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I am still bothered by yesterday
I guess it's just because reality was pointed out to me & took the wind right out of my sails. I know my marriage is in hard times but I was starting to feel way better about things & the "fun" DH & I had yesterday had me so happy. If your marriage was in trouble, you'd be happy with that too. Yes, the ending was not smart on my part but oops, it happened.
Sometimes I wish I had never posted about the rough parts here but I really needed the support (& have long-term real friendships with some girls here). But some of the comments yesterday (mostly "I really hope this amounts to nothing") were hurtful even though I know they weren't intended that way. I might think those things but I doubt I would ever post it (the English in me). I know none of you were being anything but realistic, I know. I guess it just must be that the truth hurts. Let's hope, for everyone then, it's a BFN in two weeks.
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Re: I am still bothered by yesterday
I was lurking a little bit yesterday and saw that.
I am so sorry.
I know how it is to get pg/be pg during hard times... if you guys truly want it to work, it will. Baby or no baby. Good luck with everything...
My sentiment exactly. The totally impractical, emotional, non-sensible part of any mother has a silly jump in their heart any time there might be a BFP.
I have that also and I do not want another one and mh had a vasectomy. But who can resist the idea of a squishy brand new newborn!!
Well, since I'm the one that made the offensive comment, I will apologize. ?I'm sorry that my words were hurtful to you. ?I've just known too many babies born to too many troubled marriages not to be concerned for everyone's best interest and I guess my personality is far more practical than other peoples'. ?
For me, personally, if my marriage were in trouble, sex w/o protection would just simply never happen. ?Again, I guess I'm more practical than a lot of other people. ?A lot of people yesterday said, "hey, it's okay! Our baby was an oops to and look how perfect!" ?And that may be; but none of them said, "hey! my marriage was on the verge of collapse and look at how perfectly it turned out once we had our baby!"?
I absolutely hope things work out for you and your husband and that you are able to spend the rest of your lives together happily. ?I guess my hope that "this amounts to nothing" is from my thinking that, without a pregnancy and newborn thrown into the mix right now, you have a far greater chance of patching things up and moving forward together, in order to have a baby later on down the line, and you'd be able to welcome into a more harmonious and happy family.?
?
I totally understood all this FFM. Which is why I said that it's really the truth thats hurting me, not anything you guys said. It is HARD to acknowledge that things are not ideal, it HURTS to admit that things aren't going well with your DH, I want to cry when I think about it. Everything you said was realistic & sensible & I agree with it. I just lost myself in some stupid giddy daydream for a moment I guess.
This is definitely the backlash of opening up on an internet message board. Trust me, I've been on the receiving end MANY a time.
Coming from someone who has her fair share (and then some) of marital problems, and ones that I have aired here, I would STILL be psyched if Joe and I were to have a baby --- even at the worst of times. Practical? No. Sane? Probably not.
But the truth of the matter is, as much as I have yelled divorce from the top of my lungs on more than one occasion, I know in my heart and head that that is just NOT going to happen. Not now anyway --- and maybe not ever (but I can't predict the future). I know, when it all boils down, that I still absolutely LOVE my husband. If I didn't, I wouldn't worry so much about hurting him with a divorce. And that sentiment alone is enough to prove to me that this marriage is strong enough to last.
While I would be hurt by what was said here, because I truly DON'T believe it was said with the best of intentions rather I believe it was said as a "neener, neener, neener --- you are an idiot as your marriage sucks and you are *gasp* having unprotected sex with your HUSBAND!" --- but regardless of intent, it is a message board and well, them are the breaks.
Good luck!!!
I'm glad to see that you had a bright spot in your recent rough times and hope that it is just the beginning of lots of healing. Good luck to you, BFP or no.
Seriously? Those comments are a little much. And as someone who posted in the original thread, that is NOTHING remotely what I had in mind, but thanks for putting words in my mouth.
EDIT. Newlywed, I just read your last comments on the orignal thread. I made an attempt to explain something, but obviously the timing was bad. I'm not in your marriage. I don't know what you go through everyday. Given that and given this post, I think I'll refrain from commenting on personal lives here. I do hope it all works out, if that means anything.
Christmas 2011
I don't think it was neener, neener, neener...I think its more like "wait? What's happened since you were throwing the D word???" nest time and real time often don't match, right...so it seems like it was just yesterday and how could it flip so quick. Reality is you've been around your DH and may have worked everything out....or may be working it out...and shoot, we ALL have needs, right??? Better to be getting it from you DH who you are working things out with than someone else, no?????
Also, I think different people express different emotions for the same circumstances. what may have been to you an all out, knock out, gonna divorce my DH fight, may have been ashittyday for me or someone else....
bottom line....we don't know what happens in your house...and I hope your "opps" day is indicative of what the rest of your marriage is about. And I hope if something happens and you need to vent that you still feel ok venting here.
Good luck with everything. Don't let the nest bug you. It is what it is...people say whats' on their mind.
veloelle, I have no hard feelings with you, or anyone actually. I was grateful for what you posted yesterday.
This sentence sums it all up. I think I've learned not to share the bad stuff. Although it's funny, the day I did, all kinds of Nesties came out the woodwork with their rough stories. It's like everyone felt they could be 'real' and not try to portray a perfect life or something. But there's definitely a backlash, yes.
I'm so sorry you got negative feedback about something you were cautiously optimistic about. No one here knows the in's and out's of your marriage, so take their advice/comments/concerns with a grain of salt. Marriage is effing hard! It's a choice you have to make every.single.day. to stay married, try to be happy and try to make your spouse happy, too. The marriages that last the longest are because neither party wanted out at the same time; not necessarily that both parties have been happy the entire time!
Everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to. If you are meant to create a child this month, it will happen so that baby can be born and become the person it was always meant to be. Yes, you had a choice in the matter, but making love to your husband, especially when times are hard is NOT a bad choice on your part. You're trying to heal your marriage. Good for you! Sex heals, and intimacy is so important in a marriage. I hope that you can find a way to get over the nest and just focus on your husband, your daughter, yourself and your family life. Negativity causes nothing but negative things.
Newly, it's good to know you realize no one meant you any harm by what they posted in their replies.
Reality can be difficult for all of us at one time or another. But the thing is, when you open up or share anything here, it becomes part of who you are. The good, the bad and yes, the ugly. You own it. You can't pick and choose what others might respond to when you make a post. Your thread about how difficult things were with your DH (so much so that he could move out) left an impression on people.
Some people feel that bringing a baby into an unstable marriage isn't the best thing. Sometimes it makes things worse... but it can also make things better.
I send you all my best wishes for happiness in everything you do.Myself included! I'm not happy with THAT part of the beautiful moment, trust me!
I appreciate the support, I SO do. And I know that people see all my ugly stuff now when I'm just posting about sippy cups or whatever. Like I said, sometimes I regret posting all that, but I really needed the support here (still do).
So I just went back to read the replies to your post. If I'm being honest, I really don't see why anyone posted negative replies. What you decide to do in your life is YOUR business. Grown women telling another grown woman that bringing a child into an unstable marriage isn't appropriate is really unnecessary since you didn't ask for their advice. While it might be common sense that you shouldn't bring a baby into this world if you have an unstable marriage, they really don't know how your relationship with your Dh is. Sometimes in the heat of things, we may think or say something we don't mean. Anyways, I really don't think they should have replied to your thread.
I'd also like to add that I've seen plenty of woman on this board post about rough patches they've gone through with their Dh, and uh, they've had another child. Marriage is hard work, but you'll find women on this board are all perfect, apparently!
Sorry you got such hurtful replies. I went back and read your post... Being that you never made a mention to the state of your marriage, I figured it wasn't something you wanted advice on in that post. Sort of like if you were talking with a friend IRL. I guess I'm just not that blunt IRL or online.
I'm beginning to realize that marital problems are a lot more common than I ever realized and that each marriage is so unique. What works or doesn't work for me might not be the same for you. My thought process and ways of coping (as in thinking about divorce even if I'd never consider it outside of my head) are different than anyone else's. I don't think I've vented here in a while after getting a couple not so helpful replies. Sometimes realism is overrated. We could all use a few moments of happy fantasy living now and then.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
You're exactly right, but noone needs to be a b!tch about it either
. This is exactly the type of posts I'm talking about. The type of posts that seem to be looking to start drama! Ridiculous.