked out for them?
I think that some of this is very egotistical of you. I see the coincidences and I understand that it may seem like they are trying to "copy" you, but in this situtation maybe it's just how it worked out.
I understand how annoying it is when people think things in life are a competition. I hate that. So I can understand that you are frusterated. But I don't think you can ask someone to set their wedding date according to your request.... It is still THEIR wedding, not yours. 6 months later is not a big deal, it's not like it was the same day as yours, or the next week. Try to just enjoy your pregnancy & be happy for them. Although it may seem that they got pregnant because you did, it may have nothing to do with you. It could've been according to their plans, they could've been trying for a while or it could've been an accident. You can't expect people's life changing decisions to be something that they ask other people's opinions on. Focus on your pregnancy and enjoy it!
I can see that you are frustrated but I honestly don't think they have done anything out of line.
I don't feel you can expect someone to wait until a year after your wedding to hold theirs...... You get a day and she gets a day. If she had held her wedding the same weekend as yours, you def'n could have been annoyed but they waited until 6 months after yours.
I also think TTC is a personal choice. I doubt they started to TTC just because you got a +hpt !
My DH and I are super excited for their baby - the more babies, the merrier
It's just hard for me to understand their mentality. My DH and his sister were raised to be competitive with each other so I guess it shouldn't be at all suprising that it still carries over to their lives.
In the end, I don't really care because nothing can top having a baby. ...unless you are having two
I can understand. The first baby is a big deal and the entire focus was on you and DH/your baby and now you have to share it with them. Maybe it wasn't planned like PP said, but if it was, that's kind of crappy. If it were me, I'd wait at least until the baby was almost born to get pregnant.
My advice is to just be thrilled that you are pregnant, live your life and don't worry about them. Because if it's on purpose they probably do want to get a rise out of you. If you act like it doesn't bother you, they won't "win".
Oh I understand sibling rivalry - My brother who is two years older then me let us know that they were going to start TTC in July. I would love to have cousins so close in age. While we competed growing up, where we were excepted to school, our salaries, our first house etc. There is no competition here - just good positive thoughts. This doesn't mean I can't kid him. He's JGH V and my DH and I joked that if we have a boy we were going to steal his name and name our little one JGH VI. Now my SIL knows how competitive we are (I love her) and for a moment thought we were serious. So trust me when I say this has nothing to do with competition!
That's pretty ballsy that you asked someone to wait to set their wedding date so it would be better for you.
I hope you change your mind and put this behind you, because this is really petty. It will be great for the cousins to be close in age.
Wow . . . why on earth would they have waited a year to set their wedding date just because you wanted them to? Sounds like your a bit of a prima donna . . . get over it.
Babies are a blessing. I don't know if you realized it, but most of the women on these boards are pregnant as well. Should we have all waited until you had given birth before we got pregnant ourselves?
Get over yourself . . . sounds like your the one with the issue, not them.
And p.s. If my brother had wanted to get married the SAME DAY as I did, I would have been overjoyed. Heck, if he wanted to have a baby right now I would do backflips. You need to learn how to be a better family member . . . drop the selfishness.
I have no (nice) words for this post. You sound like a selfish, spoiled brat.
Ever stop to think that they don't plan their lives around you? That this may just be the stage of life they are at, too?
I can maybe see being a bit frustrated, but in the long run it'll be so great to have cousins close in age. And she is due 3 months after you, so you still have 3 months for everyone to dote on your baby....which sounds like what you want. Besides, once you have a family, you should just focus on the 3 of you--not everyone else. You will be your own little family unit, and that's all that matters.
I just can't really believe you asked them to get married the year after you did. I can see getting married the next weekend or month being a little bratty of them, but seriously? Again, just worry about the little family you are creating.
this exactly.
?
You honestly sound crazy. Asking them to postpone their wedding plans to avoid being in the same YEAR as you? Wtf?
Siblings often go through a lot of major life steps at the same time. If you guys got married fairly close together, I'm not suprised you're having children at the same time.
This. Get over yourself. A lot of DH's friends and my friends are getting married now (we got married in May). Just because they've started out on their path together around the same time you did doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. They're doing things in the most common order...it just happens to be around the same time as yours. Did you seriously expect them to wait a year to get married just so it wouldn't take away from your spotlight? You sound like a spoiled brat.
I think this is the whole issue. You and DH should focus on your child and not on basking in praise/compliments/the spotlight from the rest of the family. It sounds like you wanted the wedding and pregnancy to be a big spotlight on you, then when your SIL announced her engagement/pregnancy, you didn't want the focus to be on someone else. You wanted it to be all about you.
I agree with the others. This is petty and very childish. Just live your life and stop worrying about everyone trying to "one up" you. If you look at life that way, then you will always see it that way (when your children go through milestones, start school, start driving, etc.). Getting pregnant to try to "one up" someone is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm sure she and her husband talked about getting pregnant and never once mentioned you and your DH and trying to steal your thunder.
My advice is to just focus on your child and stop worrying about everyone else. People often get married and then have kids, and it is most likely a coincidence that they are having some of their life's biggest changes at the same time as you. I think it is all in your mind that they are trying to compete. Even if they did choose to have kids for the wrong reasons, then that is still their business and not really worth being jealous over.
Did you seriously ask them to wait to get married until the year after you?! Thats very selfish, you only get a day, not a year!
I think you are overreacting. I highly doubt they got pregnant just to steal your thunder. They are a married couple and their next natural step for them was probably starting a family. Get over yourself.
Owen- April 2011
Olivia- Due December 24th
this.
Lol I'm just waiting to hear, "OMG THEIR KID STARTED SCHOOL THE SAME YEAR AS MINE!!! I FEEL SO OVERSHADOWED! I ASKED THEM NICELY TO HOLD THEIR KID BACK A YEAR BUT THEY DID IT ANYWAY!! THOSE JERKS!!!"
::sigh::
Are you this desperate for attention about everything, or just between you and SIL?
Have you stopped to consider that YOU are the competitive one?
It shouldn't matter what the motivation for their major life events are, you should just enjoy your own.
Yep your right...this is petty rant.
WOW...I can not get over the fact that you asked them to wait an extra year to get married. Did anyone tell you that you get 1 day and not the whole year?
Did you ask your SIL if she got pg because you were? How do you not know that when they were in the wedding planning process and talked about having children that they decided to start around this time? Because you announced that you were pg they were supposed to put this plan on hold? Many couples do not get pg within the first couple of months. It can take up to a year or longer.
What are you going to do if their child wants to go into the same sports as your child? Tell them to pick another one so that your child can be in the spotlight?
Get off your high horse and just be happy for them. I hope you both have healthy and happy babies.
p.s. my cousin that I am close to got married 2 months after me and I could not have been happier for her. Yes she did get engaged after me and her engagement was only 8 months long and mine was 14 months. It never once crossed my mind to ask her to wait until the next year.
You sound like my sister-in-law, who accused us of "stealing her thunder" when we got engaged a few weeks after she and my brother-in-law did. Guess what? My husband already had the ring when his brother proposed to his fiancee, and waited a month out of respect. And they got the October wedding date we wanted. If she had asked me to wait a year, I would have laughed in her face.