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NGPR: Am I overreacting?

Mrs CarrilloMrs Carrillo
in Trying to Get Pregnant

I am annoyed and want to know if I am overreacting.  Would this bother you guys??

Ok DH's good friend, is now dating a woman who DH had "crazy sex" (what he told me) a few times about 3 years ago.  He told me about her when we were first dating and yes I remembered her name and the details.  So now he forgot that I remembered, and now 3 times I have been in the awkward position of having to hang out with her.  Last night we were supposed to go to movies with DH and his friend.  DH coincidentally forgot to tell me she was going too, so then it looked like a double date.  He does not get it at all, that it bothers me.  BTW she is rude, doesn't talk, even around other people, only talks to the guys.  UGH.

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Re: NGPR: Am I overreacting?

  • lyse2143lyse2143 member
    I'm a little unsure as to what exactly you are mad about. Are you mad that he didn't tell you about the fact she was going? Are you mad that he doesn't get why you wouldn't like her even though this stuff happened so long ago and you should trust your H? Are you mad because she is rude?
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  • candy_mandy85candy_mandy85 member

    imagelyse2143:
    I'm a little unsure as to what exactly you are mad about. Are you mad that he didn't tell you about the fact she was going? Are you mad that he doesn't get why you wouldn't like her even though this stuff happened so long ago and you should trust your H? Are you mad because she is rude?

    ditto 

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  • Mrs CarrilloMrs Carrillo

    imagelyse2143:
    I'm a little unsure as to what exactly you are mad about. Are you mad that he didn't tell you about the fact she was going? Are you mad that he doesn't get why you wouldn't like her even though this stuff happened so long ago and you should trust your H? Are you mad because she is rude?

    Sorry.  It's not that I don't trust my H, it just bothers me that he doesn't think anything of us hanging out with her.  The thing is we've been in that situation before where we had the opportunity to hang out with a friend of mine and a guy I used to date, and he had a fit and wouldn't.  So now its a double standard.

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  • lyse2143lyse2143 member
    Ok well I can understand being annoyed at the double standard. Have you had a conversation with him about how it makes you uncomfortable with you? Have you tried to show him how it is similar to the previous situation?
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  • Mrs CarrilloMrs Carrillo
    Its just an awkward situation, and we've talked about it already.  Since it wasn't the first time, it got to me.  Plus it wasn't a party with other people, just the 4 of us.
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  • Mrs.LucanMrs.Lucan
    imageMrs Carrillo:

    imagelyse2143:
    I'm a little unsure as to what exactly you are mad about. Are you mad that he didn't tell you about the fact she was going? Are you mad that he doesn't get why you wouldn't like her even though this stuff happened so long ago and you should trust your H? Are you mad because she is rude?

    Sorry.  It's not that I don't trust my H, it just bothers me that he doesn't think anything of us hanging out with her.  The thing is we've been in that situation before where we had the opportunity to hang out with a friend of mine and a guy I used to date, and he had a fit and wouldn't.  So now its a double standard.

    I understand. I would be irritated that he doesn't understand, but this would actually make me mad. I would take some time to calm down and try to explain to him gently that it makes you uncomfortable to be around her, and that you'd like to try not to hang out with them. If that's not worth it for him...then I would have problems.

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  • lyse2143lyse2143 member
    Well I would just tell him that you would be alright with it if it wasn't just the 4 of you, in a double date type situation, but would be willing to hang out with her in a group setting. If he doesn't understand that, then I would be angry, but there is no need to be really upset at this point.
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  • Mrs CarrilloMrs Carrillo

    imagelyse2143:
    Ok well I can understand being annoyed at the double standard. Have you had a conversation with him about how it makes you uncomfortable with you? Have you tried to show him how it is similar to the previous situation?

    Oh yeah we'v talked about it a few times.  He just says he doesn't want to lose his friend, because I can't get over it.  I suggested that they can hang out like they already do, just the guys.  Yes he admits that if it was me and someone I had slept with it would bother him.  But somehow its different ??

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  • candy_mandy85candy_mandy85 member
    I agree with pp, I would just sit down with him and clearly tell him why the situation upsets you and explain how when he was in the position you were he refused to hang out. 
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  • lyse2143lyse2143 member
    imageMrs Carrillo:

    imagelyse2143:
    Ok well I can understand being annoyed at the double standard. Have you had a conversation with him about how it makes you uncomfortable with you? Have you tried to show him how it is similar to the previous situation?

    Oh yeah we'v talked about it a few times.  He just says he doesn't want to lose his friend, because I can't get over it.  I suggested that they can hang out like they already do, just the guys.  Yes he admits that if it was me and someone I had slept with it would bother him.  But somehow its different ??

    Well at this point, I would remind him how he decided to share the details of their escapades with you, and it is not acceptable that it is a double standard. If compromising with you is less important than losing a friend (which sounds a little drastic, it is not like he is going to marry this girl tomorrow), then there are more issues between you than just this situation. If I were you, I'd put my foot down with a compromise. It is NOT OK for the 4 of you to hang out, but you'd be more than happy to accompany him if it is a group setting. 

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  • Mrs CarrilloMrs Carrillo
    Ok thanks.  I just wanted to get another opinion, or if I'm just crazy.  :)
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  • lyse2143lyse2143 member
    You're welcome. I hope it works out ok for you. Good luckSmile
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  • mrs.g_6708mrs.g_6708
    Um I think I would be really ticked if DH was hanging around (with or without me) someone he had said 'crazy sex' with. It's awkward and uncomfortable and there is no way it didn't run through their head at least once. I'm not suggesting that either one of them dwelled on the thought but seriously I don't think you are overreacting. I'm admittedly the slightly jealous type though :)
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