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Pregnant after 35
robynlesley
member
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
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Vent: Cousin's Wedding Next Sunday (long)
robynlesley
member
Some of you may remember my post about a month or so ago about getting a dress to wear for this wedding. Well, the gown from Nordstrom is currently being altered?and I probably spent too much for something I'll only wear once, but c'est la vie. Too late now.
Well, anyways... something I said to my aunt has caused some family drama and, quite frankly, I'm fed up with it all.
A little bit of back story: My wedding was last June 22nd and my elder cousin was pregnant with her 2nd child and was due 8/4/08 (I'm due 8/6/09) so basically she was just as pregnant as I am. She NEVER rsvp'd and didn't get a babysitter for her then 3-year-old daughter. Her husband (the TV producer) went out of town. At the last minute, my AUNT (not my cousin) asked if it was OK if she only stayed for the cocktail hour. What was I going to say? No? So that's all she did (and my cousin's daughter apparently had to be shushed twice during my ceremony).
So this year my younger cousin is getting married and when I got the invitation, I called my aunt?out of courtesy?to ask her how she'd like me to RSVP since the wedding is on a Sunday night from 5 PM to 11 PM in NYC.
I told my aunt that A) late nights are rough for me and that we'd want to leave by 9 PM and 
my husband has to work the next day and that week will be super busy for us (two child birth classes and a concert) so we really can't handle being in NYC until the end of the wedding. I wanted to know if she was OK with us only attending the cocktail hour, like my older cousin did last year.
My aunt asked me to stay through the main course and to keep my grandmother occupied (she hasn't been emotionally strong since my grandfather's death in 2007). She said that my grandmother would sit with me and I'd be good to keep her happy.
Well, apparently younger cousin (the bride) wants our grandmother to sit at the dais with her and my "job" is now moot. And my aunt misheard me at a recent visit and thought I said we'd leave at 8 PM when I clearly said 9 PM. She's upset with me and, to be honest, I'm afraid to call her to clear the air.
I am NOT close with either cousin and I was completely ignored at the younger cousin's bridal shower. My mom ran late and nobody spoke to me until she got there. I do not want to go, but am stuck because if I don't go, my grandmother will be upset and I don't want to upset a 91-year-old woman.
However, I don't care what drama it causes when we leave around 9 PM. We'll just slip out and if anyone says anything I'll say I wasn't feeling well.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: Cousin's Wedding Next Sunday (long)
Frankly, I'm kind of surprised you would "clear" your actions with your aunt in the first place. What it to her if you scoot out early?
Or are you actually a bridesmaid in this hootenanny?
I agree with pp that nothing you do with be right in their eyes. I don't recall being upset with anyone who had to leave early from our wedding and this being on a Sunday night. You could always take a water ballon drop it on the dance floor and say "oops I think my water broke, gotta go" then later tell them it was a false alarm.
Nope... not a bridesmaid and wasn't for my other cousin. Thank goodness!
My thought process with "clearing" it with my aunt beforehand was that she wouldn't have to pay for us (DH and I) if we only came to the cocktail hour and I know how expensive a wedding can be. I was trying to be thoughtful and now regret that.
The sad thing is, my aunt is actually a very nice person and has been really good to me. But she has extremely high standards and doesn't realize she expects others to do as she does. And she doesn't realize that expects more from me (towards her) than she does for her daughters (towards my mom).
I've always been held to a higher standard since I'm the eldest in the family. Cousin #1 (the mom of 2) is 6 years younger than I am and Cousin #2 (the bride) is 11 years younger.
But I will just slip out, quietly, and hope nobody notices.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
I wouldn't even be mad your cousin left after your cocktail hour. Things happen and people have obligations to their children. At least she went to the ceremony and was there for part of your big day. But, that said I'd be furious that she didn't RSVP at all. I don't understand when people don't have any manners like that.
I take back my previous suggestion and vote for this - lol!
You're being much too hard on yourself and honestly too nice to your aunt and cousins. You are VERY pregnant and people (especially family) should understand that you can't stay long (for whatever reason). I went to my aunt's funeral last week and my cousin almost kicked me out stating that I shouldn't have come as I was obviously "about to pop". Slip out when you can and don't worry about anybody noticing you, most people truly understand.... hope you do have fun though when you're there in your pretty dress!
Ya know, you can't compare your pregnancy to your cousin's. Every one is different.
We have a long-standing Labor Day weekend trip where we hook up with our college friends at a lake in NW Iowa. I've already been told "You better be there--I made the trip at 30+ weeks. You can too." Yea, we'll see about that one! I'm 42, not 32!
And FWIW, I vote for the water balloon. That'd be excellent!!