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s/o J&K + 8 question (spoilers)
It seemed to me that Kate having a "job" and being gone a lot, and sort of forcing Jon into SAHD (with help as she said) seemed to be causing A LOT of problem. He seemed to really resent her for it.
If your job and the nature of it was causing problems with your marriage, would you quit?
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Re: s/o J&amp;K + 8 question (spoilers)
110% YES.
(preface by saying I've never seen J&K+8 in my life, but...)
My co-worker friend is in the middle of a divorce right now b/c her husbands job was keeping him away from home 4-5 nights a week, they were constantly arguing, he wanted to move to be closer to where he was always staying, she did not, etc etc. I had a lengthy conversation with T before we even married about our marriage and our family being first, especially over any job...it made me sad to watch my friend knowing that she had never had that conversation and that her husband constantly put his job first and would never have considered quitting. Instead, they eventually quit their marriage.
So yeah, this is a conversation we've had and there is no question, no doubt, I'd definitely quit a job to help my marriage.
Just to play devil's advocate, I'm assuming she can't quit her "job" because everyone needs to pay the mortgage and they couldn't pay it with his job alone? I keep hearing her say she needs this gig to support her family, and truth be told, she's not going to be getting paid for this job forever so I hope and assume she's stockpiling the cash now while she can.
I've never watched an entire episode either so what do I know?
I don't follow the show, but in regards to your question: that depends.
If DH had a job I resented, would I expect HIM to quit? I guess there has to be some sort of compromise. I might quit "that" job, as long as I could find something that paid a comparable amount.
It makes the most sense for the family member that has the highest earning potential to return back to work: whether that is the man or the woman. Otherwise, both should return to work, and comit to the cost of child care.
Since I don't follow the show I don't know if he's upset because he's not the one working (stereotypical gender roles and all) or if it's something else.
Photo by Zemya Photography
DH and I only watched the first 10 min or so of the episode and I totally agree with you about Jon being resentful about being a SAHD.
I don't know if I'd be willing to quit my job...if I was very happy doing it and it afforded my family a certain lifestyle, I'd have a hard time quitting. I would expect my husband to support me. If I didn't like my lucrative job and it was causing problems, I'd definitely quit.
For me, yes I would. After seeing last night's episode I was walking away with all sorts of questions and asking DH for his take on a lot of things. My family means more than anything to me as well and if meant doing what I could to keep us together, then yes, by all means, I would quit. (And actually DH did this with a previous job about 2 years ago---it was so incredibly stressful on us as a family that it just wasn't worth it and he quit. He was a MUCH happier person after making that decision.)
I think she's screwed up in her priorities. I think she sees the show as her job (it kind of is) and has gotten used to a lifestyle that forces Jon to stay at home (sort of). I said it in the last post, and I'll say it in this one. She's choosing the show (and publicity) over her marriage. I'm not saying she should quit her job, I'm saying she should reevaluate what means most to her.
Watching her, she's become accustomed to a certain lifestyle (the house, the obvious beauty appointments... though I don't know why she'd pay someone for that do), the upkeep of this fantasy lifestyle where her FAMILY is suffering. I'm not saying Jon is in the right, I'm just saying at least he's being honest about it.
So, to answer your question. We would have a discussion, a very long discussion as to what we want out of our life. For me, for my DH and for the kids. If one persons job isn't playing into what we all want, we'd reevaluate for sure.
I posted a question on twitter a week or so ago that said "Broke and happy or rich and sad?" My answer will always be broke and happy. I have all I need from my family. Does that mean that I don't want 'more'? Of course not... it just means that when it comes down to it, family comes before material things.
No job is worth the happiness of my family. For the security of my family, I don't know if I'd quit at the drop of a hat, but I would definately work towards a compromise to save my marriage.
It didn't seem to me that Kate was willing to budge.
Anyone else notice the comment Jon made when asked about switching places? He said something about not being able to write, and then added with a smirk, "some people think I can't talk right. Some even think I can't breathe right." I recall one couch interview where Kate bagged on him for his breathing.
So sad that she cannot see that her ball busting and emasculation of Jon has finally worn him down.
It's awful that the breakdown of their marriage is going to be displayed for all the world to see.
Those poor kids. Jon's right, one day his kids will google him and see the ugliness. I just hope the kids recover from this.
And WTF is with Kate skipping off to CA with Maddy for a spa retreat next episode?
I watched out of morbid curiosity, but don't think I'll follow this season.
I think in their specific case, it's not about her being gone as it is her obsession with fame and $$$....sure, we all need to pay our mortgages, but we bought our houses. As far as I've read, TLC ponied up for where they are living now. Even if that's not true, they could easily survive without her current gigs or the show. Just not in the manner she wants to live.
But to answer your question, I'd like to think that I would do whatever possible to keep my marriage in tact, without having to give up who I am. I'd like to think DH and I would come to a decision together and it wouldn't get to the point of ultimatums. But for everyone's sake, I would make my marriage a priority.
I am kind of with you, and really think it is selfish of him to not see it as short term and deal since he is benifiting from it as well.
He also has help so it is not like he is left doing it by himself like she was when he was an IT person and the show first started. I think that he is jealous, and that is sad. That huge house they bought has to be paid for, if he wanted to not have his wife working to do it maybe they should have stayed in the old home as an IT guy?
However it seems like he wasn't given credit or something, cause Kate said she is working for her family, and he said sort of bitter that he quit his job two years ago for his family too.
If it were me, I would not risk my marriage over pride though. I would take a break from it all and see if he could get a job and trade rolls for a bit, or both work in moderation and find balance of being home with the kids too.
THIS! I think J has it exactly right.
And I'm not sure how much they were "struggling" before the show. Yes, they didn't have things easy (would you expect to have it easy w/8 kids???) but they did get many, many things donated. And they had regular volunteers who came over and helped them out. I remember them introducing several of these people in the early days of the show. They had people who helped them watch the kids, do their laundry (!), and help w/household stuff. It seems to me that people were eager to help them out and now, w/all their fame and $$, they've pushed them all away.
Anyway, I didn't watch last night's show yet. That's just my two cents about J&K specifically based on what I've seen in previous episodes and read about them.
Ditto, ditto, ditto.
And FWIW, I am not sure how much of her "work" actually goes to support her family. I have read countless reports that TLC actually pays for pretty much everything, including the house (ie: TLC bought them that new house and J&K paid nada).
Well, she "works" for TLC and TLC pays them in ways other than just cash. So in a way, what she's doing is supporting them.
Right and I have heard that the home is apart of the contract, and they have to fulfill the contract in order to keep it.
In the same thing, I don't think it is the show so much as it is her travel for the book and speaking. I mean she did the show from home when Jon was working, I think they could do that part of it since it would keep her at home. I believe it is her gone all the time and him left behind that seems the be the problem.
Kate is so flipping annoying! Jon was saying at the end of last season that he was done with the show, that he wasn't happy and she basically just says "well I love it and screw you"!
She thinks she's a big star and has to "work". I would drop it all to save my family, but she thinks that she's doing what's right, but she's totally dilusional.
Can you tell she annoys the crap out of me!?