long wwyd. Where is Dr.Phil when I need him?

cherryblossom25 · June 2009

*If this sounds familiar, you may have read my sister's post about the same thing on 0-6 today. We are both very upset about this situation and I thought you girls might have some input to offer.

Ok. So I'm kinda embarassed to even post this, because I have gotten to be good friends with many of you and I don't want you to think my family is completely trashy and dysfunctional. We are a nice family. We used to be anyway. I have posted a bit in the past about my mentally ill younger sister (recently that she ran away with someone she met online and was trying to get pg - thankfully she is not, not yet anyway) but some things have happened recently that have me extremely stressed and upset. Just wanted your thoughts on this one.

So my sister - L - is 19 and has had numerous psych diagnoses, borderline personality, bipolar, major depression, among others... I may sound totally insensitive here but we've been dealing with this for several years and she has made zero effort to even try to get better and I am sick of her. Sick of the drama and the pain she has put my family though. There is SO much backstory, but to sum it up, she is the world's biggest liar, doesn't care who she hurts, she's selfish, manipulative, and disgusting. Boy, do I sound like a b!tch. I know I do, but it's warranted. She has put my family through absolute hell.

Most recently she told my older sister (K) she was sorry but she would not be able to see K's kids anymore or see Abigail because children are happy and it makes her want to hurt them. It makes my stomach turn to know that she looked my sister in the eye and specified my daughter by name and said she wanted to hurt her. It would never shock me if she DID hurt someone else. She is very capable, I don't believe she has any sort of a conscience nor does she care about anyone in the world but herself. She is a ticking time bomb, IMO, it's not a question of IF but WHEN she will fly off the handle.

So due to this, my older sister and I are both uncomfortable being around L and do not want her near our children at all. Understandable, right? Because my mom seems to think we are both being unreasonable and mean. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to Abigail after I knowingly put her in danger by exposing her to someone who had verbally threatened to hurt her. Since I don't want A near L, I am not able to see my parents, because L needs to be constantly supervised, and my mom is taking offense to us not wanting the kids around L, and won't even try to arrange a way that she can visit with us and leave L with someone else for a short time. I feel like my parents are being taken away from me and it's horrible. I miss my mom so much. It's not even an option for me to visit when there are many people around, I know L would not be able to even get close to Abigail, she'd have to get through me first, but I don't even want her thinking about how she wants to hurt her.

It makes me so sick. I'm not even sure what I am looking for from this post but I guess I needed to vent.

sorry for the longass post, thanks for reading if you got this far.

mrsdanigirl8 · June 2009

I am so sorry. Mental illnesses are serious. I wouldn't trust my baby in that situation either. You are doing what's right for your child.

I think your mom is in the wrong for not realizing how dangerous your sister is. She's trying to protect her baby Have you tried inviting your mom to a neutral ground (like lunch) instead of having her over? Or is she not even willing to meet with you for that short amount of time?

I'm sorry you have to go through this! But threats from an unstable person should not be taken lightly.

AngelsAmid · June 2009

I think that's a very dangerous situation. Especially once she's said that- I'd never bring my child near her. Your Mom is just probably saying that because she's afraid of not seeing her grandkids- regardless her safety would be my priority

cherryblossom25 · June 2009

mrsdanigirl8:

I think your mom is in the wrong for not realizing how dangerous your sister is. She's trying to protect her baby Have you tried inviting your mom to a neutral ground (like lunch) instead of having her over? Or is she not even willing to meet with you for that short amount of time?

She's either not willing or not able to leave L at all. She gets very defensive if anyone is getting together in the family and L is excluded, she gets really mad.

At first she sais she understood but now she's talking to both my sister and I like we are being unfair to L. She's mad at me because L threatened to hurt Abigail, and I want to protect her. That makes a lot of sense, right?!

ocean71506 · June 2009

Wow, what a tough situation. I do not blame you at all for not wanting Abigail near your sister. I would be nervous too. You need to do what you need to do to protect your family. I hope your mom comes around. ((hugs))

Skatcat · June 2009

I'm so sorry. Mental illness is just devastating for the whole family. It sounds like your mom is getting defensive and trying to protect her little girl (Now that you are a mom, can you blame her?)

But ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for your family's safety. I think there is nothing wrong with being firm and saying, "Look mom, I love you and miss you, and I want you to come visit, but not with 'L'." and stick to it. YOU are Abigail's mom, and she needs to be your first priority.

Heether · June 2009

Skatcat:

I'm so sorry. Mental illness is just devastating for the whole family. It sounds like your mom is getting defensive and trying to protect her little girl (Now that you are a mom, can you blame her?)

But ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for your family's safety. I think there is nothing wrong with being firm and saying, "Look mom, I love you and miss you, and I want you to come visit, but not with 'L'." and stick to it. YOU are Abigail's mom, and she needs to be your first priority.

I completely agree.

jennunc · June 2009

I have dealt with a mentally ill sister for many years (since she was 12 and she is now 27). It is very stressful for the entire family. We tried to get my sister help numerous times, many treatment centers, etc. She eventually got into drugs and actually had brain damage. She lives with my parents full time now. While she would never hurt DS as she is on medication, I can totally understand your fears adn the feeling of abandonment by your mom. When you have a sibling that needs the attention, it is hard not to feel like you are getting the short end of the stick for being the normal one, with a normal life.

For years my mom enabled my sister....sounds like what your mom is doing to. But it is her daughter...and I can't imagine it is easy to see your child in so much turmoil.

You need to do what is best for you and your DD. IF your mom won't meet you on neutral ground, you will just have to remember that not seeing her is best for your DD. Maybe after absence, your mom will understand and be more willing to see you and DD on your terms.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It really is so hard. Big HUGS!

MayBride2B2007 · June 2009

Skatcat:

I'm so sorry. Mental illness is just devastating for the whole family. It sounds like your mom is getting defensive and trying to protect her little girl (Now that you are a mom, can you blame her?)

But ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for your family's safety. I think there is nothing wrong with being firm and saying, "Look mom, I love you and miss you, and I want you to come visit, but not with 'L'." and stick to it. YOU are Abigail's mom, and she needs to be your first priority.

this. stand your ground. mental illness is serious stuff and with outward threats, in all honesty, your sister may need to have more serious intervention than your mom can give her.

NoVaIrish · June 2009

MayBride2B2007:
Skatcat:

I'm so sorry. Mental illness is just devastating for the whole family. It sounds like your mom is getting defensive and trying to protect her little girl (Now that you are a mom, can you blame her?)
But ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for your family's safety. I think there is nothing wrong with being firm and saying, "Look mom, I love you and miss you, and I want you to come visit, but not with 'L'." and stick to it. YOU are Abigail's mom, and she needs to be your first priority.
this.? stand your ground.? mental illness is serious stuff and with outward threats, in all honesty, your sister may need to have more serious intervention than your mom can give her.

This and this. ??

justgnat · June 2009

Jeez! I'm sorry. Ask your mom what she'd have done is anyone said they'd thought about wanting to hurt one of her kids. Would she have let you guys anywhere near that person?

Your mom is being unreasonable. Maybe she'll come around when she realizes she's never going to miss out on her grandkids childhoods.

I hope things work out.

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long wwyd. Where is Dr.Phil when I need him?

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