2nd Trimester

OMG!!!! SO PISSED....need your opinions!!!

Long story short......I recently caught my husband talking to some random girl on Yahoo IM. When I hit him up about it he got kinda defensive and said I was being "Stupid". So he deleted her and all.  Well I dunno, I checked his Myspace inbox today and found a trailed convo between him and htis other chick.  He's barely ever talked about her.....says she's the ex-wife of a good friend of his from back in the day.  He brought her up out of NO WHERE the other day which seemed a little odd. Anyhow.....pay close attention towards the end of the convo.  WWYD and what do you think?!!!!! Angry

HIM: thanks for the comment hows life

HER: Doing good just waiting on my baby it due sep 9th,its a girl.

HIM: ya i seen u gonna wind up with like 15 kids if u dont stop it haha

HER: No way!I am getting my tubes tied.So hows married life?

HIM: its maried life you know how it goes and you

HER: well we have been together for 9 yrs and still not married,but its all the same,I heard u were having a baby too?

HIM: oh ya shes 14 weeks

HER: what do u want,boy or girl?

HIM: do you have yahoo im my e mail is ******@****.com we can talk easier

HER: I tried to e-mail u it wont let me. Are u going to find out what it is,what does she want?

HIM: she wants a girl of course and ya were going to find out. check your e mail i sent you an invite to yahoo im

HER:  all ready have a yahoo account but cant rember the password my honey knows thats the only one he uses Ill ask him later. So you talk to your exwife at all?

HIM: i been in CA for 5 years now and dont have much to do with that side of the world

HER: ya know u really should take her to court u would win

HIM: i know iwould and should but why you say so

HER: cause she is one of the biggest drug heads in ******

HIM:
ya she went off the deep end i dont do nuthing any more obviously some detains would be nice and i am taking her to court for a few reasons and think she was running around acting like that while i was in iraq

HER: well I have known her for about 14 yrs, dame I am getting old, we are getting old.and she has all ways been that way,and yes the reason I know it is because I was right there with her but its time to grow up way past time for her.

HIM: well im glad you admit it but when was this and she doesnt need to grow up she just needs to go away i wasted 10 years of my life on her ass

HER: well I guess from 97-and she came to **** funeral 05 f*cked up,to *****s b-day party f*ked up, yall were together u were in iraq.

HIM: why is it you appear off line on my space thats weird

HER: I got it like that ,u can fix it so its like that.then u wont get messaged all the time from a but load of peeps.

HIM: guess that works

HER: lol...u know u havent changed,I was looking at ur pics..u lucky dog.guess you got it like that uh..lol

HIM: i got it ok and i know what pics you were looking at me all shirtless huh?

HER: no, the ones where ur in a cow boy hat.

HIM: haha you liked it any way and you can look if you want haaa but dont touch i do miss talkin sh*t with you

HER: ya we had alot of fun back in the day!

HIM: i know i was so sad when you left i miss being a horny kid well im still horny just not a kid anymore

HER: I left in 95 cause I had a baby,but I was still around.

HIM: well u werent to easy to find i was looking

HER: really!! I must have sucked u good that day uh.

HIM: just never could get enough of ya

HER: thats cause u never got it,by the way it would have been good!!!!lol

HIM: better than you could have ever imagined lmao.

HER: REALLY? too bad we will never know.

HIM: ya realy and it is to bad but at least were still friends and a little friendly flirting is always fun and gets the blood pumping

HER: sooo true!!! still it would be tempting

HIM: ya a bottle of tequila and i dont think i could stop my self just cuz of the curiosity

HER: sad but true here to good thing I only go to ***** once a month.

HIM: well what makes it worse is im still in california im still in the military hun

HER: dam thats cool.

HIM: ya oh how things change coulda been u

And she didn't write him back yet................... IS THIS APPROPRIATE FOR THEM TO BE CONVERSATING LIKE THIS??  I feel so bummed!!!!!!! I want to forward  the message to her man!!!!!!!!!

«1

Re: OMG!!!! SO PISSED....need your opinions!!!

  • No, this is not appropriate conversation for a married man to be having with someone who isn't his wife.  I think you guys need to confront this and maybe seek some help. 
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  • Umm, no. It's not ok.

  • Oh boy..it is ok to reminice but that is a little to far...I think!?
  • Not appropriate at all. It's one thing to talk to an old friend. It's another to talk about their old sexual escapades together and what might happen if they get together again.
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  • imageelliotandnicole:
    No, this is not appropriate conversation for a married man to be having with someone who isn't his wife.  I think you guys need to confront this and maybe seek some help. 

     We're already in counseling.  Holy shiet I'm so pissed right now.  HE's sitting there on his laptop.  I want to IM him the conversation and see his reaction, then again I want to send it to that other chick's man.

  • Um, no... that is totally not appropriate conversation for a married man to be having with another woman. I would have already confronted him!
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  • Yes, you definitely have some communicating to do.  I think you first need to focus on your own relationship.  He was being 100 percent inappropriate.  He insinuated that they could still flirt to "get the blood pumping."  Sorry, but that's emotional infidelity.  I'm sorry you had to read that, but you need to talk to him and tell him how wrong he was -- and perhaps go to a little bit of counseling.  I don't know about you, but I'd have major trust issues if I found something like that.

    ETA: If you're in counseling, bring it up in one of your sessions. It would be a good neutral ground.

  • I need to handle this carefully and I don't know hwat's the easiest way

     

  • OMG. i dont even know what to say. no, this is not appropriate AT ALL. especially the part about her looking at his pictures, etc. and wtf is that about her sucking him good??? you need to show this to your husband, tell him you would never normally check out his stuff because you trusted him but felt he was hiding something so you had a good cause to check out his inbox. 
  • imageMaybeMama:

    imageelliotandnicole:
    No, this is not appropriate conversation for a married man to be having with someone who isn't his wife.  I think you guys need to confront this and maybe seek some help. 

     We're already in counseling.  Holy shiet I'm so pissed right now.  HE's sitting there on his laptop.  I want to IM him the conversation and see his reaction, then again I want to send it to that other chick's man.

     Personally, I think you need to talk to your husband about it first. Although it may make you feel better, sending it to the chick's husband isn't going to solve you and your husbands problems.

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  • First of all, let's address another issue:  why were you going through his emails? That seems completely out of line, obviously there are major trust issues already.  I would be SO pissed if my husband started going through my emails. Even though I have nothing to hide, that's my own private space.

    Yes, he is being really inappropriate, but it sounds like you guys are already in counseling for something. Good luck to you both.

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  • Leave the other girl out of it.  Your DH is the one you need to worry about.

    I would just be up front. Confront him, tell him you found this and you are not happy. Talk about it.

      I would also bring it up in counseling.

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  • Um wow. Not cool. I would be out of there....
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  • Sounds like they've known each other a long time and they're flirting.  From major distance apart.  She's prego with kids and he has you, his LOVING wife who is prego too. 

     You shouldn't be looking through private stuff... you almost always end up finding things you weren't meant to see.

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  • Don't drag the other girl's man into this.  This is between you and your DH.  This is beyond inappropriate but he already knows that.  Bring it up in counseling and good luck to you.  I would think twice about this relationship.
  • imageMaybeMama:

    imageelliotandnicole:
    No, this is not appropriate conversation for a married man to be having with someone who isn't his wife.  I think you guys need to confront this and maybe seek some help. 

     We're already in counseling.  Holy shiet I'm so pissed right now.  HE's sitting there on his laptop.  I want to IM him the conversation and see his reaction, then again I want to send it to that other chick's man.

     

    I bet you are so mad.  I would be mad too.  I don't know how what you should do because I'm not in your marriage, but I hope you figure it out.  Sad   I'm sending you hugs. 

  • Wow. I would be very, very upset if I found my husband conversing about "what ifs" with his past gf/hookup/whatever.  I don't think you're being stupid and I would confront him about how it makes you feel.  That type of conversation, particularly the comment about the "tequila" makes me very concerned.  Good luck and I'm so sorry.
  • ONLY reason I went into his messages is because recently I caught him in the act of messaging some random "Sexy" chick (her profile pic on the instant message window was really sexy) and he got kinda defensive hwen I asked him about it. Prior to this I NEVER went into his emails or aNYTHING. IT never even crossed my mind.
  • imageMaybeMama:

    Long story short......I recently caught my husband talking to some random girl on Yahoo IM. When I hit him up about it he got kinda defensive and said I was being "Stupid". So he deleted her and all.  Well I dunno, I checked his Myspace inbox today and found a trailed convo between him and htis other chick.  He's barely ever talked about her.....says she's the ex-wife of a good friend of his from back in the day.  He brought her up out of NO WHERE the other day which seemed a little odd. Anyhow.....pay close attention towards the end of the convo.  WWYD and what do you think?!!!!! Angry

    HIM: thanks for the comment hows life

    HER: Doing good just waiting on my baby it due sep 9th,its a girl.

    HIM: ya i seen u gonna wind up with like 15 kids if u dont stop it haha

    HER: No way!I am getting my tubes tied.So hows married life?

    HIM: its maried life you know how it goes and you

    HER: well we have been together for 9 yrs and still not married,but its all the same,I heard u were having a baby too?

    HIM: oh ya shes 14 weeks

    HER: what do u want,boy or girl?

    HIM: do you have yahoo im my e mail is ******@****.com we can talk easier

    HER: I tried to e-mail u it wont let me. Are u going to find out what it is,what does she want?

    HIM: she wants a girl of course and ya were going to find out. check your e mail i sent you an invite to yahoo im

    HER:  all ready have a yahoo account but cant rember the password my honey knows thats the only one he uses Ill ask him later. So you talk to your exwife at all?

    HIM: i been in CA for 5 years now and dont have much to do with that side of the world

    HER: ya know u really should take her to court u would win

    HIM: i know iwould and should but why you say so

    HER: cause she is one of the biggest drug heads in ******

    HIM:
    ya she went off the deep end i dont do nuthing any more obviously some detains would be nice and i am taking her to court for a few reasons and think she was running around acting like that while i was in iraq

    HER: well I have known her for about 14 yrs, dame I am getting old, we are getting old.and she has all ways been that way,and yes the reason I know it is because I was right there with her but its time to grow up way past time for her.

    HIM: well im glad you admit it but when was this and she doesnt need to grow up she just needs to go away i wasted 10 years of my life on her ass

    HER: well I guess from 97-and she came to **** funeral 05 f*cked up,to *****s b-day party f*ked up, yall were together u were in iraq.

    HIM: why is it you appear off line on my space thats weird

    HER: I got it like that ,u can fix it so its like that.then u wont get messaged all the time from a but load of peeps.

    HIM: guess that works

    HER: lol...u know u havent changed,I was looking at ur pics..u lucky dog.guess you got it like that uh..lol

    HIM: i got it ok and i know what pics you were looking at me all shirtless huh?

    HER: no, the ones where ur in a cow boy hat.

    HIM: haha you liked it any way and you can look if you want haaa but dont touch i do miss talkin sh*t with you

    HER: ya we had alot of fun back in the day!

    HIM: i know i was so sad when you left i miss being a horny kid well im still horny just not a kid anymore

    HER: I left in 95 cause I had a baby,but I was still around.

    HIM: well u werent to easy to find i was looking

    HER: really!! I must have sucked u good that day uh.

    HIM: just never could get enough of ya

    HER: thats cause u never got it,by the way it would have been good!!!!lol

    HIM: better than you could have ever imagined lmao.

    HER: REALLY? too bad we will never know.

    HIM: ya realy and it is to bad but at least were still friends and a little friendly flirting is always fun and gets the blood pumping

    HER: sooo true!!! still it would be tempting

    HIM: ya a bottle of tequila and i dont think i could stop my self just cuz of the curiosity

    HER: sad but true here to good thing I only go to ***** once a month.

    HIM: well what makes it worse is im still in california im still in the military hun

    HER: dam thats cool.

    HIM: ya oh how things change coulda been u

    And she didn't write him back yet................... IS THIS APPROPRIATE FOR THEM TO BE CONVERSATING LIKE THIS??  I feel so bummed!!!!!!! I want to forward  the message to her man!!!!!!!!!

    Totally inappropriate. I lived through an online emotional affair of my husbands and this just smacks of the beginings of one. Research emotional affair and you will see what I mean.

  • imagediana.filipi:

    Sounds like they've known each other a long time and they're flirting.  From major distance apart.  She's prego with kids and he has you, his LOVING wife who is prego too. 

     You shouldn't be looking through private stuff... you almost always end up finding things you weren't meant to see.

    This conversation is way more than flirting.  There's a huge difference between flirting and referencing to past sexual encounters.  I would be livid if I found out my DH was talking to someone else this way.

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  • imagewhit022109:
    OMG. i dont even know what to say. no, this is not appropriate AT ALL. especially the part about her looking at his pictures, etc. and wtf is that about her sucking him good??? you need to show this to your husband, tell him you would never normally check out his stuff because you trusted him but felt he was hiding something so you had a good cause to check out his inbox. 

    This.

    Honestly, I'd want a divorce simply because he types like a 15 year old on myspace.  

    That conversation got wildly inappropriate toward the end and I would confront him if I were you.  

    Married in 2008 - DD born in 2010 - EDD 6.15.2012!
  • imagediana.filipi:

    Sounds like they've known each other a long time and they're flirting.  From major distance apart.  She's prego with kids and he has you, his LOVING wife who is prego too. 

     You shouldn't be looking through private stuff... you almost always end up finding things you weren't meant to see.

    Isn't that why we always look? To find things we're not supposed to?  :)

  • No, not appropriate AT ALL.  I'm sorry. (HUGS)

  • image*starcrossd*:

    imagewhit022109:
    OMG. i dont even know what to say. no, this is not appropriate AT ALL. especially the part about her looking at his pictures, etc. and wtf is that about her sucking him good??? you need to show this to your husband, tell him you would never normally check out his stuff because you trusted him but felt he was hiding something so you had a good cause to check out his inbox. 

    This.

    Honestly, I'd want a divorce simply because he types like a 15 year old on myspace.  

    That conversation got wildly inappropriate toward the end and I would confront him if I were you.  

    I agree with this completely!



    Lactavist.Intactivist.Co-Sleeping/Crib using.CDing/ECing.Babywearing.Attachment Parent.BLW. 'Crunchy' Mommy! Both boys' are on the spectrum. Life is busy, but great! Currently carrying my second surro babe. :]
  • Definitely NOT appropriate. I would be doing some serious soul-searching if I ever found anything like this from my DH.
    Anneliese Olive 11/5/09
    Hazel Dianna 1/8/11
    Luna Valentine 4/25/13


  • Of course it is not okay, but it seems like HE is doing most of the initiating here. He started all the bad talk and wishing for what could have been. You need to be pissed at him. Don't forward it to her bf because although it was an inappropirate conversation for her to be in, she didn't start any of it or wish for something more like your DH did. Sounds like you may need a serious conversation and some counseling with him. Good luck, that really sucks.
    Abigail Noelle, 8.29.09
    Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
    Claire Zoe, 10.26.10

  • Not appropriate or acceptable imo. It's one step away from "When and where should we meet up?"

     I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!

  • TALK TO HIM NOW!! He needs to know he can't be talking to/IMing women like this. You might look bad for snooping, but clearly you had a reason to!!!! TALK TO HIM!
  • completely inappropriate!

    You need to have a serious conversation with him. NOW.

  • imagewhit022109:
    OMG. i dont even know what to say. no, this is not appropriate AT ALL. especially the part about her looking at his pictures, etc. and wtf is that about her sucking him good??? you need to show this to your husband, tell him you would never normally check out his stuff because you trusted him but felt he was hiding something so you had a good cause to check out his inbox. 

    THIS! His inbox being private or not THIS WAS NOT APPROPRIATE messaging between a married man and a pregnant women who is NOT his wife!


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  • This...and ASAP. ?I would seriously be looking for a hotel room for the night if I found this.
  • This is NOT ok. I'm so sorry. You need to bring this up with him asap.
  • image*starcrossd*:

    imagewhit022109:
    OMG. i dont even know what to say. no, this is not appropriate AT ALL. especially the part about her looking at his pictures, etc. and wtf is that about her sucking him good??? you need to show this to your husband, tell him you would never normally check out his stuff because you trusted him but felt he was hiding something so you had a good cause to check out his inbox. 

    This.

    Honestly, I'd want a divorce simply because he types like a 15 year old on myspace.  

    That conversation got wildly inappropriate toward the end and I would confront him if I were you.  

    Yes

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  • imageMaybeMama:

    imageelliotandnicole:
    No, this is not appropriate conversation for a married man to be having with someone who isn't his wife.  I think you guys need to confront this and maybe seek some help. 

     We're already in counseling.  Holy shiet I'm so pissed right now.  HE's sitting there on his laptop.  I want to IM him the conversation and see his reaction, then again I want to send it to that other chick's man.

    Print it out and bring it to your next appointment. This is not appropriate conversation for someone to have if he's married. 

  • First of all, I'm SO sorry you have to deal with this!  You need to focus on your H and not deal with the girl or her man.  Could you print the conversation and talk to him about it in your next counseling session so there is someone there to mediate?  I don't know that I'd be able to keep my mouth shut until then, but it could keep you (and him) from saying things you will regret later.  GL and hugs to you!
  • I'd so be kickin' some ass right now!! Seriously though you need to have a long talk with him about this. 
  • no i dont think its appropriate, but you might be careful how you address him about it so he doesnt flip it on you and ask why you were looking at his conversation....just be sure and let him know its not appropriate to speak to someone in a misleading way....and how would he feel about you speaking to a guy like that?
  • no. I would 100% NOT be okay with that.  You two need to talk.
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  • I'm so sorry, this is truly awful - you shld definitely confront him and talk about it!
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  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Yes, you have every right to be upset. As hard as this may seem, you DO need to approach him in a calm manner and discuss this. This type of conversation is highly inappropriate and shakes the foundation of trust in your marriage to the very core. I would also print a copy of this conversation and take to your next counseling session. Your husband will probably make all kinds of excuses...like saying you are stupid or being insecure. Your concerns (not insecurities as he will have you believe) are totally legitimate.?
    Three beautiful girls! DD#1 8-23-01 DD#2 4-25-07 DD#3 10-19-10
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