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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Please help me gain some perspective...
I am very upset right now. My best friend of almost 20 years is like a sister to me and her 3 kids are like my nieces and nephews. They call me aunt and I would do anything for them. She had kids much younger than me....her oldest is 9. Anyways, I have been to countless events for them over the years and I am the one girls godmother. I have never missed anything that I could control. Its now my turn to have an event for my daughter...her 1st birthday party. She has known about his for months and knows I already ordered the food, made her kids personalized party bags, etc , etc. She calls me last night to say they cant be there. They are making a last minute decision to drive to Indiana for her DH's parents anniversary party the weekend before. They werent going to attend but his mother apparently called him crying. So they are going and coming home with day after DD's party. I asked her why they cant come home one day earlier and she said her Dh wanted to make the most out of the long drive and say as long as they can and that he "doesnt understand why this would be a big deal." I immediately started crying. This is my oldest friend and I dont have a ton of friends here. My parents are coming from Indiana but that will be the only fmaily on my side able to attend. I udnerstand there will be other parties but I just feel so hurt that they could attend and dont find it important enough. Now we havent talked again after we had our little argument. Would you be upset or do I just need to chill out? I am very emotional lately about her turning one anyways and this didnt help.
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Re: Please help me gain some perspective...
I can understand why you're upset, and I'd be disappointed, too. If her ILs are celebrating a milestone anniversary, I can see why they'd feel like they should go, though. As for the length of the visit, we have about an 11 hr drive to my ILs house, so we always stay for a week because the trip there is so exhausting.
I'm sure your friend wishes she could be there for your DD's party. Try not to be sad about your DD turning one. Toddlers are a lot of fun!
I understand why you are upset, but you have to remember that her DH has obglitations to his family - it sounds like he doesn't get to see them very much, so it's understandable that he would want to stay the extra day.
You yourself said that you "never missed anything that I could control." This is her DH's decision, not hers. Yes, she could probably fight him about it, but - honestly? - it's not worth it. You are her very best friend, but this is his (and, therefore, her) family.
I would wager that after the party is over, you will not feel like this is a big deal.... a lot of your emotions, as you admit, probably have more to do with your DD turning one.
It's not that they don't find it important enough, it's that HE doesn't find it a priority. Yes it totally sucks for you but don't make your friend suffer for trying to keep the peace in her house.
And I totally didn't mean to sound b!tchy. I just don't think its that big a of a deal to lose a wonderful friendship over!
If the party was on the same day, I would completely understandy why they can't come. If I were in your friends situation though, I would just come home a day early.
We try to make it to as many family and friend events as possible. We know how much our events mean to us when people attend, so we like to return that to others.
Can you guys do something special when she gets back? Maybe save some cake and have a mini party.
I understand being a little disappointed, but you need to get over this. Your friend has done nothing wrong. It's your daughter's birthday party - not your wedding, or anything else that won't happen another 18 times while she's under your roof.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
First of all, your DD is soo cute, and don't worry, babies are still wonderful after they turn one. Not in the helpless baby way, sure, but it's so fun to watch them grow.
I would be very disappointed if my best friend couldn't come, and I happen to have a BFF who flakes out on things last minute, whereas I am very loyal, so I know how it feels.
But try not to be too mad at her. Some people don't get that first birthdays are very important. Including me -- if I wasn't on the Nest I would never know how much it matters to other people. And I can see her husband's argument about making the most of driving all the way up there. So, I think you have a right to feel disappointed, and you can say, "gosh, I really missed you at DD's party," but I wouldn't make her feel bad about it or let it affect your friendship.
It's okay to feel disappointed and I think even fine that you let her know. I would call her in a few days once you don't feel as hurt and tell her you understand why she can't make it. Then let her know that you would love to have them stop over a few days after they get home to get the kids gift bags and have some ice cream with your DC to celebrate her bday.
My family is so small so my friends are also like family to me so I understand.