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W111MRP
member
In a BIG argument with DH and need some help/advice
W111MRP
member
Well we had it out this morning when he came home from work. He wants to go to this golf outting all day next Thursday (which I'm letting him do- guilt free) THEN he trys to tell me he's just going to go up the night before and leave when I get off work at 5 (I work from home) to go drinking with his (single buddies who don't have family's). Excuse me? I'm SO pissed! So, here I am trying to have a nice civil conversation with him this morning and tell him how I FEEL with him being gone ALL THE TIME (he works 24 hour shifts- firefighter) and never helping out with DD and he flips out on me. Mostly saying, Why don't YOU ever ask to go do stuff with YOUR friends? My answer: B/C we have an effing FAMILY now & you can't just pick up and do whatever the eff you want whenever you want to do it! Then he stormed off downstairs... I'm sure this is going on with A LOT of other fam's out there, just need some good advice. I seriously want to leave for A WHOLE DAY and see how he fairs- he won't make it past 2 hours, I freaking swear! Thanks for listening (and to those few on last night to hear round one of my bitchfest) Ah, I already feel a little better 
Alina Riley 2/22/09- My Baby Bunny
M/C at 5 weeks 6/30/10
Missed M/C at 10w1d, 10/18/10, D&C 10/19/10
12/25/10 +BFP, Stick baby, Stick!
1/31/11 diagnosed compound heterozygous for MTHFR
2/5/11 subchorianic hematoma found put on one weeks bed rest
3/13/11 ITS A BOY!
M/C at 5 weeks 6/30/10
Missed M/C at 10w1d, 10/18/10, D&C 10/19/10
12/25/10 +BFP, Stick baby, Stick!
1/31/11 diagnosed compound heterozygous for MTHFR
2/5/11 subchorianic hematoma found put on one weeks bed rest
3/13/11 ITS A BOY!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In a BIG argument with DH and need some help/advice
I understand why you're upset. The golf outing- no problem- but I don't really think it's neccessary for him to go drinking the night before and stay over. How far away is it?
Don't worry, the first time you have a girls night out and leave LO home with him, he'll understand
Oh no, I'm so sorry. Tell your DH that other husbands do not pull that kind of crap, not the good ones anyways. Sacrificing some of your social life is unavoidable as a new parent. If he absolutely feels stifled and needs some "man" time, then you should both decide together a time that would work, and you should schedule some time for yourself as well.
I do think you were right to try to stay civil. If possible, don't snap at him. I think that would automatically put him on the defensive and make him shut down. If you can just get across how hard doing this alone is, how much you miss him, and how you understand he needs his time, but he needs to include you in the planning. Good luck with the DH-training!
Yup, common. And you do need to get out by yourself with some friends. It will do you a world of good! And let him find his way with your daughter, they need to figure it out! I mean we had to right?
As for the boozing.. well I'm not a fan of my DH going to bars and the like without me.. that's our relationship though. If you're comfortable with that, just let him do it too.. uggghhh, I know though.
It will all be okay.. It's a definite growing pain right now!
First of all let me say this - your baby is super duper cute (and Katie has that same dress)....
Okay as far as your DH is concerned. Let him cool off and then do what he says. Plan you a day to yourself. Just you and the girls - make a night of it. Even if you dont think he will make it 2 hours...you need your time.
Me and DH figured this out - Friday is usually his nights to go and do whatever....Saturday mornings is normally my morning to go and get my hair / nails done - do lunch with the girls...etc...then I come home and we do something as a family on Saturday afternoon / evening. Sunday is church and then if he is going to watch the game or something I will take Katie with me shopping or what have you. But the rule is on Sunday - everyone must be home and in the house no later than 7PM or the end of the game - whichever is the longest.
You need some you time. Make it...oh and if your DH doesnt last more than 2 hours - at least he will see that its not as easy as he thinks it is!!!
It would be an hour away, in Columbus, Ohio (for any stalkers that want to go beat my husband up that night!)
I think its important for both of you to get out and do things with friends sans baby every once in a while. It sounds to me like you harbor some resentment towards it because you never get to do it. You need to make plans with your friends too every once and a while. You may think you don't want to, and that being with your baby is more important...but trust me, you want to. It is fun and you will be happy once you are there. Plus, it will give DH some time to take care of the LO on his own.
That being said, my DH would never want to go out drinking overnight, he is not totally into the whole bar scene...we are somewhat over that. But he does go out and drink with buddies at their place, or golfing sometimes. And I think it is good for him. I also go out with my girls and eat dinner, have wine.
true and thanks!
Thanks and yea, you ladies are motivating me to go out... ha.
I know it's frustrating when they do these things but I tend to agree with MrsGsoon on this. I went through what you're going through and it's just not worth it. My husband doesn't go out with his friends too often so I try to be cool with it when he does. I would lay a guilt trip on him before because I could never go out but the only person stopping me from going out was myself. Try planning a girls day or night..if you don't have close friends around than plan a day for yourself and have DH watch the baby. You both need time to yourself every now and then!
Honestly - I see both sides to this. Does he want to go out drinking EVERY weekend? If yes, that's a problem. But if this is one special time - then why can't he do it?
Yes- you should absolutely get away too! You say he couldn't handle it for more than 2 hours. Well- he really wont' be able to if you never let him! Seriously. Moms tend to take on the martyr role and give up everything, often under the guise of "Oh- DH can't handle it". Well- of course they can't if we never put them to the test!
But because you don't WANT to go out isn't a reason to not let him go out.
I'm actually going away next weekend for the entire weekend! DH is 100% behind it and practically kicking me out the door. I'm going to go and enjoy myself. And when it's his turn, I'll kick him out the door and let him go off and have fun too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10