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Middle of the night cry

happyhooplahappyhoopla member
in TTC After a Loss

Went to the bathroom to find AF in all her glory and now am sitting in front of the computer at 3 in the morning crying. Why the hell this is so hard? Why do I have to be defective? Why couldn't I be the one whose one night of "recklace abandon" let to a "surprise"? What the f*ck!?! Dh asked me what was wrong when I went back to bed and to have to tell him that this month was a bust and see the disappointment kills me each time. And to know that it's my fault he's experienced so much pain.... I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sick and tired of trying to be philosophical and see the good in all of this. Screw the lessons I should learn and the better person I'll become. At this point I feel like it's all just sugar-coated bullsh*t!  

Oh, I am so sorry for the ramblings and negativity. I just don't know who to tell this to and you all are the only ones who understand what I'm feeling. I needed to decompress before going back upstairs to bed. I hope you all have a much better day than I'm having. Sorry again for spreading my gloom. Thanks so much if you've read all this.

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Loss #1 (missed miscarriage) 14 weeks Loss #2 (missed miscarriage) 10 weeks Loss #3 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #4 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #5 (chemical pregnancy)
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Re: Middle of the night cry

  • XrayLinnyXrayLinny

    Oh..AF surprised me last night too...I know exactly how you feel...I too am SO done trying to see the good in things and all that...we need to hang in there and TRY to be patient. this is a real test of my patients....

     

    Hang in....Big Smile

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  • karrotbkarrotb

    Hey....none of this is your fault, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself..

    I've been crying every month when I get my lovely AF too, it SUCKS! I guess the only thing we can do is keep persevering, positive or not...

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  • ping1080ping1080 member
    I'm so sorry to hear that you were having a tough night! I hope you were able to get some sleep! Booo to AF!
    BFP#1 1/27/09 :: Natural m/c 2/6/09 @ 6w
    BFP#2 5/11/09 :: Natural m/c 5/27/09 @ 5w5d
    BFP#3 7/24/09 :: Missed m/c, baby stopped growing at 6w4d :: natural m/c 8/28/09 @ 8w6d
    BFP #4 11/27/09 :: DD born 7/27/10
    BFP #5 2/29/12 :: DD born 11/6/12

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  • mrstyson03mrstyson03

    I'm sorry you had a rough night. Like pp said, none of this is your fault. You can't blame yourself. I know it's hard enough to deal with your own disappointment, let alone seeing your DH disappointed too. I think most of know how hard that is. I hope today's a better day for you, and you'll be in my thoughts. Wishing you the best... ((Hugs))

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  • Addicted2thenotAddicted2thenot member
    I am so sorry that you had to wake up to that damn AF. (((HUGS))) ?This is not your fault. ?
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    Summer 2011
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers ~early M/C 4/09 ~ Ectopic 6/09~ BFP 11/09~
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  • PeetiePiePeetiePie
    (((hugs)))
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  • BeckyS1211BeckyS1211
    I just wanted to say that this isn't your fault, you aren't defective, and it's ok to be devastated every month when AF shows up.  Big hugs to you...
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  • Mia07Mia07

    I'm so sorry the stupid hag had to come visit you. I told her to stay away!

    ((HUGS))

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  • JacquiemarkJacquiemark

    Crying

    I have been feeling the same way the past two days. This is so f'n hard and frustrating! But we need to remember that this is none of our faults.

    ((HUGS))

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  • epona3epona3 member

    I know how you feel!  I could have written that exactly this month. (hugs)

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  • happyhooplahappyhoopla member
    Thanks everyone for what you've said. I think that I really just needed to wallow in self-pity for a bit.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Loss #1 (missed miscarriage) 14 weeks Loss #2 (missed miscarriage) 10 weeks Loss #3 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #4 (chemical pregnancy) Loss #5 (chemical pregnancy)
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