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Working Moms
2 y.o. son asked to leave daycare
in Working Moms
Hi girls - my blood has been boiling and my mind has been racing about this one...not sure what to do...thought I could come here for some advice! My 2 year old son has been having a "biting" issue on and off since he turned one (sometime after he started teething). He has been in daycare, full time, since he was 3 months. He doesn't have any issues w/ biting at home (or if we see him coming in for the chomp, we stop him and correct it). Recently, it's gotten much worse at daycare. Yesterday it was so bad he bit 2 kids on the face and broke skin. Our daycare is really strict (in-home daycare) - so when I got the call at work, they told me they were going to segregate him from the kids for the rest of the day and that I was not to bring him back until Monday (missing 1 day because of it). At first I freaked out and called my pediatrician and even made an appt w/ a behavioral therapist (at the Dr.'s suggestion) thinking that he has a "problem." Now that I've had a chance to talk to other mothers, I am getting more and more mad at the situation and the way the daycare handled it. What do you guys think? Does this situation warrant me to get therapy for my son? Is he being just a typical 2 year old? We never have any issues at home, like I said, or when he is playing w/ other kids, cousins, etc. I am so furious that my son was kicked out of daycare for a day, for being a typical toddler! He's 2!
We're starting to look at other options for daycare. Just so unsettling because he's been there since he was 6 months, they were great in the beginning (field trips weekly, went outside to play, etc) Now, they keep the kids cooped up inside (in a room w/ a baby gate for the most part) and hardly ever go outside. I'm wondering if he's "lashing out" because he's got cabin fever? I know I would go nuts if I were in that situation 8 hours out of day. Thanks so much for your imput on this. I am so embarassed, frustrated, and confused about what to do next. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2 y.o. son asked to leave daycare
Most kids do bite at one time or another when they are toddlers. But if your son has been doing it consistently for a while now and it is getting worse to the extent that he is biting other kids regularly and severely - I can certainly understand where your daycare is coming from.
I would consider the behavioral evaluation - it won't hurt anything.
I am sure biting for a 2 year old is normal however, put yourself in the shoes of the mother whos kids had broken skin because of your LO. I don't blame daycare as the other parents would probablly be upset if daycare didn't do anything.
Maybe talking to someone about it isn't a bad idea. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed at least you want to do something about it.
Honestly I think you're lucky you're not paying someone else's doctor bills. Those kids whose got bit hard enough to break the skin had to go to the doctor and possibly get tetanus shots. Many daycares do have a policy on biting which says that they will ask you to leave if your child bites X number of times or if the bites are particularly bad.
If your DS were the bitten rather than the biter, how would you feel knowing that your kid would be in continued danger of getting bit again? Honestly I would threaten to pull my kid out if the DCP didn't do anything. And yes, my kid has been bitten at daycare, but it didn't break the skin and it wasn't a repeat offender who is getting worse about it instead of better.
It may very well be that your DS is lashing out because he's being cooped up too much. But if that's the reason, wouldn't you want to get him out of there ASAP anyway?
*Mom of a biter raising her hand*
I would be upset with the way your d/c is handling this too. I think both the parents and the teacher/director need to sit down and discuss what you all think the triggers may be AND what possible solutions are before kicking him out (even for only a day).
We had to do this at our Center about 2 months ago. We felt triggers included being overwhelmed at the amount of kids (ranging in ages from infants to 4 yr olds) in the room at drop-off time (it was a smaller room, only 2-3 teachers with upwards of 20 kids running around, screaming, crying, etc,). In response to that, they changed this system to where the kids are separated into their own classrooms earlier than they were.
We also found that if he didn't sleep well or just needed quiet time to play by himself, he would bite. The solution was for the teachers to recognize that happening before it escalated and to encourage him to sit and corner or read, and encourage the other kids to let him be.
At home, since our DS was also not a biter at home playing with neighbor friends, anything he did that was wrong, we used the counting system (1-2-3) and the 3, if he didn't correct himself, he got a slap on the hand.
Finally, moving up to the next age group room was a tremendous help (do you have that option at d/c, since you said it was an in-home center...). It's kind of like the pecking order thing...we found that DS was now the smaller/newer one.
We have had 2 or 3 incidents since we met and discussed all of this, but seeing at how improved DS has gotten in the past couple of months, it's not as big of a deal.
It sounds like your d/c is ignoring the problem with "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Definitely push to sit down with them to find a solution.
*hugs* and good luck!
We've been on both ends (as I mentioned, my DS has been the biter). last summer, there was a repeat offender biting my son. At first, I was upset; but once I learned that the teachers and the parents were working to rectify the situation,I felt better. (And, by accident, I found out who the biter was and I knew the parent - and the parent confronted me with profuse apologies.)
As my son's teachers said, you have biters, scratchers, pullers, pinchers, throw down on the floor-ers - every kid handles things differently. Yes we want to protect our child from being the "punching bag" but if it's a recent behavior, I think some leeway should be given IF the parents and teachers are working togther.
FWIW I can't imagine taking him to a behavioral specialist at age 2 when he rarely, if ever, displays these problems at home.
Side note: Another trigger just dawned on me - teeth. Is your child getting 2-yr molars maybe?
This. I feel for you, but my son was bitten very hard by some other child and several other times too. I was very upset by it and the day cares do have to do what is best for the children as a whole
I think I would think of him being asked to stay home for a day not as punishment necessarily, but as a way to break the cycle and give him a little breathing room. A friend of mine at work had a biter and they actually asked him to stay home for longer than that in order to change the cycle of behavior between him and another kid that they thought was leading to the biting. Ultimately, it didn't help, but that may be a whole different story.
But I would probably also look for another daycare because it doesn't sound like a great situation with the kids in the same room all the time. My ds loves to go outside and he'd get a little nutty if he were inside all the time.
Your feelings seem totally understandable, by the way. And since the doctor suggested the behavioral therapist, it might not hurt to go.
Put yourself in the shoes of the mother who came to daycare and found a bite mark on her child's face! You would be on here complaining!
Ditto this. Our center warned us from the start that repeat biting (a serious pattern of practice) would not be tolerated but that they would initially work with us on correction, etc. While disruptive and upsetting, I can see why it is happening. But I do think they should've been working with you more on what methods of correction had been tried, what wasn't working, when it was happening, etc. so you have some more background. Also, may be for the best considering it sounds like you are starting to have some other issues there regarding the care of your DS anyway.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I would be leaving the center. The issue to me is not the rule, but how they are continually missing the signs, and redirecting, before he makes a motion to bite. He absolutely needs a more attentive environment. 2-year olds need their teacher as moderator and they need a stimulating environment (some more than others).
And although I can understand the occasional 'unexpected bite' (once in a blue moon) can be missed-as a former daycare worker I would have had to been blind and deaf not to have continually noticed a child about ready to cause a bite. Because every child in that class had a purpose, something to do that kept them entertained. And when that ended-I provided something else to take that place-there was very little "no-purpose" roaming.
Keeping children stimulated (small group play) introducing new activities, exciting play stations-and not in the same cr*p, cluttered toy area for 8 hours a day. Some 2-year olds cannot handle that monotony.
If your child continues to have behavioral issues is a quality, stimulated center, then I would get him evaluated.
I think it is caused by toddler frustration and not being able to express what he wants with the other kids verbally but being couped up and bored probably doesn't help the situation. I would consider other daycare options. It doesn't sound like your daycare provider knows what to do...if the daycare provider understood toddler behavior better or was more closely monitoring the kids, it might be easier to prevent him from biting again but it doesn't seem like she has a policy or wants to try to work with him.
On the other hand, I've been the mom who gets the phone call at work that their little girl has been bitten on the face and is bleeding, hurt, etc. and I want the problem solved ASAP and I don't want my kid getting bit again. So I see both sides...
I agree. As a mother of a daughter who got bitten ALL THE TIME at day care, I was SO incredibly frustrated that nothing ever changed. if my daughter would have been bit in the face AND it broke skin - there is no way my daughter would have gone back in without the other kid getting kicked out.
Most kids DO bite, but if its becoming a regular habit, something needs to change - and maybe changing day cares is what will fix the situation.