PSA Re: Birth Plans

peanutontheway · June 2009

I'm a nurse. As a nurse I would like to inform you what a written birth plan looks like from the other side....how to do my job in very specific details. A written birth plan will make you "crazy lady in room ___". Yes, we go there. Is it fair? Probably not. Is it accurate? Usually. When you are admitted just go over, briefly, what you would like to have happen. BF or FF, who is in the room, what relaxes you, your goals. The nurses will jot that down and pass it along.

This was my birth plan: get her out as safely as possible, vaginal would be nice, and yes I want to BF.

Oh, and the way to a nurses heart is through her stomach. That is all.

ToledoDeux · June 2009

This sucks. Can't imagine why people have home births.

MrsKorb · June 2009

AMEN!!!!!!!!!! Finally someone has said the truth!

MrsKorb · June 2009

AMEN!!!!!!!!!! Finally someone has said the truth!

thatgirlang · June 2009

I love this post!

I always wondered about/thought that drs and nurses laughed at those with detailed birth plans.

JCM083009 · June 2009

I hope I don't get nurses like you.

Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.

A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.

Pecas13 · June 2009

Love it. I think this is exactly what I am going to be saying. What kind of treats do you bring a nurse???

peanutontheway · June 2009

JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.

This is your first, no? I wish you well.

TimsMayBride · June 2009

My concern is not so much what the nurses think of me.

Mama Angelina · June 2009

peanutontheway:
I'm a nurse. As a nurse I would like to inform you what a written birth plan looks like from the other side....how to do my job in very specific details. A written birth plan will make you "crazy lady in room ___". Yes, we go there. Is it fair? Probably not. Is it accurate? Usually. When you are admitted just go over, briefly, what you would like to have happen. BF or FF, who is in the room, what relaxes you, your goals. The nurses will jot that down and pass it along.
This was my birth plan: get her out as safely as possible, vaginal would be nice, and yes I want to BF.
Oh, and the way to a nurses heart is through her stomach. That is all.

Our Bradley instructor was also an L&D nurse and has said we should keep it simple (while still describing our wishes) and present it in non-intimidating way for it to be most effective. She also suggested something like leaving it in a basket with some cookies or other snacks and offering people who come into the room a snack, so they can come by and read the birth plan in a more welcoming way I guess. To each his own, but the gesture can't hurt. As a teacher I know that tkaing care of the students is my job but I definitely consider how the parents approach me when they make requests that make my job more difficult. And I appreciate their thoughtfulness.

peanutontheway · June 2009

Pecas13:
Love it. I think this is exactly what I am going to be saying. What kind of treats do you bring a nurse???

Anything sugary and sweet, esp if you come in on the night shift.

peanutontheway · June 2009

MamaAngelina:
peanutontheway:
I'm a nurse. As a nurse I would like to inform you what a written birth plan looks like from the other side....how to do my job in very specific details. A written birth plan will make you "crazy lady in room ___". Yes, we go there. Is it fair? Probably not. Is it accurate? Usually. When you are admitted just go over, briefly, what you would like to have happen. BF or FF, who is in the room, what relaxes you, your goals. The nurses will jot that down and pass it along.
This was my birth plan: get her out as safely as possible, vaginal would be nice, and yes I want to BF.
Oh, and the way to a nurses heart is through her stomach. That is all.

Our Bradley instructor was also an L&D nurse and has said we should keep it simple and present it in non-intimidating way for it to be most effective. She also suggested something like leaving it in a basket with some cookies or other snacks and offering people who come into the room a snack, so they can come by and read the birth plan in a less abrupt way I guess. To each his own, but the gesture can't hurt. Thanks for the advice!

This would def be a good approach if you must bring a printed BP. Again with the whole way to our hearts...

JCM083009 · June 2009

peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.

ah I love the "it's your first, you don't know anything" card. Funny, Isela has pretty much the same preferences I do and has 'been there, done that' so I'm pretty certain just b/c it's my first child it doesn't mean I am crazy for not wanting certain things done to me or my baby if not necessary.

Seriously, I get that people think some things aren't important TO THEM, but if this is your attitude towards someone simply wanting the most natural birth possible then you most be a horrible nurse.

IselaCid · June 2009

Glad you're not my nurse!

sept14 · June 2009

If you feel you need to have a written plan just keep it to the basics. Nobody likes to be told how to do their job.

But, your best birth plan is just to make sure your SO knows your wishes and that you talk to your RN.

userdeleted · June 2009

ToledoDeux:
This sucks. Can't imagine why people have home births.

Ditto. Yikes. I'm not planning on writing a birth plan but this post just adds to my uneasiness about having my baby in the hospital. Thanks for that.

jenerally · June 2009

IselaCid · June 2009

peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.

This is my 2nd and I feel the same way!

JCM083009 · June 2009

sept14:
Nobody likes to be told how to do their job.

Indifferent Requesting that certain procedures be done or not done to a mother and child is telling someone how to do their job?! WTF? Why SHOULDN'T mothers get a say in how they want to birth? This is what is wrong with hospital births today and why women are so freakin afraid of giving birth and being in them. How sad.

peanutontheway · June 2009

JCM083009:
peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.
ah I love the "it's your first, you don't know anything" card. Funny, Isela has pretty much the same preferences I do and has 'been there, done that' so I'm pretty certain just b/c it's my first child it doesn't mean I am crazy for not wanting certain things done to me or my baby if not necessary.
Seriously, I get that people think some things aren't important TO THEM, but if this is your attitude towards someone simply wanting the most natural birth possible then you most be a horrible nurse.

I actually had a birth similar to what you are writing out in excruciating detail. It's not the "it's your first you don't know anything" card. It's the "it's your first, you will learn to go with the flow" card.

TiffanyHenning · June 2009

I've heard this from many nurses and I'm sure if I was in your position I would feel the same way.

peanutontheway · June 2009

sept14:
If you feel you need to have a written plan just keep it to the basics. Nobody likes to be told how to do their job.

But, your best birth plan is just to make sure your SO knows your wishes and that you talk to your RN.

You, my dear, have nailed it on the head.

Ms_Loucel · June 2009

You are a nurse! You are supposed to be understanding, patient, compassionate, etc. I shouldn't have to bribe you to be nice to me!!!!!

ToledoDeux · June 2009

peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.

It's my second - so will you take me seriously?

I had some fantastic nurses in the hospital last time...and I also had some I would have willingly gotten up and smacked across the face during labor, if I could have managed it. The good ones were the ones who were present at my birth, not trying to shoehorn me into the hospital protocol version.

It's hilarious to me that you're admitting you have to be bribed into doing a great job for your patients, by the way.

JCM083009 · June 2009

peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.
ah I love the "it's your first, you don't know anything" card. Funny, Isela has pretty much the same preferences I do and has 'been there, done that' so I'm pretty certain just b/c it's my first child it doesn't mean I am crazy for not wanting certain things done to me or my baby if not necessary.
Seriously, I get that people think some things aren't important TO THEM, but if this is your attitude towards someone simply wanting the most natural birth possible then you most be a horrible nurse.
I actually had a birth similar to what you are writing out in excruciating detail. It's not the "it's your first you don't know anything" card. It's the "it's your first, you will learn to go with the flow" card.

lol so you "went w/ the flow" about your choices re: circumcision, cord cutting, what shots and goop your child would receive, etc? That seems odd to me to change your mind about much of that stuff without any medically sound reason like your baby is in NICU all of a sudden or something...

Either way, no I will not just go with the flow because what is standard in most hospitals today is so a$$ backward of what is normal. I am NOT saying I won't be happy to have interventions should something go terribly wrong (and I mean really truly wrong, not just the hospital pushing things along) but why should I have to confirm to a birth I don't want?

IselaCid · June 2009

Can you imagine if I as a teacher said I have to be bribed to educate, advocate and care for my students?!?! This post is both very sad and scary.

spiffy · June 2009

And the nurses listen to hubby when he knows all the fiddly details that are on the birth plans, right? Because that's my plan: to make sure that hubby has a written one to refer to and have him make requests or answer questions as necessary.

And the nurses don't reject store bought sweeties, right? I've never seen them say no to brownies, but I'd hate to have to bake at 38 weeks in late August.

Mama Jan · June 2009

peanutontheway:

Oh, and the way to a nurses heart is through her stomach. That is all.

I love this because I was just telling DH a few minutes ago that I'm going to make a second batch of cookies for the nurses - the first batch is going to my ob who agreed to do my c/s on her day off just because that was the day I wanted (I bribed her with cookies - LOL).

PuppyMommy · June 2009

I don't plan on doing a birth plan, but it does make me uneasy that this is the attitude of some of the nurses. This is a huge deal to a mom and it's not just another baby being born. As much as I hate when people tell me how to do my job, I will go out of my way to make them happy without expecting treats in return. I am not there to appease the nurses.

userdeleted · June 2009

ToledoDeux:
It's hilarious to me that you're admitting you have to be bribed into doing a great job for your patients, by the way.

I find that very off-putting. So if, at probably around 40 weeks pregnant, I don't take the time to bake you some brownies in between taking care of my home and my young child are we not going to be friends? Seriously, everything you're saying in this post is freaking me out. Please someone tell me that all nurses aren't this cold.

peanutontheway · June 2009

Ms_Loucel:
You are a nurse! You are supposed to be understanding, patient, compassionate, etc. I shouldn't have to bribe you to be nice to me!!!!!

Yes and you are also understanding, patient and compassionate 24/7? Would you like for people to just take take take and never even say thank you? Why is it such a big deal to say "You know what, you took good care of me, let me offer this as my thanks"?

jenerally · June 2009

peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.

giggle.

Mauilovespink · June 2009

I'm sorry I can't come to the hospital yet because I have to make cookies for my nurse so she doesn't treat me like crap!!! YEAH RIGHT!

IselaCid · June 2009

jenerally:
peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.
giggle.

Hello. Beuller. Beuller? This is not MY first...same feelings!

b.heather · June 2009

sept14:
If you feel you need to have a written plan just keep it to the basics. Nobody likes to be told how to do their job.

But, your best birth plan is just to make sure your SO knows your wishes and that you talk to your RN.

Um, a nurse is not making cogs in a factory, and as I patient I'm not going to put on an assembly line and treated just like every other pregnant woman.

I've chosen to educate myself and, in consultation with my doctor, make choices about how I'd like my birth experience to go. Yes, I'll be flexible if circumstances arise that are outside my control. And of course I'll be very grateful and appreciative to the nurses who are there to help me through the process. But to insinuate that a mother should not have a say and make her wishes known clearly about her own care and the care of her child is just sad to me.

userdeleted · June 2009

peanutontheway:
Ms_Loucel:
You are a nurse! You are supposed to be understanding, patient, compassionate, etc. I shouldn't have to bribe you to be nice to me!!!!!
Yes and you are also understanding, patient and compassionate 24/7? Would you like for people to just take take take and never even say thank you? Why is it such a big deal to say "You know what, you took good care of me, let me offer this as my thanks"?

Seriously, I am lamenting the fact that I'm not willing to take the risk of having a VBAC in a birthing center right now. Your attitude is immature and downright chilling. I am going to pray for the rest of my pregnancy that I don't end up with a nurse like you.

JCM083009 · June 2009

peanutontheway:
Ms_Loucel:
You are a nurse! You are supposed to be understanding, patient, compassionate, etc. I shouldn't have to bribe you to be nice to me!!!!!
Yes and you are also understanding, patient and compassionate 24/7? Would you like for people to just take take take and never even say thank you? Why is it such a big deal to say "You know what, you took good care of me, let me offer this as my thanks"?

What is funny is I fully intended on bringing treats for our nurses. However if I knew they had your attitude I'd skip those girls!

If your post is about being mad people don't bring you treats to say thanks, that's one thing (and odd - my boss and clients don't give me cookies to do MY job) but your post is way more than that. People should be allowed to have the type of birth they want if medically possible, and many times it is possible if allowed to happen naturally. You shouldn't judge them for it or find it annoying. That's just scary.

peanutontheway · June 2009

ToledoDeux:
peanutontheway:
JCM083009:
I hope I don't get nurses like you.
Should I also be instructing you after I have just given birth to not circumcise my son, put him directly on my chest, not cut the cord right away, not bath him, not put ointment in his eyes, not give him a bottle or paci, etc? There are A LOT of things in our birth plan that are #1 fairly normal in our midwife's eyes, but since we're in a hospital they need to be mentioned, and #2 I would not have the time nor trust myself after giving birth to remember to mention to you.
A birth plan is just that, a PLAN, not a contract. Yes, shiit happens, but there are many things on a birth plan that people do and should get a choice in. I hate attitudes like yours, sorry.
This is your first, no? I wish you well.
It's my second - so will you take me seriously?
I had some fantastic nurses in the hospital last time...and I also had some I would have willingly gotten up and smacked across the face during labor, if I could have managed it. The good ones were the ones who were present at my birth, not trying to shoehorn me into the hospital protocol version.
It's hilarious to me that you're admitting you have to be bribed into doing a great job for your patients, by the way.

It is hilarious to me that you think people should bow down and worship you in order to be present at YOUR birth. I'm glad your first went according to plan. I honestly hope your second does as well. I'm not saying don't give into things you don't want done. I'm saying don't write it down in a 15 page novel. Don't want the eye ointment? Say "hey don't put that goop in LOs eyes" or "I prefer not to have that".

I was unaware that common courtesy was that difficult.

mommabarker09 · June 2009

Why in the world should I bribe you to do your job?! I am the patient, if it weren't for me you wouldn't have a job!! It's my body and my child so things will be done the way I want them to be done!! Go ahead and pull the "first-time mom" or even heaven forbid the "young mom" card on me... I would feel the same way if this were my 5th kid and I was 40 years old!!

When a mother has a birth plan, it is because she has specific beliefs and requests as to what will be best for her child, some of which can affect the child long after leaving the hospital, such as requests in regards to breastfeeding. If I wrote out a birth plan specifically requesting that my child not be given a bottle or a pacifier, and I found out he was and I had trouble breastfeeding, I would make damn sure that the responsible nurse would be on the line!!

emclarenicks · June 2009

peanutontheway:

Ms_Loucel:
You are a nurse! You are supposed to be understanding, patient, compassionate, etc. I shouldn't have to bribe you to be nice to me!!!!!

Yes and you are also understanding, patient and compassionate 24/7? Would you like for people to just take take take and never even say thank you? Why is it such a big deal to say "You know what, you took good care of me, let me offer this as my thanks"?

Of course....NO ONE is that way all the time...but it's another to express that in written word forewarning others that Nurse's may mock them for being a tad neurotic...As a Nurse and/or other professional, we get used to not being thanked or appreciated...it makes you appreciate it more when you actually have genuine gratitude from patients and families.

ToledoDeux · June 2009

peanutontheway:
Ms_Loucel:
You are a nurse! You are supposed to be understanding, patient, compassionate, etc. I shouldn't have to bribe you to be nice to me!!!!!
Yes and you are also understanding, patient and compassionate 24/7? Would you like for people to just take take take and never even say thank you? Why is it such a big deal to say "You know what, you took good care of me, let me offer this as my thanks"?

LOL! Well, now I'm confused. Am I supposed to bring the sweets WITH me to the hospital, anticipating that you will take great care of me? Or is it that after you have taken such fantastic care of me in spite of my lack of sweets, I should heave my postpartum body up and whip up something for you in the L&D ward kitchen?

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