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1st Trimester
Long Vent... Anxious About Today
Today is my last day of work and I'm terribly anxious about going in.
I work for my Dad and my Step Mother. She, I've come to find out, is terribly bi-polar and spends her time actively trying (seriously) to make life difficult for everyone she comes into contact with. She lies, manipulates, talks badly about everyone (including my siblings who also work for them) behind their backs and is their best friend to their faces.
Because I am the only one who has to work directly with her and my stress levels have been out of control, becuase of it, the last few months, my husband and I recently decided that I would leave my job to become a SAHW and eventually SAHM. I'm really happy about that and feel lucky that we can afford (barely!) to make it happen. However, I'm really pissed off and hurt about this whole situation.
My Dad and Stepmom have told all of their five kids before (between the two of them... none together) that they don't understand why anyone would want to have kids. My Dad also feels that unless you are working a job, you are a leech on society... even if you are a SAHM with a working husband.
When we told them that we were pregnant, he pretended to be excited for us. Behind my back, they started looking for a replacement for me (I was only 6 1/2 weeks pregnant at the time). I didn't intend to leave my job so soon... in fact, was going to give them notice a couple months before leaving for maternity leave and then not come back. But this rattled me so much, that I gave my resignation then and there.
The really screwed up part is... my Dad fully expects me to maintain a relationship with him and if I'm not actively involved in his life (he could care less to be involved in mine...), then I'm a 'bad kid.'
We had our second Ultra sound on Friday, which they knew about, and not only did they not call to ask how things went and if everything was okay, I emailed pictures of the U/S to them on Friday afternoon and they haven't emailed or called back.
Today is my last day. I was out sick with the flu Tues, Wed and Thurs of last week (and then they told me not to come in on Friday since I needed to take 45 minutes to go to a Prenatal Appt. anyway.... [dumb...]). Apparently they hired someone last week. They emailed and told me that she's doing "GREEEEAAAT" and that they just need me to come in today, Monday, to 'wrap up some loose ends.'
I'm anxious about going in because of how angrily I am feeling towards them right now. They are oblivious to the fact that they are behaving badly and I want to make them see that, but I've never been successful in doing it before, so I know I won't be now.
Sorry to vent so much but I'm freaking out about today and just thought I'd share. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to handle them? Anything would help.
Thanks, in advance.
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Re: Long Vent... Anxious About Today
Your father and stepmother have proven they are very capable of emotional abuse. Let them call you what they will - why should you care about the opinion of the likes of them? Do you really want your baby exposed to that sort of environment?
this, exactly
You're right. Should I explain to them, first, why I am doing it, or just go ahead and do it? I'm not the first of their five kids to cut them out... the last to do it didn't explain themselves and so my Step Mom and Father just quietly stew about it, talk crap about them and play martyrs.
I guess I shouldn't care whether they know or not, as long as I don't have to deal with them anymore?
This. You're an adult and you don't need to kowtow to them just because they're your dad and stepmom. It sounds like you're not getting anything out of this relationship other than pain, so why keep going back for more?
I'm sorry that you're in this position. I know how much it hurts to have toxic family members. My parents are also pretty toxic but I'm their only living child and no one else is around to help out with them (they're both in failing health) so I'm kind of stuck. If you, like me, can't bring yourself to cut them off, remember that it's not you; it's them. Don't allow yourself to take anything they say personally and don't seek their approval.
Thank you - really good advice, and sorry to hear that you're in a similar situation.
I have always and still do, I think, seek their approval and I don't know why... I don't from anyone else, so why would I from the people who treat me worst?
It's really good to have this advice to think about when I go in this morning... thank you.
I think, to be the bigger person, I'd tell them why. And if their behavior changes (unlikely) then you can reconsider, but at least they'll have some kind of notice. Unfortunately though, it sounds like they're going to talk crap regardless. I'm sorry, sucky situation.
It really depends on what you feel comfortable with. From what you mentioned, they haven't called you, though you have contacted them. You could try just not contacting them. I'm the type who will tell people straight up if I don't like them though - just whatever you do, don't get all worked up at this point, concentrate on your health and well-being.
Again, you're bringing up how they "stew, talk crap" - who cares! At this point, anyone they complain to will be wondering what their problem is, since this has happened with several of their children already. Good luck with it - I know this sort of situation sucks, but it's a liberating feeling to not be constantly surrounded by this type of crap.
You're right. Okay... I'm ready for this, I think.
Thank you!
That's terrible. Especially since it's your dad, too, and not just some b!tchy stepmom. I wouldn't go storming in there to confront them, but next time they're out of line, tell them that you're tired of their comments. I particularly love the one about how they "don't understand why anyone would want kids" when they have 5!!!
I would tell them something to the effect of "I don't appreciate being made to feel bad for the choices that I make, especially when those choices are not only normal, but positive. I'm choosing a happy life, and you can be a part of it, or not." They'll still stew and talk trash, but I think you'll feel better, and at this point, that's all that counts.I hear ya! My father was a ragging alcoholic, did drugs and just totally negative. Lets just say I had a bad childhood! When I got old enough at 18 my parents divorced and I haven't talked to him since. He put so much stress in my life that I used to have anxiety attacks all the time. 10years later and I am still happy with my choice! Sometimes it brings me down a little cause my baby will only have 1 grandpa, but I think about it and I know I wouldn't want it any other way!