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2nd Trimester
yeahhalbach
member
What to call the "step-mom" grandma???
yeahhalbach
member
So, my father-in-law got remarried 5 years ago, and his new wife has already started calling the baby her granddaughter. My husband calls his step-mom by her first name, Judy, and not Mom. My Mother-in-law is very vocal about letting us know she doesn't want to share the "Grandma" title with the step-mother.
Should it be Grandpa and Judy? I, truthfully, don't want our daughter to have 3 grandmas, but it's such a touchy subject over a title. What would you do? How would you address the subject with the family. It's either make his Mom mad, or upset the stepmother.
All-in-all a conversation that I don't want to have with either. Yikes!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What to call the "step-mom" grandma???
I think my FIL will be "Grandpa." My father is "Granddaddy."
We're thinking SFIL will be "Papa John" or "Papa" or something that is very distinctively different from Grandpa.
Why don't you ask what the stepmom wants to be called? Tell her that "Grandma" is already taken (and whatever your mom has chosen), and that she can choose her name.
My mom is going to be Grandma, my MIL is going to be LeeLee (her choice), and my step-MIL is going to be Granna.
Let the child choose names for those people. They'll do it anyhow.
I speak from experience when I say it removes almost all tension.
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My FIL is re-married and my DH's mom is never in the picture anyway, so this might not be exactly like your situation, but my step-daughter calls her "Grandma Marge" including her first name. So maybe Grandma Judy?
It is a touchy subject, because it can be very emotional for stepparents to once again be reminded that, although they are here and love and support everyone as much as they can, they're still not mom or dad and don't have the same 'privileges' so to speak. I'd have your DH ask his dad about it, to see if maybe it's already come up between FIL and stepMIL. If not, FIL will know a way to broach the topic hopefully in the best manner, which will leave you almost completely out of it.
I can't stand my husband's step mother, so I don't really want our kids calling her grandma either. We only see her like twice a year, though, so I just don't call her anything. When she does see my daughter she is always like "come to grandma" or some stupid shiit like that. I just ignore it.
In your case, though, if you don't mind your kids calling her grandma, then let them call her that. Are the two sets of parents ever together? If not, it probably will never be an issue. If they are, then you will probably have to have them call her something else. It's such a touchy subject. Good luck.
To me, it's another example of people making your pregnancy and your child about themselves. I can understand that your MIL doesn't think her ex's new wife should be called "grandma" but in a way, I think that if she is the one that has a problem with it then she needs to talk to the new wifey. Because I think it would be really awkward for you to have to tell her what she should be called.
My MIL has step-grand children and they call her "Miss first name" and my baby will call my Step-FIL by "Mr. his first name".
Sometimes its the kids who end up deciding in these situations. It all depends on how that adult treats your child. I was in a similar situation when I was younger. My grandmother remarried. I used to call her husband by his first name before the age of reason. Then, I just started calling him "grandpa" out of nowhere. He was really good to me. Everywhere, we would go he would introduce me as his grandaughter.
We're in the same situation. I have a very bitter MIL who never got over her divorce (which happened 20 years ago)
FIL got remarried to a lady about 10 years ago, my MIL never remarried.
We have an alright relationship with the step-mother, although my husband calls her "Step-Monster" because she can sort of pull a Yoko and favor her own two children over her husband's children at times. She's nice for the most part, but has some weird undertones that come out. I think we'll just have our children pick out what they want to call her. We won't really call her grandma, but if they call her that, I'm fine with it. My husband's Step-Mother is on the hippy side and renamed herself 'Gan-Neh-Na' so I'm sure our kids will have all sort of interesting takes on that one!
My main goal like everyting in the past which seems to involve my MIL and her Ex and his wife is to not choose sides and stay out of the firing range. Now you know how fun it was juggling those two party's at my wedding!
My sister had her son call my Dads wife by her first name. Dads wife is very angry and resentful about it. Technically she is his step-Grandma so I think Grandma is appropriate.
My baby will have three grandmas too.
"Step-mom" grandma's grandkids call her Nana, MIL wants to be called Mimi, and my mom wants to be Grandma. Sounds easy enough, but my little one's not talking yet, nor is he/she out of the womb, so I told everyone to calm down and my baby will call them whatever he/she wants to. :P
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yep, i'm pretty sure this is just another thing my mother will make all about herself. good grief.
i call my stepmother by her name. i don't care what our kids call her. i was thinking maybe DH's parents could be Grandma & Grandpa (My Last Name), my mom & dad could be Grandma & Grandpa (My Maiden Name), stepmother could be Grandma Valerie?
My dad remarried after my mom passed away. I call my step-mom by her first name, but I never thought twice that my kid will call her grandma. Maybe that's because my mom is no longer with us that I don't really care, or maybe it's because we have a good relationship.
I grew up and called both of my grandmas "grandma". Still do. Was never any confusion really.
Technically my LO would have 5 grandmothers. How? My SO's mom and her partner ( Mimi and Nana), my mom (Mamoo), my dad's wife who will be called Trish, her name, because I really want nothing to do with her, and SO's dad's wife who we will never ever see. So my problem was my mom really wanted to be Nana, but SO already has a new neice and his moms had their names. My LO is the first on my side and my mom picked her name. I know it might not happen that way and he will call them whatever he wants, but before he starts talking and suck we will start introducing them and calling them by their preferred names.
My mom has a boyfriend she has been with for over half my life and has been my father, but he likes the name Bert (Robert) for his grandparent name.
Something will work out, just talk to your stepMIL.
My mother married just before i had my DD. He (to me) is NOT my step-dad...but IS very much my DD grandpa. She calls him Papa.
Now, My DH is my daughters Step Dad and his parents are called by their first names.
I believe that since the lady is going to be a grandparent in every way (i hope) she should be given a "grandparent" name ... IMO
This is true. Out of the blue DD started calling my stepfather Pa-paw and my mom Nammaw. They were going to be T and Grandma.
I have a stepfather and dh has a stepmother.
I guess the name really depends on the relationship you have with the step and what you choose. I for one thing its wonderful she cares enough about your child to be to think of it as her grandkid
For my stepdad (who I call by his first name) My kids will call him Papa. I was in college(10 yrs ago) when my mom remarried, but I know my stepdad will be a great grandpa to my kids. He will be very involved in their lives and will not think of them as step grandkids. If my dad has a problem with him having a title that is my dad's problem (dad will be grandpa)
For dh's stepmom.... Its really up to dh. I have no problem at all with her being Grandma Brenda or another such title if she chooses. In fact I encourage it. I know dh's nieces do not call her that. His sister told his dad NO when the kids were little. Her kids are now teens. My mom is Nana and dh's mom is Ma-moo (ick) so if she wants to be gramma brenda.... so what
I dont see anything wrong with having several sets of grandparents.... its pretty much how it is anymore. To me its just more people who love my child and want to treat her special.
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Does any side of your family speak a different language or come from a different Country? Maybe use a name for grandma from there?
My DH parents come from Hungary so they will be called Nagymama (Hungarian for Grandma) and Nagypapa (Hungarian for Grandpa). His parents are divorced and his mom has a significant other he will be called Grandpa Tim or something like that. Grandma and Grandpa for my mom and dad.
When I was growing up it was Grandma (last name) and Grandpa (last name) for all my grandparents.
In the end it is what will work best for your family. Talk to them get there input...maybe ask what they called there grandparents?
Angie
My MIL is known by her husbands grand kids as G-Ba which stands for Grandma By Association. My Mil was 37 when her husbands first grand child was born so she didn't want to be called Grandma. She also didn't want to take that title away from the true grandparents.
Maybe she can be G-Ba as well then its not really them calling her grandma or granny.
I have step-parents on both sides, and their parents are then my step grandparents. Here is the (long) list of what we call them.
Maternal Grandmother: Nonny Pat (Her first name is Patricia)
Maternal Grandmother's husband: Norm (Maternal Grandafather is deceased, we called him "Daddy Don" his first name was Don)
Paternal Grandmother: Nanan
Paternal Grandfather: Papaw
Step-Dad's Mother: Grandma Doris (and sometimes just Grandma depeands on the day)
Step Dad's Father: Grampa Herm (Now deceased)
Step Mom's Mother: Nanny
Step Dad's Father: Papaw (Now Deceased)
Bottom Line: you have options. It will come naturally. My parents live in veyr different geographical locations and in the different parts of the country different names are acceptable. Thus, Step Dad and Biological Dad are not going to fight over "grampa" Step Dad will be called "Poppy" and real dad will be "Papaw". Step mom will probably be Nanny and Mom will be called "Mimi" (She picked this) DH's parent's will be FarMor (Swedish for Father's Mother") And FarFar (Swedish for Father's Father) since they are off the boat.
I completely agree. We had many discussions about this when I was pregnant with our daughter, because my MIL was very vocal about what she wanted to be called. We tried to use certain names for certain people and get her to do the same, but our daughter started calling all of her grandmas "me maw" and all of her grandpas "papa". Now that she is older, she adds their first names to it. She does the same for great grand parents. We consider my mom's long term boyfriend (my parents are divorced) to be part of the family, so he gets the "papa" title too. Even my MIL who was so vocal got over it pretty quickly.