Questions about CIO from those who used it

Echowysp · June 2009

I've always wondered how the child learns self-soothing when you Ferberize them (or Sleep Easy or others that use CIO). I keep reading about how kids will go from waking 4 times a night to STTN after 3 nights.

I'm going to read the book if we decide to use the technique, but I've always been curious how this works from people who have used it, not the authors.

LukeAndAmanda · June 2009

I think once they get used to the fact that they don't need you to go to sleep, it all clicks. One of his main points is being familiar. He used a pillow example...If you go to sleep with a pillow, and you wake up in the middle of the night without it, you're going to get up to look for it. After going to bed so many times without it, you just adapt to that...it's hard to explain it all, but it worked wonders for us. DD cried 11 minutes the first night, cried 45 seconds the next night, and hasn't cried since. And she sttn 9-9, only getting up once every 6 or 7 nights. Since doing it 3 months ago, I've only had to go in there 4 times.

carolinag · June 2009

Basically it teaches them that you aren't going to hold their hand and rock them to sleep and such. They quickly learn that they need to be able to fall asleep on their own. Within a day or two Timmy was sleeping so much better. He was distressed the first night, but then was ok. And I've read a lot of people saying that the baby becomes resigned to the fact that you've abandoned them. That is not how it works in our case. Timmy now knows that when he is put in his bed that it's bedtime. He never fusses or seems distressed. He grabs his sock monkey and blankie, rolls over, and shoves his little butt up in the air! He sleeps like a champ now.

I also want to say how important I think self soothing is from the other side. My mom was the type who never let me CIO and always rocked me to sleep, etc. Well I never really learned to self soothe and have had problems falling asleep my entire life. I really want my kids to be able to sleep better than I can!

Echowysp · June 2009

LukeAndAmanda:
I think once they get used to the fact that they don't need you to go to sleep, it all clicks. One of his main points is being familiar. He used a pillow example...If you go to sleep with a pillow, and you wake up in the middle of the night without it, you're going to get up to look for it. After going to bed so many times without it, you just adapt to that...it's hard to explain it all, but it worked wonders for us. DD cried 11 minutes the first night, cried 45 seconds the next night, and hasn't cried since. And she sttn 9-9, only getting up once every 6 or 7 nights. Since doing it 3 months ago, I've only had to go in there 4 times.

That makes sense. Sounds like the advice my friend got when she was trying to night wean her son. If you got a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice each night, you'd be mightily pissed if one night you woke up and it wasn't there. But if the glass got smaller and smaller, you'd not notice it as much when it was gone.

mbg8r · June 2009

Yeah, I would say it's a get used to it kind of thing. Worked wonders with DD. So far it looks like we won't have to do anything like that with DS, he is finally starting to STTN on his own.

ameliasmom · June 2009

My understanding of it is that you may be teaching your LO how to fall asleep using the wrong cues. In our case, we rock DD to sleep. When they wake up through the night, they don't know how to fall asleep again because they learned how to fall asleep with your help. Therefore, they require you to fall back asleep. Waking up is not the problem, but not knowing what to do to fall back to sleep on their own is what the problem is.

That is why it works. Since they have learned how to fall asleep initially on their own, they know what to do alone.

With that being said, we haven't done it yet but will be on the long weekend in July (we want 3 days in a row to get her naps under control as well as they are more of our problem. Hopefully she will be able to transfer this to her DCP (she is babysat with one other infant)).

I would highly recommend reading the book though. We tried to quasi ferberize her without reading and now realize it was unsuccessful because we were doing it wrong!!!

Echowysp · June 2009

carolinag:
Basically it teaches them that you aren't going to hold their hand and rock them to sleep and such. They quickly learn that they need to be able to fall asleep on their own. Within a day or two Timmy was sleeping so much better. He was distressed the first night, but then was ok. And I've read a lot of people saying that the baby becomes resigned to the fact that you've abandoned them. That is not how it works in our case. Timmy now knows that when he is put in his bed that it's bedtime. He never fusses or seems distressed. He grabs his sock monkey and blankie, rolls over, and shoves his little butt up in the air! He sleeps like a champ now.
I also want to say how important I think self soothing is from the other side. My mom was the type who never let me CIO and always rocked me to sleep, etc. Well I never really learned to self soothe and have had problems falling asleep my entire life. I really want my kids to be able to sleep better than I can!

The bolded part is what I'm so scared about. It gets me teary thinking about it! How do I know he won't think that? He doesn't know I'd be trying to help him. Wah.

LukeAndAmanda · June 2009

Exactly. The book also says that if you could rock your child to sleep, and have them sleep all night, there would be no reason that you can't rock them to sleep. So it's not so much JUST having them put themselves to sleep, but being okay, and being able to go back to bed at night when they wake up. My DD gets in her crib at night, lays down, rolls over, and closes her eyes before I even leave the room. I NEVER thought that would happen. But it's amazing now that it does. Like I tell people, after the two or three nights of them crying (Some do cry longer, and that happens!), they forget how awful it is...they aren't scarred for life, and everyone is much happier.

ameliasmom · June 2009

Echowysp:
carolinag:
Basically it teaches them that you aren't going to hold their hand and rock them to sleep and such. They quickly learn that they need to be able to fall asleep on their own. Within a day or two Timmy was sleeping so much better. He was distressed the first night, but then was ok. And I've read a lot of people saying that the baby becomes resigned to the fact that you've abandoned them. That is not how it works in our case. Timmy now knows that when he is put in his bed that it's bedtime. He never fusses or seems distressed. He grabs his sock monkey and blankie, rolls over, and shoves his little butt up in the air! He sleeps like a champ now.
I also want to say how important I think self soothing is from the other side. My mom was the type who never let me CIO and always rocked me to sleep, etc. Well I never really learned to self soothe and have had problems falling asleep my entire life. I really want my kids to be able to sleep better than I can!
The bolded part is what I'm so scared about. It gets me teary thinking about it! How do I know he won't think that? He doesn't know I'd be trying to help him. Wah.

If you weren't returning at set intervals, they may feel that way. They aren't distressed, in most case, they are pi$$ed. You've taken away what they are used to. You are teaching them new ways to fall asleep so that they can do it on their own. Most people get angry when you change things but do adapt.

LukeAndAmanda · June 2009

We actually had to stop going into DD's room. It was just making her worse, and realized that us not going in there made her go to sleep earlier. Just think of it this way...the next day, the only time they're going to think about it is at bedtime again, and a few days later, it won't even be an issue. The doing it part really sucks, but everyone who has done Ferber and had it be successful will tell you how worth those crappy few nights of crying are. They really are happier about bedtime, and when they don't have to get up and cry for you in the middle of the night, that seems much easier for them. Not waking up and realizing you aren't there.

SpecialWife · June 2009

We used Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and at the time DD was still napping 4 times/day and already sleeping 12hr/night. BUT she was having a hard time staying down for naps and I thought it would be nice to not rock her anymore (because I assumed it would get harder with age). I think by the 3rd nap of that first day she wasn't fussing and was sleeping 2 hr instead of 45 min for naps. Yea!

EmilyOTR1 · June 2009

Echowysp:
carolinag:

Basically it teaches them that you aren't going to hold their hand and rock them to sleep and such. They quickly learn that they need to be able to fall asleep on their own. Within a day or two Timmy was sleeping so much better. He was distressed the first night, but then was ok. And I've read a lot of people saying that the baby becomes resigned to the fact that you've abandoned them. That is not how it works in our case. Timmy now knows that when he is put in his bed that it's bedtime. He never fusses or seems distressed. He grabs his sock monkey and blankie, rolls over, and shoves his little butt up in the air! He sleeps like a champ now.

I also want to say how important I think self soothing is from the other side. My mom was the type who never let me CIO and always rocked me to sleep, etc. Well I never really learned to self soothe and have had problems falling asleep my entire life. I really want my kids to be able to sleep better than I can!

The bolded part is what I'm so scared about. It gets me teary thinking about it! How do I know he won't think that? He doesn't know I'd be trying to help him. Wah.

That is exactly why I won't do it. I feel like he would give up and feel abandoned.

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